To feel like a complete fucking failure

[Feelinglikeafailure]

My son is nearly 8 and we are just starting the process of getting him assessed for ASD.

Deep down I've known he is on the spectrum since he was around 2.5. As he always hit his milestones I pushed it to the back of my mind.
School was a struggle, but as he is extremely intelligent and is top of the class for most things (bar writing)
He's skated by and again I pushed it back.
Now we are in year 3. Things have dramatically declined. He is no longer engaging in class. Meltdowns over the randomist stupid things, and all I feel is guilt. Guilt because I didn't do this sooner. Because I didn't want him labelled and to be known as "that kid"

I'm not sure what I'm asking here. Just feeling shit

So now he really does need extra help, you are getting it sorted for him. If he hadn't hit his milestones or skated by at school then you would have arranged appointments etc sooner, right? But he was managing ok. Now he isn't, and you're doing what you need to do for him. Nothing to feel guilty about there. I certainly don't judge you or think you should have started the process earlier.

For what it's worth, I didn't start seeking a diagnosis of ADHD for my DS till he was 8, when the school said that he was struggling. He's now 10 and has the support he requires in place. He is rumbling along just fine in terms of progressing to standard targets. I'm not sure earlier intervention would have made much difference.

Honestly, I don't think you should be feeling guilty. You're giving him what he needs now.

YABU to think you are a failure. Your motivations were good - no-one is a perfect parent.

Huge hug. It's really hard and mum guilt is the worst. From my experience (Ds is 8) docs and teachers really drag heels in diagnosis when they are hitting milestones, and you are doing the right thing by following up now. X

Don't beat yourself up op.

I wanted to wait until mine started preschool to see how that went and if the staff picked up on anything. So I started the process at 4, for children who presented very atypically and would not have been given a diagnosis prior to this, and still when they went into reception the head teacher kicked off about why hadn't this been delt with early! So you can't win either way op!

You can't undo what's done, you can only move forward. He's 8 that's young enough to start making a huge difference in how he is supported and helping him manage.

I thinking many parents have felt the same as you don't beat yourself up you don't deserve it

Write down as much as you can remember. It will help you in meetings and the like. Why were you concerned? What were the signs? When did they begin to show? Are they brought onto by anything specific? That type of thing.

You're not a failure. Labelling and occasionally mislabelling can be damaging.