To feel upset that I spent a lot on a friends birthday and in return got something nowhere near as nice

[yummytummy]

Ok so not sure if I am being sensitive and it's not a situation where I could really say anything to the friend as I think that would be rude

But anyway I have a fairly close friend who has been quite helpful to me in the past and as a gesture of appreciation I really went all out on her birthday. I brought quite a few things not hugely expensive as I don't have a huge budget but what I thought was thoughtful. She seemed to like everything and I felt happy.

Then it was my birthday and I got one of those old fashioned photo albums with the pages you put photos which aren't even really used any more and a really small soap. I know it's the thought and I know many people don't do birthdays as adults but I am a single parent and this was the only thing I had to open.

I just feel so hurt and upset that there seemed no thought put into what I would like even some nice chocs a mug or socks etc nothing fancy

It's upsetting me a lot and I just feel like I mean nothing to her. It is so hard being alone and I don't really have anyone to give me things. I accepted for many years I won't have anything at Christmas but I did think something thoughtful at birthday would have been nice

How can I handle this hurt feeling

Feeling so sad and I can't say anything to her as that's not nice if someone has given something

I too think your a displacing your general dissatisfaction with how your life is, unfairly onto your friend here.

If it makes you feel any better, for my friends 40th I took her to a lovely restaurant and paid for dinner and cocktails, organised a little cake, and bought her a bracelet - all in all I spent the best part of 200 quid. She was someone I saw at least once a week and thought of as one of my best friends.

For my 40th a few months later she rocked up to the pub with a card she'd obviously bought from a garage on her way. And that was it. Didn't even offer to buy me a drink. And she is way way better off than I am financially.

I was so hurt that although I never fell out with her exactly I tapered off the friendship and don't really have much to do with her now. It's not the money exactly, just the complete thoughtlessness when I'd put lots of thought and effort into what I thought she'd like and enjoy for hers. Still smarts a bit several years later!

Shitonyoursofa That's shocking! Was she a mingebag in other ways?

Sorry but it's another YABU. You gave a generous gift as a gift and not with the expectation of getting the same back. She probably wants to keep the gifts modest. Just give a modest gift next time.

I understand where you are coming from OP but think everything has been magnified because you are on your own

OP, I had a similar thing with a friend too, but I wasn't that hurt for some reason, even though it's a bit off when you put it in black and white!

I hand-delivered a present and card to her place of work on her birthday which gave me a lot of pleasure. Didn't expect anything on my birthday except maybe a card? Didn't get one.

She is quite flaky and a completely different personality to me, so I do accept that she didn't choose to mark my birthday in a similar way that I did hers. I think either a) she didn't like me making the gesture I did so didn't reciprocate or b) she doesn't feel giving cards/presents is important as long as you verbally say "happy birthday" at some point.

As a result, I didn't give her a card or present this year - just a text.

So what I'm saying is, perhaps try to see that people might be coming from a different viewpoint; learn from it and don't bend over backwards the next time! They probably aren't intentionally hurting you.

I think you're feeling down and focussing it on your disappointment about the gift. Looking at it positively, she values your friendship and bought a gift to mark your birthday. It might not have had the wow factor, but she bought you something nonetheless. Not everyone is thoughtful and creative in picking presents, I'm certainly not, the cost is more of a factor for me, but it certainly doesn't mean that I think less of my friends because I'm a cheapskate I think you should be happy you have a good friend op, and if I were you, I would treat myself to some gifts that I would like, wrap them and put them under the tree for xmas. Take care x

Another one here that thinks a photo album is better than socks choc socks or a mug.
It's a shame she hasn't worked out what you like, but it isn't necessarily a rubbish gift. Soap can be expensive too, if it's posh stuff.

Don't let this spoil your friendship. I don't do gifts for friends at all as I don't see the point in exchanging tokens. She might have found your investment in choosing her gifts as OTT given that it's not the norm for a friend to be the main gift giver / receiver in your life. I'm not trying to nake you feel bad - just to realise that the exchange of gifts between you doesn't mean the same to her as it does to you.

I wouldn't go for a photo album but if I'm trying to think of a lovely present for someone my kids (young adults) always suggest it as being the perfect, personal, thoughtful gift. Chances are she really thinks you'll love it. Maybe fill it with photos of your children with labels of who they are and dates etc and make it into something future generations of your family might love. I would love a photo album of who was who and what the were doing from one or two generations back way better than a photo album full of me.