Organising babysitters - Who Should Do It?

[ConcernedParent88]

DP (looks after our two children while I work) has known for a couple of weeks that he needed to go on a course today. He told me this and I put it in our mutual calendar for him (he doesn't do calendars) so nothing would accidentally get booked over the top of it (by me).

Of course, we'd need someone to look after the kids during this time, and he assumed that as he'd asked me to put it in the calendar, I would sort it for him. He says he asked me to ask my parents. Perhaps he did. I can't recall.

The day before the event (yesterday) he reminded me about the course today. I'd forgotten all about it, despite him mentioning it in passing a few times (apparently) over the weekend.

Turns out my parents are busy. He called his - his are busy too.

I've had to take time off work, forcing the small office I work in to be actually closed for an hour due to unavailability of other staff.

Am I being unreasonable to suggest that in future he takes responsibility for organising his own babysitters for his own needs? In good time. Not the day before!

He's spitting feathers. It's all my fault. I should organise these things for him apparently.

I think you should work together. You know he's bad at calendars, and admit he might've asked you to ask your parents (do neither of you ever listen to the other?)

Take it as lesson learned for next time. So when he says he's doing x you remind him he needs to get childcare as you are working. Either/both of you can ask your own parents.

He looks after them while you work, so the childcare was required for both your needs, not just his.

Yes, next time you should both agree on who will organise childcare, and the responsibility of organising it should be shared.

You are lucky to have family (local?) to help.

When he books the course, he should arrange childcare at the same time.

If you were both going out together for the evening, it would be a duel responsibility

I would also have assumed he'd have done it but at least you'll know to discuss it next time.

In our house, its the person who causes additional childcare to be needed that books it. So when I'm away for work, if dh needs to be out when ds is not at school/club he books it.

In your case, your dh should have organised something

I'm going to go a different way here and day maybe your DP presumed that by getting you to mark it on the calendar that you were going to take the time off to provide childcare?

Honestly, what a big baby. He's bad at calendars so you should have to do it. He can't organise a baby sitter so you should do it. Do you have to wipe his arse for him too?

If he's a SAHP he can sort a babysitter, surely?

Thanks for all the answers. Food for thought.

As the sahp I think he should organise it. I am a sahp and if I need the dcs looked after when dh is at work then I arrange it.

I think the problem here is lack of communication. He should have asked if you were going to take care of it, or if he should, and you should have checked that he had done it.

Whenever we've wanted to go out and needed childcare, I've always checked with DP on who he thinks we should ask ie usually his parents or my sister, and then clarified with him what's happening. He will usually double check with me that everything's been sorted.