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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate it when people swear in front of young children?

116 replies

Runny · 13/12/2016 17:26

Namely their own young children? It makes toes curl!

Just popped into my local Chinese takeaway. Also waiting was a young couple with a little boy who must have been aged around 4/5. Im not joking when I say every single word was 'fuck' this and 'fuck' that. Just in general conversation even when speaking to and telling off their little boy, who wasn't misbeahing as such was just getting a bit over excited. Even telling him to 'stop fucking running around'.

There is just no need for it, it's so uncouth and shows a blatant lack of self control. Now don't get me wrong I can swear with the best of them, but I never ever swear in front of children of any age. Never have and never will. The worst I ever heard my parents say growing up was 'bloody'. It's becoming more common, I even heard a mother telling her daughter to 'get in the fucking car' outside the local school the other week.

AIBU to think these people should learn some self control?

OP posts:
Foldedtshirt · 14/12/2016 14:37

blahblahnow
I work with slightly older clients- literally the most marginalised in the country and they don't swear, they do with each other and they might if quoting someone else, but it's interesting that in a therapeutic setting they are very moderate in their tone and vocabulary.

Starwarsorbaby · 14/12/2016 15:05

Came on to comment about lack of good grammar; I see many people beat me to it. Looks more and more like netmums on here every day Hmm

Wookiecookies · 14/12/2016 15:13

To comment about grammar? Did you not mean swear words starwars?

iamadaftcoo · 14/12/2016 15:35

I think she was referring to the fact that people were looking down their noses on swearing as uneducated whilst simultaneously using incorrect grammar.

Also what a load of patronising cobblers re not swearing in front of "elders" out of "respect". One, someone does not automatically deserve respect because they are older than me. Two, my elderly Gran can eff and blind like a trooper, she'd be massively insulted by pp thinking her ears too delicate for it.

StarlingMurderation · 14/12/2016 15:42

I hate it. I swear quite a lot, and I try really hard not to do it in front of DS (just turned 2), but it does slip out sometimes, especially if I'm driving and someone cuts me up. I'm dreading him coming out with a prize swear in front of his gran :(

Starwarsorbaby · 14/12/2016 16:14

Iamadaftcoo is correct. Also, I learnt most of my swearing off my gran too! English is her second language and apparently using swear words in English (including cunt) is most satisfactory! Grin

Wookiecookies · 14/12/2016 16:38

Ahhh! Ok, apologies starwars BlushWink

Wookiecookies · 14/12/2016 16:39

agreed, not convinced on the respect thing, my parents swear, a lot.

Wookiecookies · 14/12/2016 16:50

Cunt. Merely a word for female genitalia. Vagina, also a word for female genitalia. Why should one be more offensive than the other? Ok, so its about context, but who decides the context? The user of the word or the receiver? If I say about someone, aww, "I love this silly cunt lol" and then say "fuck off you disgusting vagina" to someone else, why because of the use of the word cunt would the first sentence automatically become more offensive due to the word itself? It doesnt, it is about context. You can say an awful thing to someone using supposedly benign words, but be kind and dishing out swears. People should concern themselves more about teaching children appropriate context and social awareness than get bogged down with the words themselves.

Now that was a tad rambly, but I hope you see what I am getting at?

Catlady1976 · 14/12/2016 17:03

I grew up in a working class household and my parents never swore and I don't swear now. Yet my middle class dh swears so not about class.

Nicpem1982 · 14/12/2016 17:08

Me and my colleagues swear regularly at our desks but never in front of children (we work for a branch of children's services).

Although i can be quite liberal with the f word I'd never intentionally swear in front of my dd although I'm sure the odd swear word has slipped out

RitchyBestingFace · 14/12/2016 17:14

I think the class thing is a misnomer. Some people swear, some don't - I think it's possibly the only thing that is genuinely independent of class.

I grew up in a working class household. I don't think I've ever heard my father (violent, abusive, served time) swear beyond 'bloody'. My privately educated mother from a naice background did though. Not often, but effectively.

I do think it might have something to do with power and gender politics though. I notice that many of the women I know who do swear a lot may be doing so to give themselves some power and strength - and to ward off anyone taking advantage of them.

NoFucksImAQueen · 14/12/2016 17:18

Yanbu

whirlygirly · 14/12/2016 17:21

I think swearing at small dcs is indicative of a lack of social skills on the part of the parents. Unfortunately that's the model the dcs will follow and bring into school. They'll then learn the hard way what is unacceptable.

I equate it with those who drop litter mindlessly; it's behaviour which doesn't necessarily harm anyone but is nonetheless antisocial.

VelvetSpoon · 14/12/2016 17:28

I swear like a cocker, according to my bf. He thinks it's rather fab.

My parents swore in my presence daily as a child. Didn't stop me having a wide and extensive vocabulary nor getting into Cambridge (where fwiw the really really upper class people - nobility - swore more than anyone I'd ever heard).

Nothing to do with class or intellect and really not worth getting all het up over Imo!

VelvetSpoon · 14/12/2016 17:31

That should be docker not cocker.

Sodding autocorrect.

pointythings · 14/12/2016 18:11

I try not to swear in front of young children and when mine were little, the only time they would hear me swear was if I'd hurt myself. I do think constant swearing around children is very unpleasant - nothing to do with class though, it's nasty whoever does it.

Mine are teens now and they swear more - though not a lot. So do I, when it's in context.There has to be a balance around the use of profanity; constant swearing is unpleasant, but so is smug pearl-clutching.

RedStripeIassie · 14/12/2016 18:31

Mumsnet a strange place. I got very different opinions on my sweary 3 year old on here whereas everyone on this thread seems a lot more chilled.

I managed finally to stop her swearing by saying if nanny hears you say that we'll have to go home Xmas Grin. Not a fucks sake or fucking hell all day! from her can't comment on myself

(Chucking her Dad out has helped too).

Wookiecookies · 14/12/2016 18:32

"Mine are teens now and they swear more - though not a lot. So do I, when it's in context.There has to be a balance around the use of profanity; constant swearing is unpleasant, but so is smug pearl-clutching."

This.

whirlygirly · 14/12/2016 18:55

I may get flamed to hell for this but i definitely think there's a correlation between swearing at small children and class.

Swearing around them, not so much. Some of the poshest people I've met are the most potty mouthed. The difference is they're not directing the words at their dcs and it's largely of the bugger and bollocks variety rather than calling their dcs fucking c...s in the street (actually witnessed this Sad)

hoolabaybee · 14/12/2016 18:59

I once told a parent off for swearing in front of my children!Angry her reaction was 'who the fuck are you ???'

I reported her and she was banned from the playground !

Was worth the menacing looks...My children didn't hear me say those words so she wasn't getting away with it far as I'm concerned

Itsjustaphase2016 · 14/12/2016 19:01

Swearing at children in horrid horrid horrid. Swearing in front of them? That's not so bad right? I mean as long as they know that they're not appropriate to use in other social situations (school, at friends houses etc) I don't see the harm. Just like.. it's okay to eat chips with your fingers or walk around naked at home, but not in most other situations...

Itsjustaphase2016 · 14/12/2016 19:03

Yes, and it's certainly not a class thing! I am oxbridge educated, private school etc etc and I swear around (not to) my children! As do my friends!

Wookiecookies · 14/12/2016 19:07

There is a huge difference between swearing AT your children, or indeed AT anyone, vs swearing in front of them imho. Again, if any 'word' is said with an abusive context, its abuse. Class is irrelevant. Abuse is not limited by social class, sorry, but it just isnt.

AlwaysNeverOnTime · 14/12/2016 19:09

I hardly ever swear and never in front of my (or other) children. DH swears in front of the DC alot. I used to hate it but now I don't mind. The DC know which words are swear words and that they are grown up words, only to be used by grown ups. I think it's good for the DC to know about swearing. You can't protect their delicate ears forever.