Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wonder if my cats would be happier if I looked into rehoming them in the new year?

30 replies

mayemerald · 13/12/2016 17:13

I have three cats, all from rescue centres. I've had one years. He is no trouble.

The other two are black and white brother and sister from the same litter. They were kittens (12 weeks) when I got them. They have always been nervy and highly strung. They both enjoyed going outside.

Two and a half years ago I moved from a house to an apartment. Cat 1 adapted without any problems. He goes out and miaows loudly when he wants to go in and then decides he wants to stay out so typical cat really :)

My 'kittens', who are actually nearly 5, just haven't adapted.

Girl cat was out almost immediately hunting everything Hmm but she often won't come in. Last night she wouldn't come in and this morning she wouldn't. She stands at the door of the apartment and she's obviously cold and wet and hungry. Boy cat is the same. But it took him ages to work up the courage to go outside. It's as if they look into the apartment building and because it's not 'their' home they are scared to come in. Sometimes the girl will be out for two days, the boy for four to five, with nothing to eat in this time. I try to coax them but they won't.

In the apartment they run away from me and they just seem to be stressed and dislike me.

I've tried feliway, it hasn't helped really.

Problem is, who would want them? Rescue centres are overcrowded and they aren't loving people cats.

Should I assume they are best off with me? They just seem so unhappy? Sad

OP posts:
hopskip123 · 13/12/2016 17:31

They wont necessarily be best off without you, but its also quite possible that a rescue could find a home for them. I think I would first take advice from a rescue on any further things you can try to make the cats happier.

Also, there is absolutely no chance on earth that your cat is going without food for 4 days, they are eating somewhere else. Maybe they are trying to move in to someone elses home? You could try putting paper collars on them asking finder to text you?

MsMims · 13/12/2016 17:42

Why don't you try keeping them in as house cats? They may take a little time to adapt but it would be much better than them feeling they couldn't come in and being cold/ wet/ hungry. Also, house cats will be more bonded and interested in their owners. We had a rescue for several years who we couldn't even touch, she'd just run off outside if you so much as took a step towards her. Since becoming a house cat, she is still very damaged but has come on leaps and bounds compared to how she was before.

Do they have little hidey holes or places they can climb to? This is really important for nervous cats. They need safe spaces where they won't be disturbed.

I would avoid rehoming if possible as so many rescue centres are full to bursting point and sadly black and white cats often languish in there waiting for a new home. Especially ones who aren't initially friendly. Also, there's no saying they would be any different in another home.

Zylkene also had good effect on one of ours cats. Just sprinkle some on their food. It's available online and isn't a drug so no prescription needed.

CozumelFox · 13/12/2016 17:46

You have my sympathies. My cat never adjusted to us bringing our son home. She hated him. He was only a newborn, barely cried, never touched her, she just hissed and walked out of the house and we literally never really managed to coax her back. She was permanently anxious. As he grew he would stroke her gently, which she didn't mind, but she would constantly leave the room he entered, as if she was startled, and run outside. She made a home in the shed and preferred it there.

I had no idea what to do. Rehoming her was unthinkable, but all manners of gentleness, treats and kindess wouldn't get her to share her home with kids. Maybe it was a memory of her previous home (she was a rescue cat) or something. She would come in, eat, drink, and leave again.

Bizarrely she liked my second child more. She began to follow her around, rub against her, slowly began to stay in her cat bed a little more. But after a few months of slow improvement, she grew sick (pre-existing condition) and she died.

Point being, I still feel so guilty about her final years. I refused to consider rehoming her - I loved her! - but logically I had to accept she was no longer happy in our home and we could not give her what she needed (probably a child-free home.) Or perhaps there was more I could have done? One more trick that may have coaxed her in, one more Pinterest-inspired tale. I read about high-up cat beds on pillars, where they could keep watch; now I regret not having one. I read about letting them live upstairs with the children downstairs - should I have done that? Regret and guilt all over again.

Basically... I don't know. It's really hard, because you think of rehoming as something irresponsible, something 'throwaway', and yet there are times like this when it isn't so clear cut.

If the cats don't like a new home with you they'll hate one anywhere else, so maybe that's the first reason to put it on the backburner. There's a good chance, as said above, they're being fed elsewhere. I don't know if 'love bombing' cats is appropriate - keeping them in for a week, loads of affection...? Cat might hate it. Probably will. Not sure.

Maybe there are other cats in the garden leaving their own scents and pissing your cats off?

You could also consider some kind of outside house for them, so if they're going to be out there they've got somewhere dry to be. It's not ideal, but if it's what they want.

It's a tough one. I wish I had the answers.

mayemerald · 13/12/2016 18:02

Thanks.

They DEFINITELY aren't getting food from elsewhere, they are possibly hunting but they are so, so timid.

I've tried keeping them in but they are miserable and stressed.

So hard knowing what to do.

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 13/12/2016 18:07

Might they be happier as outside cats? Is there anywhere you can give them an insulated shed?

mayemerald · 13/12/2016 18:08

No, there isn't anywhere that could go :)

OP posts:
Note3 · 13/12/2016 20:15

I empathise with your situation...I think the thing with cats is they honestly do choose to leave if things are not working for them. They're very good at travelling and finding pastures new if necessary. It's the age old situation whereby you could beat a dog daily and it will lay it's life down for you yet you only have to put a cats nose slightly out of joint and it can find a new home over it. For that reason I'd be very inclined to think your cats are ok with their situation.

When I was a child we used to give one of our cats Bach rescue remedy to chill it out (highly stressed cat) and it definately helped.

Notsoaccidentproneanymore · 13/12/2016 20:32

Try sprinkling some dried valerian root on the floor in your apartment. It stinks to high heaven, but cats love it, and it really chills them out. Keep it in a glass jar with a screw lid to keep the stink it.

Our 2 rescue cats love it.

sj257 · 13/12/2016 20:36

We had a cat who never adapted when we moved house, he went from being the most loving cat in the world to hissing/scratching/biting. He also kept returning to our old house a couple of miles away. We went back 3 times to get him and then he totally disappeared Sad

sj257 · 13/12/2016 20:38

We have other cats now, one very anxious, bit worried about how she will take a new baby after reading Fox's post

lalalalyra · 13/12/2016 20:41

Don't be so sure they aren't getting food elsewhere. A little old lady had been feeding one of mine for well over a year before I realised.

Toddlerteaplease · 13/12/2016 20:52

My cats are very nervy and I found a pet remedy diffuser really helped. A lot more that feliway

mayemerald · 13/12/2016 21:16

They definitely aren't being fed elsewhere - honestly!

They are so annoying but I've decided I can't rehome them.

OP posts:
neonrainbow · 13/12/2016 21:26

What if you contact a rescue and say you'll keep them until a home is found? I think it's selfish to keep them when they're clearly not happy and there's nothing much you can do about that.

mayemerald · 13/12/2016 21:28

But neon I am always hearing adverts on the radio and Facebook about cats needing a home, it breaks my heart. The problem is they aren't really 'people' cats. If I sit still and quiet they will sometimes sit next to me and girl has a lovely high pitched happy purr and boys purr is like chocolate but if I move around its not good. The worse crime is if I want a drink and they are having their tea!

I honestly think they are as happy with me as they'd be anywhere ie not very!

OP posts:
mayemerald · 13/12/2016 21:32

Although they have just started fighting so maybe I'll reconsider! Grin

OP posts:
AndNothingElseMatters · 13/12/2016 21:33

How do you know they aren't being fed elsewhere??

bumsexatthebingo · 13/12/2016 21:34

If they don't want to go into your house because it's new no doubt they won't want to go into another new home either and will be even more unsettled by another move.

mayemerald · 13/12/2016 21:40

Bumsex (lol) it's more that since it's an apartment they have to walk through the building to get to it and they are frightened.

AndNothing they are so timid and won't go near anyone. Even me! They are prob hunting though.

OP posts:
Blueskyrain · 13/12/2016 21:48

Could you move back to a more suitable property for them? I don't know why you moved into a flat in the first place, but it was never going to be great for them.

mayemerald · 13/12/2016 21:50

Well, not really. It was my dads apartment and he died. If I was to move it would have to be to rented and lots of places don't allow cats anyway.

OP posts:
Blueskyrain · 13/12/2016 21:57

I've rented a couple of places with cats, it's never been a problem.

I'm very much of the view that its a lifetime commitment so unless it's an emergency, you don't move somewhere incompatible. It was a main consideration when renting (so no flats, no main roads), and the same when we bought the place.

You could always rent out your dad's place, and you're not in a huge rush, so it doesn't matter if you get turned down for a few places - but always ask, no matter what the advert says

glitterandtinsel · 13/12/2016 22:04

My rescue cat's owner went to prison. I ended up rehoming him as the rescue centres were full and the police woman who was involved with the case was told to put him to sleep. The rspca keep the animals for a number of weeks then put them to sleep if they're not rehomed.

mayemerald · 13/12/2016 22:10

I have already said I won't be rehoming them, so no one needs to try and make me feel bad :)

OP posts:
Makeroomforthemushrooms · 13/12/2016 22:25

Can you have some kind of ladder made so they can climb up the outside wall and in through a window? No sure what floor you're on but it could be an option if they're afraid to walk through the building.