Moaning about dh

[Cuddlequeen]

So dh has been depressed altho he won't acknowledge this for the last few months, totally changed personality, becoming very verbally abusive towards me and leaving our dc alone in the house to go out drinking with his friends. This weekend he read messages I have sent to my closest friends (they live 500 miles away so we keep in contact through messenger and FaceTime) telling them what dh has done and yes both myself and them called dh a dickhead because of his behaviour. He has gone off his rocker completely saying I have betrayed him and he never thought I would talk shit behind his back and he can never trust me again.

Me and my friends do have a moan about our other halfs it's just how we are and if it wasn't for these friends support I would not have got through the last few months. So my question is wibu to moan to my friends?

Yanbu. You are allowed to someone that is behaving abusive lyrics towards you and your children a dickhead. Even if you are married to him.

Yep. I work in a similar field. And if you do too you should know exactly how unethical, dodgy and downright abusive it is to go around making diagnoses on non-patients and particularly family members/partners.

Just because he's miserable doesn't make him depressed. It's perfectly possible that he's not depressed but is miserable because he feels he's stuck in a bad marriage and is unhappy. Actually the first thing that jumped into my head was that the sudden change in behaviour might be having an affair so it could be lots of things. We don't know because he's not here to tell us. But I can 100% guarantee that if a woman came on here and said that she was unhappy in her marriage and her husband said there was nothing wrong with the marriage and she was just mentally ill he would have strips torn off him.

You may well not be in the wrong in this situation. But if you continue insisting he is mentally ill then you will be.

If he doesn't like being called a dickhead then he needs to stop acting like one. Under no circumstances should you feel like you need to cover up his behaviour or lie or him or about him.

meant or lie for him

Thanks mum2bomg more than anything I just want us to get through this. But he has to understand that I have to talk to people as this has been such a hard situation.

But he has to understand that I have to talk to people as this has been such a hard situation.

But do you understand that there's a difference between talking to someone and undermining the trust in your relationship by insulting him to your friends: essentially moving them 'up' above him on the rungs of loyalty and strength of the relationship.

He has changed and is behaving in an abusive manner. Its good to get some support because you are going through hell as a result of his abusive behaviour. Your gut is telling you he might be depressed and often gut feelings are correct 90% of the time. Yes of course there is s possibility you could be wrong.

Mist. Of course an abusive man travels down a rung in the ladder of trust. Why should he remain high on that ladder? So that the abuse remains secret?

OP is valuable that you have outside support with this. When the shit hits the fan you often find out how sound relationships are (friends and family)

Keep in mind that one of the main signs of abuse is being isolated from everyone so whilst it's understandable he's somewhat pissed off don't allow him to push it too far.

Being depressed doesn't excuse being a dick, but I do remember depression being called a supremely selfish illness as you're so wrapped up in your misery that you can't really see anything else.

I'd also be wary of letting him stay for Christmas as he might stir trouble just because everyone else is happy and he isn't.

I do hope you manage to work it out as it seems you'd be willing.