To wonder what on earth I do now?

[AbsolutelyCrushed]

I am having a bit of a crisis and I have no idea what to do. I'd really appreciate any thoughts at all.

Until recently, I was employed by a company that I love. I'd been there four years. With no warning, they terminated my contract - they later admitted to my solicitor that it was due to my bipolar; so I could have taken it to tribunal, but my solicitor negotiated 2.5 months salary and a good reference and felt I should leave it there as my health is bad.

We all expected that I'd be employed immediately by another company I worked closely with - they offered me a job the day that they found out; but as negotiations with my other employer were ongoing, I wasn't able to take it. The other employer dragged things out for so long that the opportunity had to be filled temporarily and is now not due to come up until March - I'll be considered for that as they are keen to have me, but they'll have to give first shot to the person they hired to do it now.

So, back to me. October was mostly a blur of negotiations and meetings; November was daily care for the bipolar. December has mostly been a mess of trying to live on my own again, and working out what to do. I had an interview in early December, but they cancelled on the day - they re-arranged for tomorrow, but emailed yesterday to see if I could do today instead, and seem quite angry. Just the pressure from them has me at breaking point; I'm not sure I'm fit to work yet. I can get ESA but it's around £70 per week, it isn't much to live on, and the council won't pay for my full rent. I'm contracted here until next October; i'd literally just renewed. I have nowhere else to go anyway.

I was planning to go self-employed, but I'm not sure i have the strength. I have made no progress yet but have also not really put much into it; the bipolar has sapped my attention and I do nothing but sleep and cry.

I'll run out of money soon. I started claiming PIP but the forms got lost so I have to start again. I am supposed to start treatment for bipolar today but can't make myself get to the pharmacy.

I'm lost. I don't know what to do.

That's so sad. You really need to get the PIP forms sorted as that'll help you a bit financially. Do you have a care worker of any kind who could help you?

If you can't get to the pharmacy, could you call your doctor's and explain?

Can anyone go to the pharmacy on your behalf? If not, if you possibly can, just have it as today's one and only thing to deal with. Don't think about all the other shit, just for now try and get your meds then you may feel in a better place to deal with the other stuff.
There was a PIP thread on here a week or so ago, someone offering to support people to claim it.
Is there a CAB near you? That could be your next step.
Break it down. One thing at a time. 🌻

I would take it one step at a time. First get the PIP forms sorted and you can worry about jobs and the future later. Have you got a friend or family member who could help you with practicalities (e.g. chasing up forms etc) while you concentrate on your MH?

Here's the thread I mentioned.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2764894--to-give-people-assistance-with-claiming-PIP

Do you have any family or close friends you can lean on for a while and who will help you? If not any support groups?

Are you sure you would only get £70wk on esa- how come? Do get an appointment with cab to get your benefits sorted and housing stable.

Are you up and dressed? Is there someone you could call/text who could encourage you or accompany you in person to go to the chemist?

It sounds like you are having a tough time and I am not here to have a go but may I ask why you didn't accept the job when it was offered initially?

You say it was because negotiations were ongoing. Were you expecting the company to change its mind. Even if you have proceedings you would be expected to mitigate your loss so the solicitor should have been advising you to take the position (assuming it was suitable, which it sounds like it was). I hope they didn't advise you not to take it so that you could claim more from the previous employer.

One thing at a time sounds like a plan. I'm dressed now; it took a while but I'm one step closer to going to the pharmacy.

Are you sure you would only get £70wk on esa- how come?

I think that's the assessment rate; and that's what I'd get until about February? But I'm not 100%, it was just what CAB told me quickly on the phone.

It sounds like you are having a tough time and I am not here to have a go but may I ask why you didn't accept the job when it was offered initially?

If we call my old employer Company A and the potential job company Company B; then both my and Company B's contracts with Company A forbid us working together, with Company B's having a heavy financial penalty for stealing staff. My solicitor suggested to Company A that they send us something in writing confirming they were happy for that clause to be relaxed, but Company A wanted their solicitor to sort everything at the same time. It took Company A's solicitor a long time to sort out a new agreement, and Company B had to hire someone.

I will go to the pharmacy today; and if I feel okay when I get back, I'll try and call CAB too.

In terms of support, I don't have a family. I have a close friend who'd come if I needed her, but she's just broken her arm and has children to look after, so I don't really want to hassle her with my problems.

I hope things improve for you soon, you need to get yourself well before taking on a new job. Please try to get to the chemist as the sooner you start taking your medications the sooner you will get well. Also it might help to get some specialist help through CAB to fill out the PIP form and definately read the thread that someone linked to. Do ask for help it sounds like you have a lot to deal with. Hope things improve for you soon .

I have a friend who was on the assessment rate for a few months, at the end of which they got a lump sum covering the difference between assessment rate and their full entitlement. If this happened with you are you in a financial position to stay afloat for those interim months?

Councils can offer discrectionary housing benefit to cover some or all of the difference between a housing benefit award and rent- this would be worth finding out about.

Good that you are dressed. Try to set yourself a limit on faffing then get to the pharmacy, tell yourself to have a cup of tea then set off straight away. You can come straight back home and post for support as soon as you have done it.

Prioritise - get your meds then come up with a plan to deal with short and long term finances, and short and long term mental health issues.

Decaff If they'll backdate it; that's a relief! I'll ask about the discretionary housing payment, too. Thank you

I have been to the pharmacy, managed to brave the shop and got some lunch, too. Now home and have taken my first dose of meds, which is a bit strange but no effects or anything yet. The doctor has prescribed diazepam too incase I need it.

It feels alien that I was working full-time, and mostly enjoying it, until a few months ago - and now I'm wondering how I can make it through to bedtime.

One day at a time. Don't worry about comparing your current life to your past or anyone else, just try to get through the challenges you currently face- everyone has ups and downs in their life.

Do you find lists helpful? If so, maybe try a list for tomorrow, week, month. Eg dressed and out of the house, take meds, deal with one item from week list.

Most people find getting out of the house every day is useful for their mental health, going out for lunch is great if you can afford it, or a walk after lunch if you can't - feel the sun and experience a little social interaction.

I hope you have a productive day tomorrow too. I'm not an expert so try to find out the official position on esa, whether you would get a back payment or not and if you can work out a budget that would keep you afloat in the short term.