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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be annoyed with my friend?

7 replies

alazuli · 13/12/2016 00:42

He's one of my best mates. Has been for a long time. He's a great listener, very supportive, funny, we have loads to talk about except for the fact that I never see him. He's a bit of a hermit but we talk on the phone all the time.

Every time I arrange to meet, he always disappears on me and it never happens. On average I see him once a year. I've accepted that's how it is with him except my mum died a few months ago. I thought at such a time he'd at least step it up a bit but no. He never offered to come round. The only time he did was because I started crying on the phone.

I ended up buying a house 10 minutes down the road from him. Asked him to come round to see it, he agrees and guess what I can't get hold of him. Ever since then I can't be bothered anymore. He's called me and left messages on my phone apologising but I just feel like I need people I can count on right now to be there when they say they're going to.

Or am I overreacting? Obviously people are busy and have their own lives to lead. He's always very caring on the phone although TBH it's usually me calling him.

OP posts:
SheNumpty · 13/12/2016 01:12

No, you're not being unreasonable. I felt the same way about some people after I lost my Mum. I'm sorry for your loss Flowers by the way.

Do you have other friends who can support you? Sometimes the people you think will be there the most are the people who are the most disappointing.

Be kind to yourself, remember that you're grieving and now wouldn't be the best time to decide to cut anyone out of your life. It may be that he doesn't feel able to support you if he's got no experience of loss that's this significant.

mortgagefreesoon5 · 13/12/2016 01:23

I wonder if your friend suffers from anxiety or social phobia. To me he sounds like he cares about you.

Sneery · 13/12/2016 01:41

Blimey if he's one of your best mates then I'd hate to meet one of your regular mates. Confused

He obviously isn't that fussed about seeing you so you should stop bothering with him so much. It doesn't mean that he doesn't like you just that he prioritises other things.

Idiotxit · 13/12/2016 01:53

I wonder if your friend suffers from anxiety or social phobia. To me he sounds like he cares about you

That's exactly what I thought. That he's trying to be the best friend he can be, but has limits due to anxiety.

He could be intensely introverted, feel unable to much in person, but able to deal with phone calls.

DixieWishbone · 13/12/2016 01:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PineappleExpress · 13/12/2016 01:58

I wonder if your friend suffers from anxiety or social phobia. To me he sounds like he cares about you.

^ This.
I care greatly for my friends and will always be there for them, but I have really bad anxiety and sometimes it becomes impossible for me to leave the house. It's embarrassing to admit, even to the people closest to me, and I have had to bail on plans before.
I do think I would be able to suck it up and invite my friend round to mine instead, if they had just lost their DM, though.

Sneery · 13/12/2016 08:15

Good point about the possibility of him having anxiety or social issues.

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