Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask if I am overreacting and if anyone here knows how to speak Hungarian?

53 replies

SuspiciousAndCrazy · 12/12/2016 23:12

  1. My boyfriend has a LOT of female friends. None of them are ex's, but they're VERY close. One of them sends him close to 30-40 messages a day even though she's married and has a child. She pours her heart out to him about her marriage and her awful husband.
The other one messages him at odd hours of the night and punctuates her messages with hearts and kiss emojis. The third one borrows money all the time. The fourth one thinks he's her girlfriend and tells him intimate details of her sex life.

ALL of them piss me off and I've basically had enough. I know he isn't sleeping around with them nor does he have a history with them. But the closeness upsets me especially because he gets very obviously insecure of my male friends.

  1. I know I'm crazy, but all these messages exchanged between him and these women are in Hungarian. Does anyone here know the language? And if you have time, might I run a few of these messages by you?
OP posts:
JustSpeakSense · 13/12/2016 07:56

This is not the way decent men who are in loving and committed relationships act, no matter what language you speak.

GrandDesespoir · 13/12/2016 11:00

Longdistance I didn't just make that up for the hell of it. Hmm 'Nem' can also mean 'sex' - according to my Hungarian phrase book, anyway. I think it's more in the sense of 'gender', but Google translate often isn't a precision tool.

Hope you sort the situation out, OP.

BunnyBunnyMooseMoose · 13/12/2016 11:28

Longdistance Grant is right, nem means no and also sex (as in gender).

Suspicious I can translate you Smile

BunnyBunnyMooseMoose · 13/12/2016 11:28

*for you

BunnyBunnyMooseMoose · 13/12/2016 11:32

Sorry, it's Grand not Grant

Original poster
SuspiciousAndCrazy · 13/12/2016 11:38

I wouldn't dream of dictating who he can talk to or whether he should have female friends or not

BUT, he needs to draw boundaries with them. I realise he's had unusually close relationships with those women so far, but he needs to withdraw from them a little bit now that he claims to be serious with me.

OP posts:
trufflepiggy · 13/12/2016 11:39

I speak Hungarian

haveacupoftea · 13/12/2016 11:43

I think you need to stop being afraid of being seen as controlling and tell him you find his behavior unacceptable in a partner.

CozumelFox · 13/12/2016 11:58

A translation might help, it may not, but ultimately, he has very emotional and rather sexual (even if he's just receiving sexual messages) exchanges with other women, lends them money, and doesn't like you having male friends. None of this is good. He isn't going to change.

Dealbreaker for me.

FlappysMammyAndPopeInExile · 13/12/2016 11:58

Someone told me that Hungarian and Russian are the two languages with the most filthy swear words.

Apparently Welsh(bless) doesn't have any.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 13/12/2016 11:59

*I wouldn't dream of dictating who he can talk to or whether he should have female friends or not

BUT, he needs to draw boundaries with them. I realise he's had unusually close relationships with those women so far, but he needs to withdraw from them a little bit now that he claims to be serious with me.*

The first requires someone who does the second automatically to be successful.

If his idea of acceptable boundaries doesn't match yours, or his idea of close friendships is different to yours, or just if his behaviour in general isn't what works for you, you need to either be able to talk about it (and have him take it on board) or to part ways.

7SunshineSeven7 · 13/12/2016 12:02

So of the women I think.

  1. Your boyfriend is a good friend of hers and she feels comfortable telling him things and worries she has about her marriage with him that she might not be able to tell anyone else.

  2. I know people who put a kiss or emoji in literally every text. I think if she's texting him late it would get annoying if we were in bed and it was waking me up but not if it was before 11 say.

  3. Its your BFs money, he can lend it if he wants.

  4. So? I do this with both male and female friends - its because we're close. I don't change the way I behave with my friends due to their gender and we're all just very open with eachother and discuss things like this.

I think you need to stop going through his phone messages and trying to work out what they mean - this is painting you in an awful light. Sit down and speak to him about your worries like a grown up, just like he should be doing if he's insecure about your male friends.

IndieBamBindi · 13/12/2016 13:49

Op are you private messaging the posters as quite a few have just told you they can translate hungarian

1horatio · 13/12/2016 14:09

Send the messages to somebody that can translate them.

Original poster
SuspiciousAndCrazy · 13/12/2016 15:16

I am Smile and thank you to everyone for their help and advice!

OP posts:
FatOldBag · 13/12/2016 15:32

You've posted about this guy before haven't you? I don't know why you're still wasting your time with him. Be with someone who makes you feel loved and secure and prioritised and respected. If dh was messaging 4 different women (or even 1) up to 30 times a day I would tell him to sling his hook. It doesn't matter if the messages are 'surface innocent', that level of interest and contact is inappropriate for someone in a relationship.

Lily311 · 13/12/2016 15:57

I am hungarian, You Can send them to me.

Lateralthinker2016 · 13/12/2016 16:40

If leave my other half for doing this.... Even if the messages were innocent, because why devote so much time to messaging other women? That's not of any benefit to your rs is it?....

Longdistance · 14/12/2016 21:44

According to my bilingual translational skills in Hungarian nem is gender no need for a phrase book Hmm

Has anyone got a PM from the op to translate?

I've offered, I don't charge Wink

GreatFuckability · 14/12/2016 21:51

Where they his friends before you were a couple? It doesn't sound like either of you is especially secure in your relationship.

GreatFuckability · 14/12/2016 21:59

flappy we have some swear words in welsh. Not many though and they are fairly tame lol.
Gast means bitch
Cythraul/diawl are literally devil, but used to mean a bit of a mild arsehole type. Grin

Original poster
SuspiciousAndCrazy · 05/01/2017 10:50

Mumsnet is a great place Smile

Thank you to everyone who has helped with advice and translations Smile

I obviously haven't been able to get into his phone for ALL the messages with all his friends

The ones I have gotten translated seem fairly innocent from a sexual perspective- I know he's not having an affair.

But he is discussing the relationship with his female friends and at least one of them is very passive aggressive while talking about me.

Reassuringly he has told her he can't meet her alone because I wouldn't like it but even so...

I don't like his friendship with all these women even if he clearly isn't having sex with them

Don't know what else to say ...

I don't know whether I should keep searching for more messages or just let it go because ignorance is bliss...

OP posts:
GarrulousGrimoire · 05/01/2017 10:56

I'm just hanging around to see the message reveal Grin

But while I'm here what does "Dew" (phonetic) mean in Welsh, that seemed sweary and I heard it a LOT.

CaoNiMa · 05/01/2017 11:10

TBD, I'd get rid, OP. This climate of suspicion doesn't sound healthy or enjoyable.

CaoNiMa · 05/01/2017 11:10

TBH not TBD! Abbreviation fail

Swipe left for the next trending thread