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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think my Dog doesn't like my boyfriend?

27 replies

talksensetome · 12/12/2016 22:05

So I am seeing a bloke, my dog which up to now has had my whole attention in the evenings seems to be jealous.

As soon as boyfriend moves DDOG jumps and lays of top of me, any time bf tries to kiss me DDOG gets involved and gets his head right in and tries licking my face, he tries to get on top of us both but bf won't have it.

No the grand finale, since bf started staying over DDOG has had to sleep in his own bed which he has tried to protest about by getting back in the people bed. However I have stuck to dog on the dog bed and tonight he has peed on my bed, right at the pillow end even digging a little hole in the pilloes/duvet to do it.

He is perfectly house trained, not a pup and we had been put for a walk less than an hour before.

So am I being unreasonable to think DDOG did it on purpose because he doesn't like .you boyfriend?

OP posts:

Bailey101 · 12/12/2016 22:13

He's probably more jealous of the attention your bf's getting, rather then dislikes the bf iyswim. No advice though, I had the same issues with my cat and I'm single again......

Original poster

talksensetome · 12/12/2016 22:33

Because of the cats behaviour Bailey? He was jealous of my ds at first but they got used to eager other. Hope home and the bf learn to get along.

OP posts:

icy121 · 12/12/2016 22:37

Sounds like dog needs to learn his place is bottom of the pack. Back to basics! No dogs on bed, or eating first or anything like that. Bad behaviour gets him put out into another room, no attention etc. He needs to learn that he's not above the humans - it's when dogs don't know their place that nipping or worse can take place. Not that your dog is at all violent but it's all a spectrum of behaviour innit. Dog in the doghouse!!

Original poster

talksensetome · 12/12/2016 22:42

That's what BF is helping me to establish as DDOG was walking all over me, DDOG is protesting.....

OP posts:

isupposeitsverynice · 12/12/2016 22:43

My cat used to piss on the bed if I had a boyfriend stay over. I'd shut the dog out of the bedroom permanently, I think. (The cat used to wait days to take revenge for me daring to let another man sleep in his bed)

Keletubbie · 12/12/2016 22:45

My dog hates my boyfriend. She's had a couple of years of being the sole focus of my attention once DD is in bed, and sleeps in my bed with her head on the pillow. Sometimes we spoon.

Now this big hairy dickhead is trying to take her place, so she takes every opportunity to pee on his stuff.

Cuttingthecheese · 12/12/2016 22:46

Well he will do, if you let an animal sleep with you in your bed (yuk by the way) that's his bed. Where do you expect him to want to sleep?

This is your doing, you now need to undo the bad habits you have got your dog into.

StarryIllusion · 12/12/2016 22:48

He is probably jealous. Doesn't sound like he actually dislikes him, he is just encroaching on his territory. If he actually hated him though I'd probably dump him. My dogs are much better judges of character than I am.

sparechange · 12/12/2016 22:48

Icy is right (apart from the pack thing, which is nonsense)
The peeing thing is placemarking of sorts. The dog is feeling insecure and is trying to make your bed smell like his bed so you will recognise his smell there and let him sleep on the bed with you.

Back to basics indeed, and being very firm to shutdown bad behaviour but your bf also needs to help the dog feel more secure. He can feed him his dinner, plus treats. You should share the commands to send him to his bed etc rather than one of you always doing it
Lots of positive reinforcement and praise when he does good things like being in his bed etc so he can learn to get your attention and praise by doing the things you want him to, rather than 'attention seeking' such as the peeing

What breed is he and how old?

Original poster

talksensetome · 12/12/2016 22:49

I am trying cutting I have bought him a fantastic bed of his own with an orthopedic mattress. It's not the same as spooning your owner though. He is most put out.

Glad I am not the only one who has had this issue though! Haha big hairy dick head

OP posts:

Ethylred · 12/12/2016 23:11

Too little information here.

(1) What breed is the dog? Some breeds are more neurotic than others.

(2) Ditto for bf.

Keletubbie · 12/12/2016 23:13

I love my dog. She's snoring away next to me in bed. She's quite blind and deaf, with arthritis and patchy fur. Most of her life was pretty bad, so she's really getting spoiled in her golden years. She is gradually accepting my partner but I think she would prefer him to just disappear

Original poster

talksensetome · 12/12/2016 23:24

Red he is American Bulldog just over two and a half.

The bf is human toyboy variety almost 22.

OP posts:

Bailey101 · 12/12/2016 23:32

Yup, because of the cat - the sod peed on the bf's clothes, his shoes and then finally on the bf

I got told to make a choice between the two of them. He wasn't a very good boyfriend in the first place, so it wasn't too hard.

Ive had other boyfriends who the cat hasn't declared war on, and looking back they always gave him the best spot on the sofa and bought dreamies - he's pretty mercenary

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 12/12/2016 23:36

Your dog is huge, half pony half dog!

Original poster

talksensetome · 12/12/2016 23:43

Ah so bribery is the route to go down.

Given the same choice I would go with the pet every time too.

Haha he is pretty hefty, I think that angle makes him look bigger though and I am fairly small.

The other dog is the bfs dog. A beautiful well behaved rottweiler.

OP posts:

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 13/12/2016 00:17

How much does he weigh? Rotties are pretty big so that gives an idea of scale.

Big dogs make good hot water bottles, till you get a bf...

dailyfailplagiarism · 13/12/2016 01:42

Our dog growing up used to sandwich herself between my sister and her bf and fart if they tried getting to close.

WiddlinDiddlin · 13/12/2016 04:55

Dogs really don't experience the complex jealousy humans experience.

Your dog is anxious and insecure, for a number of reasons.

1/ This person is new to him and men are often intimidating towards dogs due to their voices, their stance and way of moving
2/You are changing the rules your dog used to understand - no one likes change even when they DO understand it!
3/ For a dog, people being intimate is often a worrying experience, more so if one of those people is their primary care giver and the other is a new intimidating man

If you ARE doing any of the pack leader bullshit or trying to demote your dog or get hard line on him and teach him his 'place' - theres a bloody good chance thats actually going to make things worse.

Think this through and have a little sympathy toward your dog please!

Pair the experience of your boyfriend being there with high value rewards and treats for your dog - so boyfriend arrives, doggo gets his dinner in a Kong with some yummies in there - boyfriend can be the Kong provider.

Want a kiss and a cuddle - arm yourself with some treats and each kiss gets doggo a treat tossed to him over on the floor.

Bedtime, be patient, put his bed somewhere comfy, consider raising it up off the floor - dogs like people beds because they STINK of us, they are raised up off the ground and very safe and secure. Do your best to recreate that with his actual bed and then teach him to go to it and reward him for staying in it, building up duration slowly. If he gets out of his bed and on yours, calmly and kindly ask him to get off it (and make sure you are asking him to get OFF and not pointlessly shouting 'down' at your dog who is almost certainly already lying DOWN and thinking you are nuts) and again reward him for getting off (and quickly make a point of asking him to get off, then asking him to do something else, before he gets his reward so he doesnt learn to get ON just to be asked to get OFF to earn a treat)..

He has peed on your bed as someone else said, because he is anxious and insecure and associating his smell with yours makes him feel better, NOT because he is getting revenge on you!

HaBumhug · 13/12/2016 07:07

I absolutely agree with everything WiddlinDiddlin just wrote.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 13/12/2016 07:25

Our dog growing up used to sandwich herself between my sister and her bf and fart if they tried getting to close.

Bet your parents taught him that trick ....

neonrainbow · 13/12/2016 07:30

Pack theory is a load of bullshit. Have you thought about clicker training to reinforce what widdlin says? It helps the dog to pinpoint exactly what they're being praised for.

LotsoNumbers · 13/12/2016 07:34

Agree with widdlindiddlin, there's no such thing as pack hierarchy. Your dog is feeling insecure and taking a harsh line on him is unfair to him, he's had his world turned upside down and struggling to adjust. Make the bfs presence a pleasurable experience for your dog

LooksBetterWithAFilter · 13/12/2016 07:36

My dog was a bit like this including the peeing when I met dh. Now she love him most, I always joke that she thinks she's his girlfriend.
Like widdlin said it was a lot of treats and patience that made a difference. She was a nightmare to sleep with anyway would doughnut in the middle of the bed instead of taking the whole half of a king size that was all hers. He also became the one that fed her and she loves food. Oh and she stole an old dressing gown of mine and took it to her bed. I let her keep it.
But my God your dog is huge. He looks like he needs a double bed all to himself.

NavyandWhite · 13/12/2016 07:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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