To think I should at least have a text as an update?

[MammaTJ]

I have a neighbour on her 70's who has become a good friend.
I used to go over every Sunday for a few hours to keep her company as she cannot get out due to lack of buses.
She has been ill recently. The first time, her DS and family happened to be visiting, and got the keys from me to get in as she was confused and could not unlock the door for him. I went over and made the decision to phone an ambulance, she was in hospital a few days.
I then visited twice a day, on her discharge as I did not think she should be home. DS then text me asking me to check on her a few hours earlier as he had phoned and she did not sound right. I ran over, nothing on my feet (my own fault in my haste) and she needed an ambulance! The hospital got fined as it was a quick readmission after discharge. She stayed a couple of weeks next time.
I gradually reduced my visits to an hour every evening, then 2-3 hours on Sat and Sun.

She has been home a while this time and on Friday was not great. She had had a TIA, while I was there, but recovered quickly and said she did not want an ambulance. They would have assessed her and found her ok and left anyway! I did check on her later by phone, then Sat morning. Also, as usual Sat night.

Sunday I got a phone call from her niece and a text from her DS saying that she was not well and could I check on her, which I did! I found a trail of destruction, where she had been dropping stuff and she had a dropped lip, slurred speech and confusion, so I called an ambulance!

They came and took her to hospital, all good. I have her dog, I sorted her house (turned off heating, washed up dishes, cleaned up mess).

I have not had an update from her DS, her next of kin since. I made a point of ringing all her family, including her DS, when the ambulance took her away.

AIBU to want to text (our normal form of contact) a text stating my disappointment in lack of news? I know she has been moved to ITU and is stable, but that is all they will tell me as a non relative.

I am so upset and frustrated that I have not been told all that is going on!

They rely on me to look after her, surely they should let me know!

Also I definitely definitely would not text "stating my disappointment!" They have enough going on without getting stroppy texts. If you do text, just ask how she is with no disapproving comments...

It's ok Richard, I have seen one of her sons, her sister and her daughter now. She is home, they all thanked me for looking after her. I will go over in a bit and put her heating back onto timed, as I put in on constant earlier at her request. I am still taking care of her, but can step back a little for a few days, while her sister is visiting. It is all over till next time, which I hope there will not but, while fearing there will be!

What a wonderful friend you are OP and yes, considering how much the family involved you in her cake and very much relied on you to help, I would say you have every right to be annoyed at not being updated.

If I were your neighbour's family I would be kissing the ground you walk on. You sound so kind and caring.

You should have had an update, but they may have just overlooked it in the chaos etc.

mammaTJ , I have also done two years of a nursing degree and years of care work and am in no way qualified to assess like that and in fact if you were a qualified nurse you would risk your authority to practice by taking that decision on yourself. You made yourself liable.

But echoing what others have said, you have been an amazing friend to this lady and deserve to be updated.

You are ace.

She has been home and did ok for a few weeks. She then had another stroke and I found her collapsed on the floor. I called the ambulance. A doctor came within minutes, although the ambulance took a little longer. The doctor called the fire brigade, as she was stuck between her bed and the wall and had been there for some time.

This stroke appears to be worse and I think recovery will be a long hard road. I have managed to visit her a few times in the couple of weeks she has been there and some of her family members, who live away, have stayed in her house, to enable them to visit her.They come and get the keys from me and have been good about updating me.

Also, as very nice surprise, which I certainly did not ask for, was an amazon voucher appearing in the post for me one day last week as a thank you for all I have done for her. A bunch of flowers would have been nice, but this was exceptional and not at all expected.

Sorry I think you did the wrong thing on the Saturday. If you'd noticed she'd had a TIA when you were there you should have called an ambulance then and let registered professionals make a decision on what needed to be done. If she hadn't wanted to follow medical advice after that, then so be it.

How did she do the wrong thing hopelesslycynical she did call an ambulance ???