To encourage DH to at least look at this place?

[ohmygodyouguys]

DH hasn't been really happy at his work for a long time now. He's the lead programmer at a very small company (10 employees, a few of which are part time) that makes games designed for training in workplaces. He's been doing lots of extra work at home for a long time now and last week he ended up having only 20-30 hours sleep with all the extra work he was doing. There are one or two fairly new people there who are often asking him for help or to check they've done something right, or doing things in an excessively complicated way when it could be done more easily and the bells and whistles added later. This means he takes longer to get his own work done.

He's also a bit worried about the future of the company, as far as he can tell there may not be much new work lined up for them, however he's reluctant to look elsewhere as the company has had similar issues before and come through ok. He's also a bit wary of his boss finding out he's looking for a new position.

I read today about a local company in the same field that has expanded, so I had a look at their website to see if they were hiring and they are, for jobs that DH could do. It does look like a great place to work and it's quite a large and successful company from what I can see.

I mentioned this to DH and he's heard of this company but for some reason doesn't want to have a look at it. He seems to want to wait until he knows what's going on with his current job.

Any thoughts on how to get him to at least have a look at this place and type up a CV? I just think it would be sensible to explore other options if his job isn't necessarily secure and he's getting stressed where he is.

Bump.

I think you'd be best backing off. How would you feel if he started waving jobs under your nose? Maybe the new job isn't quite his skillset or his exact speciality. Maybe the salary's low - there are some dreadful senior dev salaries out there right now, pretty insultingly low, so many of the public ads aren't worth bothering with and the better work is coming via agents, direct contact and LinkedIn.

Big companies are not necessarily better - last in first out, mass sweeping redundancies, being totally faceless in a role where you want to shine and be noticed?

I hear you on the workaholic front - my DH is a lead developer, small team, startup, stupid mental hours (he's pretty much on from 7am til 11pm with a break for a meal, and it's driving me insane), but suggesting he leave isn't the way. Suggesting he manages the workload better or prioritises family time, yeah, that doesn't go down well either.

So yeah, I get the problem, but he probably is better to keep where he is - the project could take off, they get a new client, they go in a new direction. Or it winds up naturally and he can seek new work knowing he gave the last one his best shot rather than jumping ship.

I'd back off.

I get your frustration if he's sounding off about how miserable he is at work, yet seems unwilling to do anything about it.

A bigger, expanding company doesn't necessarily mean better and in terms of work pressures it really could be a case of out of the frying pan into the fire.

I learned a while back to just let DH decide to find his own jobs. Frustrating, but I wasted so much time looking for a potential job for him a few years ago, that I won't do it again. I'm currently at home with a toddler, so we can move for his job if need be though. Much more difficult if you both need to find a job if you move area.

I am going to buck the trend here. My dp works in the same sort of role as yours and I find its worth gently pushing him to apply at new places. He often finds that he's very excited about a new place once he has an interview and meets the new team.

Change is difficult. Why don't you make a pros and cons list together?

He hasn't even looked at the job so doesn't know whether he'd be suitable or not, from my knowledge of what he can do I thought it looked ideal, though of course he'did know better than I would. No mention of salary though.

He's not a workaholic as such, he does the work at home simply because it needs done, nor because he wants to do it. I'm not giving him a hard time over that. I also think it has a lot to do with the fact he went straight into his current job from uni, so hasn't had an interview for over 12 years.

Pros and cons list is a good idea, thank you.

He would know better, not he did.

Your DH sounds very beat down and, probably through overwork, sleep deprivation and stress of workplace responsibility, not thinking beyond getting through the next day. My DH, in a similar position a couple of years ago, was in no shape to consider other options even though he knew deep down something had to give. His thinking was the company needed to/ would make the changes not him. It took him a long time, and coming close to a breakdown, to accept things were never going to improve where he was. When it did come, it was something really petty, but it gave him the spur he needed.

You must be very worried for him but you do have to step back a little. Be there to be his sounding board, let him vent about work, and yes, raise the possibility of him exploring other options. Sooner or later he will realise the company isn't going to change in any meaningful way and they'll happily let him take in more and more as long as he allows them to. It will come to a head but that will happen in his time not yours,

I raised the possibility of looking at other companies - we were lucky to live in an area where his skills and experience were in high demand - but I didn't go as far as printing off applications. You have to let him come to that decision