The dreaded kids birthday parties

6 replies

gabsdot · 12/12/2016 20:16

I had a situation today, it all worked out in the end but I'm wondering if I'm the only person who thinks the other mothers behaviour was a bit unreasonable

My DD is 9 and has a good friend who's birthday party was today. They are good friends, out families are friends actually and they go to school together, car pool and they spend a lot of time together.

DD got an invite to the party at 5pm at the girls house. I picked birthday girl up this morning to bring her and DD to school and she started telling us that she was having 2 parties, some people were going to do an activity first, then back to their house for cake and games and more people were going to come then. My DD had only been invited to the 2nd bit.

I was actually very hurt about this and I did think about talking to the mother to see how many other kids were coming at 5pm, was DD the only one not going to the activity?

Then the mother rang me to say that someone was ill and she had an extra ticket to DD could come to the activity after all. So she went and had a great time and when I picked her up it looked like about 5 kids had come to the house for the second party.

Basically I'm wondering what people think about this. I think it could potentially be very hurtful for kids to turn up to a party to find out that there had been an activity that they hadn't been invited to. I'd rather DD not be invited at all. I understand that activities are expensive and not everyone can be invited to everything but I think the way this was organised was a bit mean.
I'd feel sad if I met up with friends and found out they'd just come from doing something without me and I think it's worse for kids.

OP posts:

Candlestickchick · 12/12/2016 21:56

I don't have kids so might not have the best insight, but I'm with you. Either do an activity you can afford to invite everyone along to, or just have something at the house.

If you really must have an activity so expensive that friends aren't invited, then just have those who were invited to it come back for cake.

The way this was done sounds like a recipe for making children feel left out.

Ameliablue · 12/12/2016 22:08

It's a bit of really, I think sometimes people have two parties with different groups of friends/relatives and there might be some overlap between them but this sounds more of a two tier of friendship which is a bit crass.

misshelena · 13/12/2016 00:34

I am generally of the opinion that you are free to invite or exclude whoever you want for your own party. However, in this case, I agree with you -- there is no need to make a second-class invitee level. If the mom wants to do something extra special and more costly with just a couple of dd's besties, she can do so without screaming to her other friends that they are "2nd class". For ex, take 3 of dd's besties to a play in the city this weekend. Next weekend, hold dd's general party where she's invited 20 of her friends.

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/12/2016 00:36

It's weird.

Sweets101 · 13/12/2016 00:38

Yup agree with you

IMissGrannyW · 13/12/2016 00:43

Y'see... I did this one year. But in reverse. DD wanted a party and then a sleepover after, and we don't have space for all the party guests to sleep over. And I did tell DD it was better to be honest, but she was worried about upsetting people, so we did it her way (i'd know better now) and we sent out, say 10, invitations with 5 of them also being invited to sleepover after. The invites specifically asked the guests sleeping over not to mention it. DN, in the middle of the party said "hands up who's sleeping over" leading to the other 4 awkwardly raising hands and the other 5 going "what sleepover". DD mortified.
When I raised this with DSis later, she said "well, DN never even read the invitation - I did"

The thing is, you child has this one special day a year, which you accommodate to the best of your ability, within the constraints of things like what you can afford and what you can practically do. Having been through my experience, we'd do it differently now. We weren't trying to upset or exclude anyone. But we did.

Do think it's a poor show you weren't automatically invited to both given your closeness to the birthday child's life. But assume your birthday child had views on who to invite to what. These things are a minefield, and hopefully they've learnt something too.

Flip