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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My 2yr old daughter doesn't want to come near me.

15 replies

Reggybalboa · 12/12/2016 18:35

This is not really an "AIBU" - it is my first post and I couldn't get it to post in parenting.
I have three children the eldest two are 6 and 8. My youngest is 2.5 and has never been to nursery. She is always with me except for when I work two days a week and my parents look after her. In fact, I do very little without her by my side and we get along very well usually.
The last three weeks however I have been rather unwell and the whole of last week I was in hospital. The kids visited a couple of times and when my daughter came she just clung to my mum and didn't want to come near me. We just assumed that she was a bit freaked out let her get on with it.
However I was discharged on Saturday and she still doesn't want me. She won't sit near me or be left alone with me. She will only go to her dad or my mum.
This afternoon she fell off the sofa and bumped her head and she wouldn't let me comfort her. She just kept reaching out for my mum.
I am still off my legs so my mum is doing all her care so I am trying not to take it personally but it is really starting to feel quite difficult now.
Has anyone else been through anything similar?

OP posts:

DOTLEYtheONEeyedDINO · 12/12/2016 18:47

She will get over it. She has probably been very scared (without understanding the feeling). You disappeared. Mummy went. It's not your fault obviously. But she's just latching on to the people that are constant and didn't disappear. She really will come round. The experience of you being away (in hospital) was probably quite frightening for her, however well you explained and prepared her for it. Hope you're feeling better soon.

havingabadhairday · 12/12/2016 18:47

Not quite like that, my DS didn't refuse to come to me, but he did briefly become very aggressive towards me. A lot of reassurance and acknowledging and naming his feelings helped, until he could express it verbally and say he was worried I was going to go away again.

MrsBobDylan · 12/12/2016 19:04

When my 3rd dc was 2 I had an accident - he was with me at the time and thankfully was uninjured. I looked a right merry mess for weeks and my dc who previously only let me settle him at night would have nothing to do with me.

I really thought I'd lost his love but he was just scared and I was part of that fear. After a couple of weeks DC asked for me at bedtime and it has stayed that was since.

Your DC will come round - hang in there!

Sorry to hear you're having a rough time, hope you feel better soon.

Original poster

Reggybalboa · 12/12/2016 19:06

Thanks people. I don't think anyone has really tried to explain to her. I guess we all thought she wouldn't understand. And it was sudden. Perhaps I should try to explain it to her.

OP posts:

DonkeyOaty · 12/12/2016 19:09

A stay in hospital for me after a ridiculous accident ended up with my youngest being really odd and strange and rejecting of me. Apparently I didn't 'smell right, not like Mummy' .Which was awwww

nipping out for a fag after returning home to convalesce did the trick

KERALA1 · 12/12/2016 19:12

My 2 year old rejected me for a while my sisters did the same. A stage but an upsetting one!

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 12/12/2016 19:21

Yes ! My elder went abroad with his dad when I was Pregant . I went to meet them off the train and he completely iced me !!!! I was pretty upset . Needless to say it passed but very normal (bloody 2 year olds and their lack Of empathy !!)

BlackberryandNettle · 12/12/2016 19:24

It will pass, I was in hospital for three days having DC2 and DC1, then aged 18 months, ignored me when I got home. She soon went back to normal and forgot the whole experience but I guess it's all very bewildering for them at the time

LeopardPrintSocks1 · 12/12/2016 19:27

My friends daughter was like this when she was in hospital following a c section. She was in for a week or so and her daughter clung to her dad after she got home. I think they get scared you're going to leave again and are just a bit anxious.
Just give her lots of time, love and she'll come back to you soon once she sees you're home for good. It's a difficult age

TotalConfucius · 12/12/2016 19:33

DS had major surgery in a hospital far away when DD was 3, so I was only able to get home every couple of days for s couple of hours. She was perfectly cared for in our home by my sister. But she was quite funny with me for a while afterwards. I became convinced that our relationship was ruined (and actually had some counselling around this). It sorted itself out really, with a bit of attention, some one-to-one time and lots of cuddles.

She's 15 now and still tells me she loves me every night. (As long as I don't try to tidy up her make-up pile.)

comoneileen · 12/12/2016 19:58

You will be surprised how much children can understand. Try to explain in very simple words that you were poorly and that you had to go to the hospital to make you better. Hospital is only for sick people and DD could not come with you. I am sure it will help.

comoneileen · 12/12/2016 19:59

You could also buy some little stories or go to the library and find something on hospitals.

Original poster

Reggybalboa · 12/12/2016 20:02

Thank you all so much. I feel so reassured. Thanks also for the little tips on how to get her to understand it.

OP posts:

TheSconeOfStone · 12/12/2016 20:06

My DD aged 2 wouldn't go near my DH after only one night in hospital following surgery on his knee. The crutches freaked her out. It was upsetting for us all but she got over it.

I hope you get well soon,

RB68 · 12/12/2016 20:23

\i think its normal, but you need to just spend some time building things back up - special story time, tree decorating present wrapping one on one time for a bit

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