To be annoyed that people assume my dc have different fathers because there is a large age gap?

[catsarenice]

Just that really - lost count of the number of people who ask if dc1 still sees her Dad or comment how nice it must be for dp now he has his own child!

I have a 9 year gap between my youngest two. I started a new job a few months ago, so lots of new people to get to know. Nobody has directly asked, but I am very aware of them wondering. They tend to ask "how long have you been married" rather than directly asking about parentage, though.

My two are almost a decade apart and I have been asked that. I'm not bothered. I can see why people might wonder though I'm slightly bemused why they are interested in my little life. (Mine do have the same Dad if that's relevant).

There's six years between dd2 and dd3 and nobody has said this to me but I did have plenty of 'is it an accident?' (No) and 'desperate for a boy after two girls?' (No) followed by 'are you disappointed' when she was born (definitely NO!) I found it pretty rude so I can see why the op is annoyed.

There is an 12 year gap between my eldest and middle child the consultant at an anti natal appointment asked if there was different fathers (yes but not sure why it is relevant)

There is twelve years between me (the youngest) and my eldest sibling in my family...there are four of us siblings in total. I have been asked on more than one occasion by people who don't really know us if I was the unexpected one or if I have a different dad. It's annoying but I just brush it off. We all have the same dad and I have never asked if I was planned or not, it doesn't make a difference...

How amusingly intrusive!

My friend who had her third baby at 40 said that everyone at the hospital assumed that the older two children had a different father. I guess it's pretty unusual these days for third children or children after a big age gap to have the same father as their siblings. Sign of the times.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not crying in my tea over it or anything, it's just annoying that dp has had a daughter for 9 years and now suddenly the assumption is that she's not his! Although as I'm sitting here writing my xmas cards I've realised that all of my friends with a large gap between children did actually have the youngest in a new relationship so perhaps it is a reasonable assumption to make but no idea why people feel the need to say it out loud!!

My two look very different (one dark and Mediterranean, the other blonde and pale) and they're only 19 months apart - and I've been asked countless times if they have the same dad! As a single parent it drove me to distraction.

I agree it's very rude.

Not because one or the other is the 'right' option but simply because it's very rude.

I would ask them brightly, "Why do you ask?" and wait for a reply.

If it's any consolation you're in good company. Deborah Mitford (Devonshire) and her husband had a very large gap between their two older children and their youngest child. She wrote in her biography that people would ask curiously, "Who was your first husband?" The gap was due to numerous tragically premature births

*should be "older surviving children and youngest surviving child"

My sister is 18 years younger than me, we used to get asked this all the time, almost as annoying as people assuming I am her mum! We have the same dad, the same mum, there's just a biiiiig gap. Yanbu

We have the opposite; DS1 isn't DH's child but everyone's always assumed they're father and son since DS1 was tiny. They look weirdly similar, though, which helps.

YANBU though, it's a rude assumption to make.

I don't get why people can be so rude like this some people can't afford to have children one after the other and space them out accordingly or they've had miscarriages in between or TTC problems why can't people just keep it shut and think ??

Jmh - medics actually have a reason to ask. Your risk of pre-eclampsia goes down in pregnancies after your first as long as the baby has the same father as the first. If it's a new partner you ar e basically back to zero and have a similar risk of getting pre-eclampsia as in your first ever pregnancy. So if you have pre-eclampsia with one pregnancy and then get pregnant with somebody else you won't be as much at risk as if you'd stayed with the first partner.

I get that question lots. That's when they aren't assuming Oldest DD and DS are mother and son. I've really no idea why my children's parentage is sooo interesting to people. I mean I'm not going to enter them at crufts, nor are they in line for the throne!

Ten years between my two and can honestly say this has never once come up with us.

Not saying OP is lying before anyone asks.

I have never been asked, though they do not have the same dad.

Immigration have asked if they are both mine though.

I've had this a lot , there are 11 years between my 2 .

Yep!
I have six years between mine. Then dc2 was a newborn I took them both to a play centre. A man work there struck up conversation with me, chatting away and he says, so is your eldest DC yours or your partners? Obviously assuming the newborn was our only one together!
Both ours!

My first two were 18 and 19 when number 3 was born and I was asked if it was a second marriage. One person even said 'I wouldn't judge you if it was.'
More commonly people assumed he was my grandson.