MIL is a bitch.

[Jellie2408]

My MIL is a cow. Not seen DD since she was 3 weeks old, even though she turned up randomly at the hospital as I was trying to push baby out and was very pushy majority of pregnancy! Fell out with DP for no reason and now when he rings her has a go about us not going to see her. The cars broke so the only way there is a 2 hour tram and bus journey. He always makes excuses usually using BF as an excuse, to which her response is to 'extract' the milk into bottles. She's so clueless it hurts me!!!! His nan has also commented that he should try and get me to put baby on formula as it's not fair. AIBU for not wanting to take my 5mo there? I also don't believe she will make her partner go outside to smoke which is another massive reason. Oh and I hate her that's also a big reason.
They make out like I'm an over bearing parent, his nan and uncle came the other day and stated that we need to get out without the baby well for some 'us' time.
We have us time when she's in bed why do I need to leave her to have us time?
It's sending me up the wall!!!!!!!!

Can't she come to you?

Yes, but she doesn't it's all very strange!

Why do you care about any of this? You hate her so why do you care what she says?

So you hate dp's family? That might be why your mil doesn't want to visit you . Calling her a cow? Your charming

Why is he using breast feeding as an excuse not to see her? You can clearly breast feed on a train or tram. Just tell her the car is broken and the journey is too much for you both and ask her to come to you.

If you don't like her I'm not sure why you are so bothered that she doesn't come and see you. Leave her to it. When they comment on your parenting, ignore them. I never get this obsession some people have with a parent leaving a young baby. Sounds like they only want to see the baby without you there.

I'm not keen on my MIL, she never visits us, always expects DH to go to her once every few months, I leave them to it and be thankful she isnt trying to be overbearing in our lives.

You need to tell your dp to stop using breastfeeding, which really means you, as an excuse for not going. Or extended family will get that drip drip of information about you being overbearing. He can say we can't come because it will be 4 hours on public transport I feel as if it's too much with a young baby. Please feel free to visit us.

Every time I see one of my bill's he blames decisions on his wife, consequently she gets painted as bossy!

You hate her, she doesn't visit. I don't see why you're complaining. I wouldn't visit if I were her.

Your partner's using breastfeeding as an excuse not to pop down with baby, so of course they're going to suggest you put the baby on formula. This isn't a newborn it's a 5 month old.

Your partner should just be honest and say they should go there as you don't want to make the trip with the baby, and why don't they come down instead. your mil and partner's nan will find a way to pop down if they really want to.

Right, it sounds like there is a back-story here. Why did her and DP fall out? If the journey is too much with a baby for you to visit her then can you invite her over? Although to be honest I'm not quite sure why you BF stops you from visiting her.

I don't know what to think about your MIL, you haven't give us much to go on really so it's hard to criticise someone based on such sketchy info.

However I am fairly sure I don't like the sound of you at all.

Just say - " he uses BF as an excuse actually thats not the real reason" Op I dont know why people can be so utterly bonkers I really dont.

I really dislike the sly manipulative " you two need time alone" which really means - leave us alone with the baby. Dont like it.

I dont understand why some GP are so keen to get the parents out of the way.

You're a new parent, you are stressed and exhausted. Please stop calling your MIL names as that won't help. They are very opinionated but right now, it's clear you're not able to/have the strength to handle it, hence the name-calling. I was the same after DD was born. I couldn't handle comments from MIL and others because I was tired and stressed. I needed them to back off and be supportive, and they weren't when I actually really needed their support.

Please just focus on your baby and DP for now. Then, in a couple of months, work out how to respond to your MIL and stand up for yourself in a calm and collected way.

Unless there's some massive backstory I think calling her a bitch is a bit extreme.

Don't push your child's grandparent out of her life, for her sake. Invite her to come to you.

You don't like her, she doesn't like you, she doesn't visit. Sounds like a result to me!

I'd love to get the MIL's side of the story. I bet they feel the same about their DIL's.

I've been thinking about this - why you get about 10,000 MIL threads for every DIL one - and other than the demographics of Mumsnet (we're more likely on average to have MILs to complain about than DILs) I have a theory.

Give posters the benefit of the doubt for a minute and assume that the people they're complaining about really are the problem, the type of person who'll start a fight in an empty room. Imagine these people at various life stages. In their 60s, kids all grown up, husband died or takes refuge in the garden shed all day... easy to see why a DIL would be a good target. Imagine the same woman 30 years before. Would she have been making her MIL's life a misery? No, she'd have had a house full of kids and a husband to make miserable. But kids and husbands don't often post on Mumsnet. So we wouldn't know.

OP, your DH needs to grow a backbone and start laying down some boundaries with his mother. If you're not comfortable with being away from your DC and MIL's partner's smoking around the baby, you and DH need to agree what you're going to allow and what not, and then he needs to tell her how things stand. It's not on to be blaming you for everything, even though I'm sure he has the best of intentions. The way he's behaving - shifting the responsibility to you, doing all this justifying to his mother about why you can't visit (rather than won't) is really typical of a bloke who's been bullied by his mother as a child. It might be very hard for him to stand up to her. But he needs to - he's a dad now, he needs to be able to stick up for you guys.

Oh I know you do Navy.

Have you ever invited your mother in law to come to you? If she feels unwelcome and knows you dislike her, no wonder she doesn't visit. Does she expect you both to visit, or just your DP and the child? If she is asking if you can express milk so he can take the baby without you it makes a little more sense.

Hope you get the situation resolved because it sounds like no one is happy at the moment.

Sorry to disappoint you but I really like my mother in law. My mother on the other hand was abusive when I was a child. On these threads I often recognise the sort of bullying dynamic that I used to be part of, which is why I come on to comment. I don't know why you comment on so many of these threads but I notice you always come to the defence of the mother in law.

your poor dh