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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just bung money in a card for DGC's?

20 replies

MelchettsTinslyMoustache · 12/12/2016 11:09

Or more precisely, DH's DGC?
Every year I diligently ask what they would like, to be met with a shrug and a non committal comment. Without fail I then spend time and effort finding four sets of nice PJ's, hoodies etc (Gap, Joules, FatFace) and adding nice sweets etc to them.
We never get a thank you and DS (who is stepbrother) gets a £10 voucher in a card.
Now I KNOW it's not the money but it's the principal that hacks me off. DH never gets to buy his DGC a special gift and I feel that our effort is not really appreciated. That side of the family is quite large and the sheer volume of presents is slightly horrifying so it's not like the kids would be opining over the lack of our gift on Christmas morning particularly as ours are always boring stuff anyway
I just can't decide whether it's a total cop out to bung £150 in a card and be done with it or whether it is the sensible and soul soothing answer to my Christmas shopping woes?

OP posts:
HaveNoSocks · 12/12/2016 11:13

You sound very generous, I would just chuck the money in a card. If you want you could buy little token gifts too if you can be bothered.

I still remember my Grandma giving me a jar of opal fruits (or starburst or whatever they're called now) with only my favourite flavour in, still the sweetest gift I've ever got!

Goingtobeawesome · 12/12/2016 11:28

Is that £150 each?

I'd say to them they have until the weekend to let you know what they would like or else you will just be giving them a voucher/money.

They sound spoilt and ungrateful.

EssentialHummus · 12/12/2016 11:31

Honestly? If you don't get a thank you, don't send / send a card only. It's basic manners.

baconandeggies · 12/12/2016 11:33

We never get a thank you - then they would be getting nothing until they can learn not to be so ungrateful.

redexpat · 12/12/2016 11:37

Id get them an oxfam goat or similar.

YelloDraw · 12/12/2016 11:38

I'd do a tenner in a card for them

Aeroflotgirl · 12/12/2016 11:40

I would not be getting them anything, with poor manners like that! Even when I was a child, my parents either made me write a thank you letter, or phone up the giver to thank them.

Original poster
MelchettsTinslyMoustache · 12/12/2016 11:40

Good lord going, £150 between the four Xmas Grin
The oldest is only 10 so it's not actually their fault. I just wish we could be told "actually DGC1 is really into Star Wars, DGC4 has just started to get into Thomas etc but there's nothing like that Hmm
DS is very musical though so perhaps we could encourage them likewise and buy a joint drum kit

OP posts:
Original poster
MelchettsTinslyMoustache · 12/12/2016 11:45

A couple replies cross posted there...
In fairness to the DGC, they are utterly deluged with gifts (I refuse to visit on actual birthdays as the sheer volume of gifts makes me feel faintly queasy) and would therefore be heavily reliant on the adults to make notes of what was given by who. We are never there for the actual unwrapping and in fairness, we are thanked when we hand the gifts over. It just seems like such a pointless waste of time and money Xmas Hmm

OP posts:
ChBa · 12/12/2016 11:46

as a parent on the receiving end of "what do they want for christmas?" I can tell you how much it has given me a headache this year. Maybe they really dont know what the children want.
my daughter is 4 and getting a dolls house so been telling people which bits to buy for that....but my son is 8 and doesnt really want anything....he would love the money but no matter how many times i've suggested to people to just give him the money so he can buy a big £80 lego set he has his eye on....but no...they want to buy something!!!

anyway I digress.... I would save yourself time and just give the money and maybe a small token present like a book or selection box. Kids love money.

bingolittle · 12/12/2016 11:54

I only wish my kids had thoughtful grandparents like you!

Our kids are a bit younger and only ever receive cheques (which they aren't really of an age to appreciate), plus a small token gift... one grandma asks to be told exactly what to buy (and then normally asks me to buy it and pass it on to her for wrapping), and the other grandma gives them some piece of broken tat from her loft which she's trying to clear out. And the kids dutifully write thankyou cards for it. And I spend a very long time shopping for their stockings and Christmas presents, because those are basically the only presents they're actually going to get.

Horispondle · 12/12/2016 11:54

The amount of gifts I get for my DC is sickening. I'd love to say please stick money/voucher in card especially as both mine have November birthdays. If people ask me what to get them I genuinely have no idea as I'm struggling to think of ideas for me to give to them! I've had to gather up birthday presents and hide in the loft for a few months so that they aren't so overwhelmed. I do feel it's bad form to not send thank you's but it is so hard to keep on top of everything!

allowlsthinkalot · 12/12/2016 11:55

My 9 and 7 year olds were DELIGHTED to have a birthday money. They much preferred it to the presents we thoughtfully chose!! They each bought a massive £80 lego kit that kept them busy for weeks and they are still playing with the finished products.

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 12/12/2016 11:58

I think good old cash is massively underrated its my fav gift by far!!

I think its excellent idea, and much cheaper for them to then buy what they want in the sales

EsmeWeatherwax · 12/12/2016 11:59

I'd just stick the ( very generous) amount of money in a card. Mine love getting money and going shopping for their own things, it's a huge treat for them.

baconandeggies · 12/12/2016 12:03

in fairness, we are thanked

Oh - so why say you weren't? You don't need to feel guilty about giving cash / a cheque anyhow.

Goingtobeawesome · 12/12/2016 12:08

Books?

When mine were smaller I bought all the Roald Dahl, Enid Blyton, Mr men, etc books. Easy to keep a track of which have been bought and they last.

Original poster
MelchettsTinslyMoustache · 12/12/2016 12:13

Sorry bacon, I wasn't terribly clear.
When we hand the gifts over whichever DGC are present will be prompted to thank us.
It's an acknowledgment of the gift itself once opened that we don't get, which annoys me as I'm the one who spends the time choosing, buying and wrapping them. Just a "thanks for the lovely PJ's" would be fine.
I think a nice card and cash each will be better for everybody's mental health Xmas Smile

OP posts:
Cosmicglitterpug · 12/12/2016 12:15

Cash is a good idea. I've had to rack my brains to think of things for people to buy for the kids. Obviously I'm grateful, but really they have loads of stuff and cash could go in their bank account.

Bluebolt · 12/12/2016 12:15

My MIl always gives the cheque at the beginning of December for me to choose whether to give as money, buy a gift or do a family experience. TBH she would find it difficult to buy my DCs especially as they have got older.

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