To be annoyed at this woman from work

[Kittybpoppin]

NC for this one...

Background: DP and I are junior doctors. He works shifts in A&E, I am 9-5 in a hospital specialty but on-call from home. I do most evening care for our DSs aged 3 and 5. We have no family and due to work have to move a lot - have a good babysitter who is in demand as shes v good, but no real friends in new city.

I'm in a newish rotation and my boss has said I have to represent our specialty on a national committee of junior docs as I'm the only junior working there at present. That seemed fine.

However the meetings are roughly 6 weekly, 7-10pm in a different city 1.5hrs away. I say roughly as it's not always the same day of week etc. There is option for Video Conference locally. I have been emailing the chair asking about this- explaining childcare commitments etc but that either way I really need to know date/time and if possible have a specific slot to present.

She finally emailed on Friday night with an agenda- for tuesday, and no VC details! Needless to say DP is on back shift and cannot swap this late. Plus my area isn't even on the agenda. She emailed me separately saying "if you can't come in person you can call in from home but you'd need to call into the whole meeting".

Very few people on this committee - being mainly junior docs- have kids so suspect she just doesn't have a clue. But really- AIBU to be pissed off that someone expects me to be able to either get childcare or magically make 2 boisterous children be quiet for 3 hours crossing over with their bed and bathtimes, with 4 days notice??

I am under pressure to do this from my boss, who I am anxious not to disappoint. How do I reply to this chair woman without sounding like an unreasonable boot!?

YANBU. AS you say it's probably just because she isn't used to dealing with people with kids. Can you explain the situation to your boss and have him/her approach this lady so next time you get more notice?

Yanbu thats quite shit. How supportive is your boss normally?

Alors there's a local office people can video conference from or she says I can skype in from home on my own phone. It's the short notice and the assuming this will sort out childcare. A 3 hour Skype and expecting to be uninterrupted!? Also the snippiness of her emails - e.g. "can you not just get a neighbour to sit with them or something"...

I think you're being unreasonable yes. You were told the time commitment required and you agreed, so preparing to have child care arranged and then confirming once you knew is on you. Clearly you and your husband will not be able to manage it between you, so you need external help.

I'm sorry, but the organiser role is to organise the meeting, uour role is to ensure you can attend. The issue here is you have no child care arrangements in place. As such, you need to get this sorted. Be it a child minder or baby sitter in the evening, with x amount of evenings and hours per week agreed and confirmation of exact days as and when you know.

I have meetings like this on a nightly basis (the banking industry lives on night meetings ). I get a babysitter for the duration of the call if dh is not around (ours are usually 7-10 or 8-12). Babysitter's job is to put kids to bed and monitor the video alarm for the duration of the call.

Just login with Skype on your phone, put your earphones in, stick it on mute, and shove it in your bra and go about your evening. That's how I get through the neverending meeting of idiots of a club I'm part of. When I need to respond (rarely), I just take it off mute, say my part, then put it back on mute again.

YANBU. When organising meetings you need to give plenty of notice and a few days is certainly not good enough. Even if childcare wasn't an issue, you may have had to work that evening considering you are a doctor.

Bluntness100 you are totally clueless if you think it is okay to give anyone, particularly a medical professional a few days notice of a meeting.

Do your children go to nursery? Can you put out an emergency plea to the nursery nurses/local childminders today and offer £££?

I'd be cross at the snippiness too!!

YANBU - childcare takes time to arrange. This is one of the reasons why so many women drop out of the workforce. It would actually be quite easy, with a bit of organization on their part to sort this out in advance and allow parents to participate more easily.

This is voluntary right? Unpaid? I would explain to your boss that you are going to have to step down as the committee are unable to make VC workable for you, despite your willingness and suggestions of how it could work for both parties.
See if your boss steps in.
If not, don't do it.
I am a 'mature' trainee (having returned to training after being in a career grade role for many years). I have a disabled child. I work PT which raises eyebrows as it is, but I pick and chose what I can commit to and you have to be hard ass and say no if it doesn't fit with your family commitments. Those who don't get it, don't matter in my view. Decent people further up the chain who do get it, are the type of people I want to work with in the future.

Bluntness we do have care till 6pm or 7pm daily organised in advance. I only found out meeting date 3 days ago despite emailing the organiser regularly asking, as I mentioned. Usual sitter can't do it. I agreed (was co-opted, you don't say no to your consultant) on the basis that like all other committees in Healthcare the date of next meeting would be agreed at the current meeting

Sounds a bit rubbish but a lot of people at work are 'last minute larries'. I continually push people to get things organised/confirm details so I know what I am doing. A lot of people would leave it until the last minute to confirm.

Can you find a babysitter who would be happy to be on standby for these types of calls? I am sure you could find an older lady with few commitments who could help.

I tend to think you can influence situations at work but you pretty much have to work with what you're given. It helps to make me less grumpy about things!

Bluntness100 but that doesn't make any sense - how can you have childcare arranged if you don't know when the meeting is? Unless you have a babysitter on call all week (in which case they better start paying junior doctors more).

Just login with Skype on your phone, put your earphones in, stick it on mute, and shove it in your bra and go about your evening. That's how I get through the neverending meeting of idiots of a club I'm part of. When I need to respond (rarely), I just take it off mute, say my part, then put it back on mute again.

This.

We had a daily 7am conf call for one prohect...

"OK Jeff, can you give us your update"

"Jeff?"

"Sorry, sorry, was on mute [Jeff does his update]"
"Ok, Andy what about work straam F?"

"Andy?"

"Sorry, sorry, was on mute - yes poppet, daddy will be with you in a minute - sorry, um, yes, work stream F [Andy does his update]"
and repeat

Its surely not even just a matter of childcare, you don't appear to have time to prepare anything either. Part of the role of organising meetings is giving enough notice for everyone attending. Four days isn't enough notice full stop. I bet not all of those invited can attend because some of them will probably be working. So I'd basically be saying you can't make it. Put it back on the organiser who has done a terrible job.

But you'll just be listening in for the call this time, if your area isn't on there and you don't need to present?

Dial into the call and either have one earphone in, or have your phone on speaker. Obviously you stay on mute for the entire time, and will soon learn the fine art of 'half listening in to a call while doing something else'
It is what I spend half my life doing and you really don't miss that much of the call while sorting out life at home.

YelloDraw

Yes! my calls are like this too.

Chairperson "can whoever has that dog barking in their office put their phone on mute please" - dog carries on because said person is talking to the postman at the door whilst dog barks furiously.

Me? I dial in from a cordless, put it on mute and loudspeaker then crack on with loading the washing machine.

I did my last Skype meeting sitting in a whelping box being chewed on by eight 2 week old puppies. And a glass of wine.

See the mute thing that the posters above are suggesting? That's what you do.

Omg mute - had not even twigged that was an option! You are geniuses, thank you! I am going to ask to TC instead of video so they don't see small people running around behind me in the background and fingers crossed it's ok.

Have images of Skype images in people's bras! I have never used Skype!!

Good luck Kitty!!

There is an option to turn video off in Skype. We only do the voice for our meetings because the video slows everything down. We only use video when we're showing everyone something.

Completely agree with all the Skypers on mute! We do this all the time too.

Often it's as well to be on the call in case something important comes up, or in case you need to say anything, but 95% of it will be irrelevant.

I was on another team's management meeting that they kindly invited me to, an hour every week (gee thanks!) and spoke at the very last minute - but it was worth being on the whole call for that minute to be honest.