To think we have drifted apart and fallen out of love

[Princedelight]

Just that.
Ive name changed as feel a fool but been on mn for at least 8yrs.
Been with dp 20+ yrs and have 3dc.
First two years id say he was v. Attentive. Sweet kind and soft with me. Hes a generally nice bloke. Just what you see is what you get.
Im quite highly strung. Suspicious,wary. Dont suffer fools gladly. However, im funny,kind,generous,loving. Never intentionally mean.
Second bit of our relationship id describe as hard. Lots of arguing. Him putting me behind other family friends etc. Going out quite a lot without me. We had one dc then.
Then it all changed again. Even footing and basically good.
Then last two yrs id say hes changed. Very intolerant of me. Snaps at me. Things he would previously have ignored he now highlights. I feel low. If say anything he says hes fine its me going on. Please help?

How do you feel about him?

Could he be having an affair/mid life crisis?

I doubt affair. Always with us. Midlife crisis no too. Always been a bit serious.

I feel like i still love him but maybe love what we had. Love how things were. Think im grieving for how things were.
Another half of me hates him for making me feel like this. Why isnt he cherishing me? He rarely pays me compliments anymore even though i still look the same and make a huge effort with how i look.

Hes just gone to bed and not said good night.
Ive done nothing wrong. Only thing i can think of is i was slightly negative about a home DIY project. I was only honest and not criticial or mean.
I try and talk and he says im going on. If i dont talk though, i will go mad. Im crying. He says im repeating myself.

Flippin eck lovey, sounds bloody miserable.

Is it always miserable or are there good times too?

Good times too. And he can be lovely. Lately though im scared to open my mouth. Ive got to go to bed as work early. Hope for more responses tomorrow.

I'm watching for advice as I'm in exactly the same situation OP, I could have written this post myself.

I'd have a "proper" talk and be brutally honest, tell him you're feeling really low about the path your relationship is taking, be honest but fair. Ask him to be honest with you. Good luck, life is too short to be miserable.

I am in agreement with Sandy. Talk to him. You have no other option frankly. Living your life in resentment is a waste of life for both.
But please have a look in the language you use. You might see it as constructive criticism on his project, but you wording might not have been. Have a read around the net for positive language. Never accusatory and sit him down. Going to bed upset and passive aggressive is ridiculous and childish. Maybe he feels ignored too, raising 3 kids is not easy on any relationship.
Good luck

It will be near enough impossible to pin him down to talk. Hates discussions that last any longer than about five minutes. He will ge annoyed and say 'what is it now?'
I will be speaking to him at some point but i dont think thats feasible at the moment. We are never alone. Eldest is a teenager so isnt stupid.
Im not in the mood either for him to accuse me of 'going on'. So i wilk bide my time tikk hes in a good mood or he may even apologise for being snappy and then i will seize the moment.
The way i feel at the minute i could explode.
I am reallybtrying to choose my language carefully as i fully admit i can go off on one a bit at times. However,ive never been any different. Hes kind of never taken much notice before and been quite laid back. Now he virtually comes back at me at every thing i say even if im saying (what i think) is perfectly innocent.

Last night he was struggling a bit to do a minor DIY job. He aaid he would do it before xmas. He was losing his temper as bit more compicated than he thought.
I tried to be helpful and said leave it till after xmas(even though it looks a mess,but i didnt say so) and he bit my head off. Saying you have got to be kidding me?ive got this far now.
He hates doing any DIY though always volunteers then gets angry if he struggles. I dont make him do much its literally minimal stuff and only occasionally. He never finishes jobs or even starts half of them. If i remind him he flips his lid. Says im nagging.
The job ive asked him to do ive been waiting since january!!

Does he have any health issues that are pre-occupying him? One he is not telling you about?

No health issues. Fit as a fiddle. He would say. He goes gp if needs to and isnt afraid to say if theres a problem.
He just tells me hes fine and he would be ok if i didnt stop moaning or going on. I genuinely just thinks hes just had a enough of me. Maybe as ive given him a hard time over the years at times. Think now hes just really intolerant of me.
At the end of the day though he cant punish me for stuff in the past that he chose to put up with can he?well he can,but i dont have to put up with it.
Every time i have a little moan about work,being busy,the bloody weather etc he gets proper annoyed that im moaning.

Anyone else got any thoughts or suggestions? Amethyst,if your still around,whats your situation?