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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how to deal with pester power?

21 replies

malificent7 · 11/12/2016 21:53

Especially when skint near Christmas.
Am working ft in a low paid job but am hammered with child care etc.

Even if I was loaded i dont want her to be spoilt. I have got her some nice presents but i dare not take her into any kind of shop as she woll see sometjing she wants and beg and winge.

It is very wearing. At the same time i am sad that i can no longer spend my income on nice things for me. I do love her buying gifts if it is something i think she would live but i hate the begging and demands.... relentless.

What to do? Things will be fery tight in Jan. Is my only option just NEVER ever take her into shops?

OP posts:
ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 11/12/2016 22:02

How old is she? I learnt from a young age I could ask nicely for things, sometimes I got them and sometimes I didn't but if I went on about it and whined then I'd never ever see it! My oldest is 5 and I'm trying to take the same approach, as in he can't have everything he wants and if I decide to buy him a present it'll be because I want to, not because he's gone on about it. I've put stuff back on the shelf before now when I've picked it up to buy and he's still whining on about it, that tone of voice drives me mad! Yanbu but there is no quick fix it's just constant with the same message. I don't think it's bad to hear that stuff can't be afforded sometimes, money doesn't grow on trees etc. Hopefully will make them appreciate what they have (?) Having said that I try to avoid tv channels with adverts otherwise it's constant going on!

isseywithcats · 11/12/2016 22:04

No is a complete sentence repeated over and over again, much as you love her she will give up before you do, one of my grandsons worked it out that if he winged enough my daughter gave in till i pointed it out to her that he was working her like a good one, so she just started saying no you cant have it in a calm voice, no reason or justification just no you cant have it and it didnt take him long to realise his tactics were not working

SpeckledyBanana · 11/12/2016 22:07

This works beautifully with DS(8):

  • DS, here is some money. You can spend it on whatever you want.

Bless him, the penny seems to drop that he can only spend it once, and he stops nagging quite so much.

DD(3) doesn't get taken to shops often because she's too young for this tactic to work.

Original poster
malificent7 · 11/12/2016 22:30

Ok... will take this on board. Im just fed up of saying no. Just finding xmas very expensive and annouyed as i sell another sexy yet frivolous item of my clothing on ebay so i can make ends meet while dd ears into more cash!

OP posts:
Original poster
malificent7 · 11/12/2016 22:30

Eats into

OP posts:
deste · 11/12/2016 22:36

When my two kept asking for things I just told them to put it on their list. By the time Christmas came they couldn't remember what they had put on the list. Just remind them that if they ask for too much they didn't always get it. Worked every time.

DailyFail1 · 11/12/2016 22:40

I have a strict budget per child but also know them well so I don't ask, I tend to get things I know they want. If you ask you'll usually get an answer you don't like especially with teens!!

Shallishanti · 11/12/2016 22:45

what they all said
plus, just don't take her to shops
plus, DVDs only or Cbeebies, no adverts
good luck- if it's any help this was how things were when my dcs were little, they are now all in their 20s and very sensible with money, you will be teaching her well when she learns that she doesn't really need everything she wants.

stillwantrachelshair · 11/12/2016 22:48

Just say "no" until they stop asking! I don't think I have ever bought a toy or a magazine or anything for my DC because they ask for it, therefore they don't ask! They get plenty as Xmas and birthdays & odd treats throughout the year. We very rarely go down the toy aisle of a supermarket unless it is to buy a present for a friend when I will pay attention to what they're commenting on. We avoid buying a lot of rubbish this way!

Arfarfanarf · 11/12/2016 22:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Farmmummy · 11/12/2016 22:52

The more you ask the less you get. This has now sunk in with dd1 (6). Also I can't stand pestering and whinging and will set down (even my own grocery) shopping turn on my heel and walk out leaving her to scuttle after me agog so she doesn't do it now

MoreThanUs · 11/12/2016 22:56

Don't expose them to advertising in the first place. We ensure they see next to no adverts (if any) and don't get pestered at all.

YouTheCat · 11/12/2016 22:57

How old is she? Say no - the world won't end.

blackheartsgirl · 11/12/2016 23:40

I've walked straight out of a shop when my lot have pestered in the past. If they carried on we went straight home and had no treats for the week. They've learnt pretty quick

junebirthdaygirl · 12/12/2016 00:00

Could you try agreeing with her that it would be lovely to get all those things and oh it is so hard to decide and it's great to dream about them. And then just buy what you're happy with.

stiffstink · 12/12/2016 00:04

DS has a small amount of money in his wallet but we rarely take it out.

If he asks for something we say "have you got your wallet?" and his reply is usually "no but I'll bring it next time and buy (random shit car)"

He knows that he has to use his own money to buy things or he can "wish for it" for Christmas or his birthday.

noeffingidea · 12/12/2016 00:06

You have to be consistent here, and not show any emotion over it. Children can be manipulative over things once they see you are upset about something.
Tell her she will get what you can afford (or what Santa can give her), and thats an end to it. No amount of pleading or whinging will change that.
In the long run you are doing her a favour. Learning how to enjoy life without an endless stream of 'stuff' is a good lesson to learn.

PhilODox · 12/12/2016 00:08

Do you have to take her into shops?
My children rarely visit a shop, unless they need shoes tbh.

7SunshineSeven7 · 12/12/2016 00:26

I think its just something she will grow out of but you need to be strict in not giving in.

Growing up the catchphrase was ''look with your eyes, not your hands''. We weren't allowed to pick anything up and if we asked we got nothing (I mean we usually got nothing anyway but it made it sound like we might haha) . Can you give her a couple of pennies on the way out to put it one of those swirly charity bin things? IYKWIM

BlackeyedSusan · 12/12/2016 00:32

you need to giveher the look. you know the one that can strip paint at 50 paces. the one that even my autistic nursery child could recognise.

bumsexatthebingo · 12/12/2016 00:34

Just ask her to put it on her list like a pp said. You wouldn't be telling her if she was getting it or not before Christmas anyway would you?

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