AIBU to be jealous of pregnant family member?

[SparklyBaubles]

DH and I have been married almost 2 years now and definitely want children but I'm still at uni then have a probation year next year (I'm doing teaching) which means I won't have a permanent job until at least 2018, at which point we will probably start TTC.

DH's cousin and his wife announced this week they are expecting their first DC in June having got engaged about a month after us and married 6 months ago. I don't know them very well so finding it hard to be particularly happy for them, which makes sense to me, but I can't help feeling jealous! I know it's mean and I don't want to be jealous and would never outwardly show it, but I just can't help myself

Yanbu. Course you can't help it

It's just one of those things

Just don't let it consume you

Well you don't have to wait until 2018 and for those things to happen, it might be sensible too but you do have a choice!

YANBU you can't help your feelings, but are responsible enough to understand not to act out on the feelings.

One of the most useful pieces of advice I received when I was having to wait to ttc (for medical reasons) was that there isn't a finite number of babies in the world: someone else having a baby does not affect whether or not you will have a baby in any way. So YANBU to be jealous but just keep it rational.

They will feel jealous of you of in a few years when you have a gorgeous squishy newborn and are starting a toddler free maternity leave and their toddler is wreaking havoc. It is natural to feel jealous of the baby news as it involves the head, heart and all the hormones. It can't be helped.

It's hard to not be jealous and bitter, but this is their time. Yours will come and believe me it's all the better for waiting

If you start with these kind of feelings now it will only get harder. People getting or not getting pregnant has no bearing on your situation - you either feel you can start TTC now or you want to wait for all the reasons you have listed.

Don't focus on what is happening to others, keep the focus on what you want to achieve. Anything else is just wasted energy.

YANBU its a natural feeling, I always feel jealous when someone is having a baby, I feel real pangs of longing. I put on a brave smile and wish them well, its the only way to deal with it. Your time will come soon and its wise to be settled and prepared before having one if you can.

Yabu but it's natural. I have fertility problems and have been absolutely hating the pregnant women/women with kids in my family. As long as you don't let them know about it it's fine lol

How old are you? Waiting could be very wise or a bit silly.

Could be relevant to the emotional response you're having.

I wouldn't wait.

Thanks for all the replies. Feeling a little less guilty now!

SaltyBitch I'm 23 so I know I still have plenty of time but I've always wanted kids and would rather have them when I'm younger rather than older. So far my head has always won out over my heart/hormones but it's getting harder!

So 2018 you'll be 25? That's still a good age. Will let you future/kid proof your career before having kids which is never a bad thing. One thing to remember about fertility is that the statistics about 'it becomes harder with age' is based on data that's hundreds of years old. If you have no fertility problems, are healthy, then your chance of conceiving under 30 is effectively the same until you hit perimenopause, according to my gaene anyway.

Just as an aside as someone who had a (wonderful) DS earlier than planned and is now trying to plough through a PGCE with a toddler - you won't regret waiting 😅

I definitely think waiting and getting yourself established is a good idea!

You are never unreasonable to be jealous of a pregnancy. It's how you deal with it that counts.

Thanks everyone. Feeling much more reassured now, and I have got over myself a bit!