To ask DH to cut back his hours on his volunteering job

[coralpig]

We are newly weds married this summer. It's a difficult situation.
DH has been working very hard preparing for some crucial exams lately. We haven't spent a whole lot of quality time together over the last few months. Days off from revision have been spent on his volunteering job which he loves but involves very long hours. Exams over on Wednesday and I can't wait. I was looking forward to spending some quality time together at the weekend.
Just found out he's signed up for two long shifts all weekend. I've always supported him and I'm so glad he does something worthwhile with his time but to be honest I'm a bit gutted.
WIBU to ask him to cut back his hours so we can some more time together?

I think that would be reasonable - what's the point in being married if you don't see each other?

YANBU - this would upset me too.

Yanbu, can he compromise and do only one of those shifts?

Does he need to get a certain number of hours in before the end of the year?

Depends, Are his volunteering and study related? I am at Uni doing social work and not only do we have to a certain amount of volunteering but it also helps with our personal development. This week I have been on call Thursday evening, all day Friday, Sunday evening and put in a full day Wednesday all volunteering. My husband understands that it's important to me and my future prospects. If he is doing something like that I would cut him some slack

No suchafuss uni and volunteering not related and his studies/ future prospects do not depend on it. It's very worthwhile important work and he is very passionate about it but he doesn't need to do it for the reasons you mention.

Who picks up all the weekend chores whilst he's volunteering?

Chores are shared between the two of us. He is very good in that respect- I can't complain about that. I just want more quality time together

If not necessary then I understand totally why you want him to cut back a bit!

YANBU. I would specify that I want at least one day of the weekend together as a couple.

Is the whole weekend volunteering a one off thing or does it happen often?

If it's a one off thing then I don't see the problem.

I guess you knew he was passionate about his vol work when you married him?

Not unreasonable at all! In theory your new husband should be passionate about you too and make an effort to spend time with you!

This is a tough one. I would never ever want to stop someone doing what they were passionate about, and I would be gutted if my dh asked me to do less of something that I loved. I have to say that I am a bit like your dh, if there is free time I will fill it up, usually with things other than dh, so he/we have to get in there first and book it!

Can you try to fit in an evening or two together over the next few weeks that you specially put in the diary so that both of you keep them free from commitments? And perhaps arrange a day away together at a weekend in a few weeks time, maybe book and pay for something, so that you both are committed and have to keep it free? If it turns into a habit, that you make time for each other, then hopefully he will start to think about your time together before he makes big time commitments.