inlaws

[jenk1]

We have sold our house, we complete this weds.

FIL doesnt phone or visit the kids, DH always has to take them down there, even when DD has been hospitalised he doesnt phone or visit, he is all for his girlfriends grandson and regularly runs him all over 3-4 times a week.
DH gets angry over this and i can understand as i would if it were my dad.
SIL never phones/visits either.
Since we have sold our house there have been phonecalls, gifts of small things like a couple of yoghurts for DD and a bag of sweets for DS-whoppee, thats really good as they dont usually get anything.

BUT, today FIL asked DH if he could lend him some money. DH said no, i was fuming, DH has been on the sick for 5 months due to anxiety/depression over what happened last year with his uncle, FIL never backed him up and socialises with the uncle.

FIL said, but you have sold your house, you have money, im your dad.
FIL never offered us any money despite us being really really skint over the last 5 months and has flaunted new things in front of DH.
Im fuming, i dont want to lend them any money but i feel that i am being as bad as them if i tell DH not to.
DH doesnt really want to, but his dad puts on the emotional pressure, its hard because DH says he doesnt know what to say, he,s a very quiet/gentle man and doesnt like confrontation but i dont want him to be taken for a ride.
Am i being unreasonable?

How much money does he want?

And is it a loan or a gift?

I remember what went on with his uncle, & if im honest I would not want to help his dad out either. Childish, maybe...but I would hate him for socialising with the man that did those things to me.

Do what your gut instinct tells you.

In ost situations I would say a bit of cash is better then losing your family (what with Dh losing his Mum / brother over stupid things)- HOWEVER in view of the whole Unlce thing, I honestly would say no, they weren't prepared to back you up, I know how broke you have been and how much sheer grit you have needed to get through the last few years. If there is any spare cash, you, DH and your lo's more than deserve every penny of it.

It's your money too, and presumably if your dh can't work then you are the only one putting money back into the pot at the moment, and you will have to spend your house money on somewhere to live presumably.

Would it help your dh to be able to say that you won't let him?

No tell him to bolt. Back up your husband who has already said no.

Jenk, you don't work do you? iirc you look after your sn kids and get benefits?

to you fil

Sounds like they only started to act interested and friendly, when they realised you'd come into some money.

I'd tell him no, he doesn't sound like he's about to be thrown out on the streets.

tell him to go ask his brother if hes skint . As the saying goes you can choose your friends and not your relatives. tell him mumsnet say no

i dont know your previous story but cant you say you have it al earmarked for other things and dont have any spare ?

Another 'no' here. A very sad story. Your dh's family don't deserve much respect or affection, do they, let alone your hard-earned cash (which presumably you need to keep a roof over your heads)?

do you actually have money left over from the sale? did you tell him or is he just assuming? i mean, for all he knows you might have nothing left, debts to pay, an extension planned, whatever. none of his blimmin business anyway.

yes you are right peachy i dont work cos DS is out of school and im his carer, full time.
DH has gone back into work 4 hours a day and money is still tight.

Ooohhh i get soooo angry when i think of what DH has been though the last year and his dad GGRRR i cant even hear his name mention without feeling angry.

We will have some money left over, they know what we bought our house for and what it has sold for as well, so they know we have money but ill be damned if i let them get their hands on it.

I forsee a very big family argument on the horizon.

Keep the money for yourselves - you may need it in the future
Esp after the uncle business. You've said your DH doesn't want to give him the money so I would say you are right to support your DH in saying No

Just because you have spare cash doesn't mean you can afford to lend it. invest it wisely for your futures.

You should never lend money to family expecting to get it back. If you don't lend there may be a family fall out but if you do lend, expect one when they don't pay it back when you need it. It is a lose lose situation but I think lending it is the worst option for your family unit.

I don't think you are being unreasonable, but I think your fil is. You may presumably want to buy a house again at some stage, and who knows how expensive that will be?

If they have their own home it would be better for them to do an equity release if they are desperate for money. If they don't then I would only do it if there was some overpowering reason. Say they were being blackmailed by a loan shark and were scared for their lives or something.

Even then, from the sounds of the background, I might be tempted to tell them to go elsewhere.