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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Ladies night out and I wasn't invited

50 replies

splendidglenda · 11/12/2016 08:43

I know I'm being unreasonable. I just feel sooo hurt. Mum's from my sons school have posted pics all over fb of their meal out last night. I actually thought I was good friends with them. Especially a few of them. I invited a few of them and their kids over to mine last week and we had fun. Can't shake the hurt feeling. I know it's silly.

OP posts:

happygardening · 11/12/2016 09:54

Id have been delighted that I hadn't been invited as I wouldn't have had to have come up with a lie plausible reason why I couldn't have gone. There were pictures on facebook yesterday morning of my works Xmas do (wince) and although I'm atheist I thanked God and sacrificed the fatted calf last night as this year I genuinely (after some careful organisation) couldn't have gone. If only I could be so organised for DH's absolutely hideous Xmas, bring on our partners, meal.
But many aren't as miserable as I am and it's crap not to invite you even if there's a genuine reason; e.g. they're friends in a previous life or whatever so of course you feel hurt it's completely understandable.

OliviaStabler · 11/12/2016 10:12

Lots of my close friends went out for a meal earlier in the year but I wasn't invited as I was not close to the person who organised it but they all knew her quite well. Could this be similar?

Awful to feel left out

dontcallmethatyoucunt · 11/12/2016 10:12

How many out of how many people went?

10 out of 60? I wouldn't worry.

28 out of 40, would hint at exclusion.

I saw a FB post of some school mums at a party with pretty much all the girls from my DD's class there too. At first I was a bit 'oh', but then realised 1 they all live on the same street 2 I was at a friends party that night.

FB distorts life.

NavyandWhite · 11/12/2016 10:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HopefulHamster · 11/12/2016 10:17

They may have previous connections. I thought this about a group of mums in my son's class who I was on chatting terms with, but I realised the mums from their pics online are all local, all the same age. They are lifelong friends. I am just some woman who moved to my town for commuting reasons and stayed!

MollyHopps · 11/12/2016 10:21

Are you sure it wasn't for a specific group of mums?

I was recently invited on a night out by the childminder who takes my kids, with all of the mums she minds for - her treat. So she paid the deposit for us to come.

Perhaps this was a similar situation? Considering it was mums from both classes.

Original poster

splendidglenda · 11/12/2016 10:36

It was nearly half the mums from both classes, and many of which I'm friendly with. A good few I'm pretty good friends with. Lots of different nurseries. No older children that are friendly that I'm aware of. Quite a few from same nursery.

OP posts:

Liiinoo · 11/12/2016 10:36

I did something very similar last week and I am mortified. I organised a girls night out for a particular usual circle of friends. I did it on whatsapp and even asked if I had missed anyone out. Those of us who could make it went out, had a very good time and someone posted a photo on FB. Another person (who is very, very good friends with a lot of the group and has been on some of our nights out, but who I don't know very well) saw it and has texted several people saying how hurt she was to have been excluded.

I genuinely didn't mean to exclude her. She is part of a wider circle of friends (all use the same gym), but she just wasn't on my radar when I was organising. If anyone had said 'why not include X' I would have done so without hesitating but as it stands now she was forgotten/excluded and is very hurt about the whole thing.

ginswinger · 11/12/2016 10:46

I forgot to invite a good friend to my DD's birthday party, i was pretty horrified when it was pointed out to me and she was hurt. It wasn't intentional, I was just daft. It happens.

YelloDraw · 11/12/2016 10:47

Just say to one of the women you are closer to "the meal looked fun, did you have a good night out? I'd love to come to the next one, is there a whatsapp chat or email chain to join?"

Zhabr · 11/12/2016 10:52

I was normally invited to the meals out, but most of the times I did not go as I could not care less. Lot's of reception mums together is not my cup of tea. But I am glad I don't use Facebook. Take it easy, OP.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 11/12/2016 10:55

How do you know it wasn't organised by a mum you aren't friends with? If I get invited to a night out, I don't invite other people the host doesn't know/isn't friends with just because we have dc in the same class. Just playing devils advocate op.

Pengweng · 11/12/2016 11:17

I actually thought you were talking about our night out last night. A group of reception mums went out for dinner and a few drinks. It was organised by someone i didn't really know and i was added at the last minute by someone I am friendly with in the playground.
There was only 11 of us though and half the mums would be 30 so assuming it wasn't us. If it was we are sorry and i was asked last night if there was anyone else I know who would like to come to the next one in Jan. So if people were left out it def was not intentional as i got the impression that it was meant to include everyone but not everyone could come or were thought of.
I am sorry you feel hurt but just say it looked fun and you would love to go if they are planning another night out soon.

ShelaghTurner · 11/12/2016 11:22

It's very easily done. I'm class rep this year and sent out the email to arrange our night out. Only after we had gone did I realise that about four of the class weren't receiving my emails. I felt awful but in my defence they were people that never come out anyway but even so.

holidaysaregreat · 11/12/2016 11:56

Sometimes people organizing these things miss people off without realizing it. The people you had over might not have been the ones organizing. You should plan something for in the new year.
However YANBU to feel left out.

llangennith · 11/12/2016 12:06

As others have said, I'm sure it was unintentional. We have several FB|Messenger/WhatsApp groups and sometimes people are in one but not another depending on what it's about (all boys den-making in the park; girly type playdate). Then when it's a grown-up get together we tell each other to 'add anyone I've forgotten '.

daisychain01 · 11/12/2016 12:32

Fakebook

Hatebook

I feel your pain, OP, it's braggy and marginalising to people who don't get an invite. "Look at us, what a fab time we had! ". Big deal.

daisychain01 · 11/12/2016 12:33

It's still cliquey, though, they must know they have excluded people

SheldonsSpot · 11/12/2016 12:39

You had some of the mums over to yours last week - so some other mums that you didn't invite were probably feeling exactly the same last week as you are now.

It was less than half the mums, so it seems fair enough to me, you're obviously not as friendly with "the organiser" of this night, just like you excluded a lot of mums that you aren't as friendly with last week.

It stings a bit, yeah, but that's life.

MargotLovedTom · 11/12/2016 12:44

Zabhr "lots of reception mums together is not my cup of tea".

Why?! Presumably you're a mother of a Reception aged child. They're just women, same as you, unless you're some sort of superior being? I doubt they will sit and discuss reading levels and packed lunches all night.

OP - shit for you.

Original poster

splendidglenda · 11/12/2016 13:09

Sheldons, that's true, yes. I do know it's UR of me. Just feel crap and I can't shake it. Thanks all for your comments

OP posts:

Aeroflotgirl · 11/12/2016 15:20

Totally understand, I would be hurt too. Mabey distance yourself from them a bit.

CorkieD · 12/12/2016 00:46

Is it possible that this was organised by someone you don't know? The other mums may not have realised this and were not aware you weren't asked. They may have just presumed you couldn't come.

FeralBeryl · 12/12/2016 00:54

One of our DDs class mums set up a WhatsApp group in reception class, they arranged lots of bits and bobs on it, I didn't get added for a few months because I couldn't be arsed but since I have, I just assumed 'everyone' had been invited into it.
However, another mum (lovely, very sociable, always comes to kids parties, does play dates etc) was only added last week. They were trying to arrange a night out a couple of weeks ago purely through the group chat.
She often doesn't get to do pick ups so chances are no one would have thought to ask her.
This lady would have been missed out, with no malice intended.
I'm just offering another viewpoint, but yes I would still have felt hurt.

brokenglam · 31/05/2018 10:27

I feel this and the event hasn't happened yet. Lots of friends just been tagged in a nursery night event that's happening next week. Person that's tagged has tagged about 30 people asking if they want to come except me. I was having a really good morning and it's really brought me down wondering why she hasn't asked me too. Feel miserable :(

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