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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to ask how a baby sitting circle works?

31 replies

Helpme9 · 10/12/2016 23:08

Just that really. I feel a bit thick. Also is it always the mum that reciprocates the baby sitting i.e 3 nights of using a babysitter in the circle then one of you goes and babysits 3 times for whoever babysat for you?

OP posts:

Bin85 · 10/12/2016 23:14

We had tokens each worth an hour
Each family gets about 10 initially
It was before internet so had a list of people's names and their children's.
There were also some 'rules' like leave food and drink out, leave contact numbers, leave spare pyjamas and sheets easily accessible in case of sickness or accidents
It worked very well
Some people didn't want husbands babysitting but most were fine about that

elephantoverthehill · 10/12/2016 23:14

When my Mum did this back in the 70's the circle all had a number of tokens each. You gained a token by baby sitting and paid one for having a baby sitter. It all seemed sensible enough but did not take into account the hours. If someone wanted just an hours baby sitting it was the same reward for someone who baby sat for someone who went out at 7 and came back at midnight.

Pocketsizedpixie · 10/12/2016 23:16

We have tokens, so you don't necessarily have to sit for the people who sit for you. You use the tokens to "pay" the site and they then use them to "buy" sitting from any member of the circle. Our tokens are worth an hour each.

Original poster

Helpme9 · 10/12/2016 23:17

Yes there will have to be rules on hours and leaving essential items accessible. I've been asked to join one. It does seem to be the mum's running it and the mums doing the subsequent baby sitting. Just seems for mothers who need the break. The husband still gets to not have to work for the night out. Ie you both get the benefit of the night out together but the mum has to use her evening. Just hiring a babysitter probably easier but hard to find those too!

OP posts:

Original poster

Helpme9 · 10/12/2016 23:18

Mum has to use her evening to do the subsequent babysitting

OP posts:

Alorsmum · 10/12/2016 23:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Alorsmum · 10/12/2016 23:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SausageSoda · 10/12/2016 23:23

Where do you find these groups? Are they strangers or friends? Never heard of them before.

Original poster

Helpme9 · 10/12/2016 23:24

Ours is mothers at school. We are people with no close family nearby so it really appeals.

OP posts:

NapQueen · 10/12/2016 23:26

This is a brilliant idea!

Wonder if there could be 4 hour tokens. So 7-11 one token. 6-12 2 toke s etc.

BackforGood · 10/12/2016 23:39

My Mum and lots of the other families in the road had one when we were little (obv before internet / WhatsApp / e-mails etc.), and, like everyone says you have some kind of 'token' or points system and sit for each other. Usually work out that it's '2 points' after midnight or whatever. You agree that people only leave drink and biscuits (or that they do leave drink and biscuit). Dads can join in too but obviously up to each family if they want to use them - they just cut down their options if they don't.
You don't have to sit for whoever sits for you. In this day and age I'd have a whatsapp group or a FB Messenger group and then anyone can shout 'Can anyone do a late sit on x date' or 'Anyone able to do a short one for an hour or two but it will be really early' type questions and people can pick up what they want to.
Need to decide if people can get into "debt" or not.

ElBandito · 10/12/2016 23:43

There was one my family belonged to when I was little. 1 point/token before midnight and two after. Everyone started with a certain number of points and the aim was to keep at around that number so the people who use the group the most baby sat the most.
Each family maintained the book for a month (1970s pre-Excel) and then passed it on to the next so spreading that pain as well.
There were a lot of families in a small area with children within a small age range and on the whole it worked very well.

Original poster

Helpme9 · 10/12/2016 23:58

It seems a super way to make friends and really know people

OP posts:

BackforGood · 11/12/2016 00:01

Well, I'm not sure it would work for that - after all , you sit for them when they are going out of course!

catsofa · 11/12/2016 00:20

Who looks after your own children when you're sitting for others? Can it only work for 2 parent families?

BackforGood · 11/12/2016 00:24

Yes, it can really, unless you were able to either have other people's over in the day, or to get into the whole world of sleeping over - which everyone might not be able to, or willing to do.
However, once you start getting into looking after other dc in the day for the odd reason, you then might need to think about how many dc, etc., as obviously it's more work than sitting on someone's sofa while the dc are in bed.

Peapoo · 11/12/2016 00:29

Wow. I'd forgotten about my mum's in the 70s. Alternative currency before its time. There should probably be an app for that now. Safeguarding, though?

caroldecker · 11/12/2016 00:29

Also remember to have enough tokens initially, or the process can stall as people are worried about using their initial allowance.

trentin · 11/12/2016 00:38

I used to be in one. The only problem we had was that all the tokens ended up with one or two people who never went out so every now and then we had to regroup the tokens.

MrsHathaway · 11/12/2016 00:40

There are websites which organise it (I haven't used one so can't recommend any in particular).

You definitely need rates so that eg two hours when they're in bed is cheaper than six hours including doing bedtime and not leaving until after midnight.

In my parents' 1980s version I think she mainly did the return sitting but he certainly did some for families we knew well. There was also some kind of system for donating tickets to single parents and other people who were less able to reciprocate.

NapQueen · 11/12/2016 00:49

Is it better to have a minimum float? So you always need to keep yourself 3 tokens in credit and therefore need to offer babysitting before then taking more yourself?

SauvignonGrower · 11/12/2016 01:10

No one who has studied economics ever wants to join babysitting circles because of the famous journal article about when monetary policy goes wrong. Summarised here www.slate.com/articles/business/the_dismal_science/1998/08/babysitting_the_economy.html
Actually, I did join one when I lived in London and, knowing they had a tendency to collapse in activity due to hoarding, I just used up my initial allocation and did no more. it soon after collapsed. I left having got some free babysitting.

belleface · 11/12/2016 06:45

I'm in one and it's brilliant! A few of us who met through a kids-related group set it up then a few others joined and there are about 15 of us now which means there's usually someone available for babysitting.

We use the free website 'mynightoff' to keep track of tokens. I love it as it means we rarely have to pay for babysitting and when I babysit I get to sit on my arse eating the provided biscuits and not worry about my own kids

Original poster

Helpme9 · 11/12/2016 07:16

Excellent article

OP posts:

JeanGenie23 · 11/12/2016 07:21

It sounds like a great idea if the parents are all on the same page!

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