Wise mumsnetters help needed.

[missfeebs]

Could you give me your best tips on how to harden up.I'm an emotional person who cries at the drop of a hat.
I'm currently going through a tough time and I need to be strong for a certain person who needs me but I don't want to keep crying like I am doing.
If any of you have any tips for me I would be most grateful thanks you.

Wrong section sorry

Well... a spell on AIBU might help!

Yes I didn't think of that, maybe this is the best place.

Hmm pretty vague so hard to specify, can you give any further info without drip feeding for 10 pages?

A family member is ill in hospital and everytime I see her i can feel myself tearing up and my throat starts burning.
I'm thinking whether to put an elastic band on my wrist and pulling it when I feel the tears coming on .

Have you considered mindfulness meditation? Setting some time aside each day to just sit with yourself, be aware of your feelings but let them go as well... It teaches you to be present in the moment, which may be helpful for being with your friend without your own emotions intruding.

Also, you don't need to harden up. It is fine to have feelings. Just process them when you are on your own, explore them. Write them down? Allow yourself to be emotional when you decide to be, not letting it take over when you don't want it to.

I'm sorry feebs.
Finding strength for another whilst hurting and feeling upset yourself is such a hard divide.

Any optimism you can muster will be a huge help to your relative and positivity really does rub off.
Try and think positively of the things you could do together or when you see them if/when they recover and look forward to them and share your thoughts for them.

I'm so sorry you're going trough a tough time

Would it help to set aside some time to let yourself get really upset and a big snotty mess?
It helped me - I am very much the same as you and was dreading a family member's funeral recently because I had other stuff going on too and was really worried that once I started crying I wouldn't be able to stop. In the end I held it together but I think it is good to get it out in some way. I find if I can hold it together for the big stuff (the funeral) it seeps out in other ways - crying at adverts / kids tv shows etc
Wishing you all the best

Thank you all for your kind words,it's my 85 year old mother in hospital my dad died 15 years ago but for some reason I've really missed him this year so that's why I always cry when I see my dm.

When you are really struggling to hold it in, press your tongue to the roof of your mouth, don't know why but you can't cry like that. I also try to 'put on a mask' when I know I can't cry and tell myself 'half an hour then you can howl', makes me feel able to cope better if I know I can cry later

I'm not a wise MNer by any means (actually, I'm very crap) and there's some good advice here, some of it very practical (who knew about the tongue on the roof of the mouth thing???!!!! Thank you Foslady!)
But my experience is one time, as a manager, I had to reprimand someone was was doing a CRAP job, and I cried and I remember her looking at me and she was so clearly thinking "WTAF!!!" SHE was getting told off, and I was crying!

You HAVE to think about the person with the greater need. It's lovely you're sad about your DM, and I'm sure she appreciates it. But I do think the person dying has to have their needs and wants prioritised.

Try hard, and go well!