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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think paying the bills isn't really enough

15 replies

Catlady1976 · 10/12/2016 20:43

So we have 3 DC. Dh earns good money so I can work part time for treat money.
However in recent times I have been feeling that all dh really does is pay the bills.
I was working today and he wasn't. Yet I was still the one sorting breakfast and making sure Dc got dressed etc.
He paid a few bills online and went out to his hobby. I know I probably should have said something at the time but I guess we have just slipped into these roles.
Since coming home he has laid for a takeaway as I am tired. Again just throwing money at the problem leaving me to do bedtime for youngest if course.
It just seems that the only time he gets kids ready is when he wants to go somewhere.
So MN jury should I be grateful he pay the bills and suck up doing the rest or should he do more at home.

OP posts:

BikeRunSki · 10/12/2016 20:45

This is my life, except with only 2 DC.

Original poster

Catlady1976 · 10/12/2016 20:45

Paid not laid.

OP posts:

Original poster

Catlady1976 · 10/12/2016 20:47

bike I would go and get a more permanent job but I bet he wouldn't step up. I know the older kids need to do more too.

OP posts:

BikeRunSki · 10/12/2016 20:52

Sorry, my post was meant to be sympathetic rather than unhelpful. DH tries to be help around the house, but does not put any thought into it. E.g.: the DC have enough white school shirts to last a week. No point in washing them on a Thursday evening "to get ahead" as then the DC are short of shirts the following week. Or, if the DC are watching a film or something, he'll sit in the kitchen watching something different on his iPad. It would never cross his mind just to hang out with the DC and watch their film with them.

Original poster

Catlady1976 · 10/12/2016 20:54

Do we have the same dh? He takes himself upstairs to watch his telly because he can't watch it downstairs as the kids are too noisy.

OP posts:

Original poster

Catlady1976 · 10/12/2016 20:55

And no you weren't being unhelpful.

OP posts:

Whattocallbabyboy · 10/12/2016 21:05

Read wife work!

BikeRunSki · 10/12/2016 21:08

Catlady I just stepped up my hours from 22 to 30 a week (pretty much 3 days to 4, but info a little work on my day off to finish earlier if I can on Fridays; we work flexitime), I love my job, and am more than happy to go more hrs. In fact frustrated that I am no longer full time. It's about an hour's commute, but if inbred to be at a 8am mtg (not uncommon in construction) or catch a tide (yes really) and have to leave early, DH gets a right grump on. He's had a cushy deal for the last 8 years, and is now company director. I'm not sure how much he grasps that this is down to my flexi/part time hours and decent maternity package. And goodwill!

Inthenick · 10/12/2016 21:11

I pay all the bills and do most of the house and family work! How did that happen! But my DH works night and day, pretty much 24/7. So I think I have it better than him.

Gillybean76 · 10/12/2016 21:23

I find with my DH that he will rarely do what's needed off his own back, he just doesn't see it.
However if I tell him what needs doing, he will do, no problem at all. It's just short sightedness on his part, he's not deliberately shirking.
Might it be the case that he just doesn't see it?

Gillybean76 · 10/12/2016 21:24

Ok, I say rarely, he does do loads of stuff but some he is just simply flipping blind to!

arethereanyleftatall · 10/12/2016 21:29

This is my life too.

I have tried everything over the years to get round it, being nice, being cross, but he never gets it.

So, the way I get round it is this - (and I am lucky that I can do this, I hope you can too), I count Saturday and Sunday as my working half days. So, in the week, I make sure I get 2 more half days off. I only work about 10 hours per week (dc in school) to make sure that I have the same amount of free time that he gives himself at the weekend.

It's the only way I've found to manage it.

Original poster

Catlady1976 · 10/12/2016 22:53

I went the a stage of going to the gym during the day and putting youngest in the creche. This helped but having building work done at moment so this isn't possible.

OP posts:

arethereanyleftatall · 10/12/2016 23:02

I hadn't realised from your op that your dc aren't all in school. In that case, yes, he should definitely be helping. Equal amount of free time is the general rule.

frumpet · 11/12/2016 06:29

I work 30 hrs and have two children at home . Before this year I worked 2 days a week , so didn't mind doing everything as DH paid for the lions share of everything , plus worked full-time . Now I do feel resentful as I still do everything , and I mean everything , no 'man' jobs here ! DH has abdicated responsibility for everything other than paying the rent and utilities , to me, over the years and I have let him. I was a single parent when we got together though , so was used to doing everything !

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