To be annoyed at my brother for using my Dad as a charity

[user1473598635]

My brother is in his mid-30s but has a checkered history of credit card problems, gambling debts and losing his job. In short, he's a financial disaster. Every time there's an issue, he cries to Dad, who has often earned less than my brother but is soft so pays up every time. It's in the 10s of thousands now. My Dad and partner also compensate for my brother by buying takeaways, clothes, toys, Xmas presents for his two sons.

I have never asked for anything. AIBU to be annoyed at having my Dad and partner talking to me regularly about my brother's money problems whilst not facing him with the conversation? I keep telling my Dad that my brother needs professional help, to minimise his debts and that my Dad should keep his money as he will barely be on basic pension.

Next time your dad complains tell him you don't want to hear about it.

When you say 'Partner' do you mean your dad's partner or your partner? (Just for clarification).

I don't think there's anything you can do other than to keep repeating to your dad that he shouldn't leave himself short in order to bail your DB out. unfortunately they're both adults and are both aware of what they're doing.

We have a similar situation in the family, one relative is a bit of a 'Del boy' and has been bailed out by an elderly relative on a few occasions. I have never understood how a person of working age can happily take money off someone on a pension who has no capacity for replacing it.

I agree with Captain. And such a short, sharp conversation between yourself and your Dad may give him the jolt he needs.

I would say to him that he is wrong not to think of his own financial future, and say that you won't be able to help him financially in the future. Then I would try and forget about it. I speak as an adult child of a father who is condemning himself to future penury. But I have had to accept it is his money, and he can use it stupidly if he wishes too.

When I say 'partner,' it's my step mum. I feel sorry for my Dad - he's so nice, he would say yes every time. My brother doesn't say thanks most of the time. He's taken money off Grandma too. Everyone feels sorry for him but everyone has a set of choices in life and he's made his own.

Sounds like my brother and Dad! Exactly the same. I understand the worry it causes OP. Sadly I don't have a solution.