To feel pressured into spending money

[notenoughcash]

I have a good friend who for whatever reason has a lot more disposable cash than I do, particularly it would seem at the time of year. Next week we have night out arranged with a group of mums. I want to go somewhere reasonably cheap, I just don't have the spare cash. She wants to go somewhere much more expensive. She's making this really unpleasant citing other things I'm spending money on e.g. Xmas presents. I just can't do everything. We're also going to the cinema with another group a different night and she's trying to arrange a meal beforehand, again I just don't have the spare cash. I feel like I'm being mean and spoiling things. I feel like she thinks I'm just making excuses. How can I make her understand without falling out?

If she is a good friend then you shouldn't need to explain!

I would be tempted to just pick one event out of the two and go to that and enjoy it

She's making this really unpleasant citing other things I'm spending money on e.g. Xmas presents.

Your answer to this should be, "exactly! That's why I'm skint!"

I had to bow out of a pre-Christmas day out tomorrow because I'm skint. Christmas costs a FORTUNE, especially if you've got DC.

Just go along to the stuff you can afford, and if you can't, then politely (but consistently) decline. She can't make you spend money you haven't got. If she was a good person, she'd suggest cheaper places or offer to pay your share.

I would suggest that a truly good friend wouldn't be unpleasant or make you feel uncomfortable about this sort of thing. Of course you are going to prioritise Christmas presents for your family over socialising. Stand your ground and be upfront. She doesn't sound the understanding type I'm afraid.

I'm sorry but as I explained I can't afford to do this at this time of year. Please don't make me feel bad about it. If we are doing something cheaper I'd love to come along. If not then sorry but I won't be able to.

Does that cover it?

Sorry, posted too soon. Meant to say that she may be relying on you not wanting to upset her, but tough! It's your decision how you spend and budget your own money and cheeky of her to suggest that she knows your spending priorities better than you do. That would upset me tbh.

Great solution from Matilda there!

"Yes friend, I've prioritised spending money on my kids xmas gifts over having dinner out, I'm not going to appologise for that. I'm a bit upset you are trying to make me feel bad for this, I would have expected more compassion from a good friend. Why don't you come round mine for food before we go to the cinema so we can have a good catch up without the expense of meal out?"

A good friend just would not do this! Just say you can't afford it, and bow out. If she makes you feel bad, she is a very bad friend.

Its people like that that cause the issues. Having less money than other people is not the problem.
She is not a good friend, and she values money over friendship. Its understandable that she wants to go somewhere nicer once in a while, but she shouldn't make a big deal out of it if other people cant manage it..

The cinema thing is easy, say you can't spare the time for the meal so will meet at the venue. Then nobody else gets to miss out. Not every activity should be based around one persons budget, that's just as selfish as her trying to always pick.

For the meal, just be honest and say eating out is lower priority than Christmas expenses for you but that you appreciate it's different for her but hope you could agree on a mutual venue.