to ask about the Christmas bonus?

[peppatax]

Currently living apart from DP (there's another thread) but he's in line to get a considerable Christmas bonus soon. I looked after his DD so he could do this job for 4 out of 6 months before I moved out. I'm expecting his DC2. He was talking about using his Christmas bonus for various things, none of which involved me or the new baby. AIBU to think given my support for most of his bonus earning period he should at least consider using some of it on me and/or baby? WIBU to ask why he hadn't thought of that? I'm not talking half of it/cash or anything ridiculous but a nice treat or money towards baby stuff would be deserved I think.

I can't see how you can make him give you some

Just be glad you're out of the relationship

He has a financial obligation to the baby, but that doesn't have to come from his bonus. But not to you. Unless the agreement was that yiu looked after his dd and he did something with/for you out the money.

I am going to assume you didn't move out because he was an amazing partner, so you can't be that shocked.

You aren't married so not entitled to it. Yes it would nice. But, again assuming he is a bit of dick, I can't see the point in challenging him over this. It won't get you anywhere.

He has finiacial obligation once the baby is born, he's has no finiacial obligation to you at all.

Okay - point taken. I guess I need to think better of it next time he needs help!

Just re another point - if he's only financially obliged once the baby has arrived, does that mean in order to buy stuff in advance (well, what I don't still have from my DD) then I am entirely responsible for these costs? Not a problem - just need to know where I stand.

Best way to think of it and least mind fucking/stressful is to assume all responsibility for the baby including providing for it is yours. Anything you get from him is then a bonus.

Morally he should be contributing to those things. Legally I have no idea.

I agree that he should put some of the bonus aside to buy things for the baby. For you, I think is a hope too far unless he's trying to get you back (sorry, don't know the backstory).

I would ask him politely if he's thought of doing this and itemising the kit that you need to buy. He might see sense. Alternatively, is there a third party who might be able to plant the thought in his head so it's his idea all along?

Yes Matilda that's the way he works sadly, has to be his idea or it doesn't happen. It's very tiring. Hence the situation! It just puts me in a difficult position, he's fine financially but moving out has left me a bit tight in the short term. I think perhaps saying that I am getting help from family to buy things might shame him into action. Not ideal but not a lie either as I can see my parents wanting to help if they knew.