PFB about friend's dog?

[ZigAZigAhh]

We are friends with a group of couples with toddler DC around the same age. One couple is very generous and enthusiastic about arranging big catch-ups with everyone. Previous get-togethers have been hosted outdoors in parks and they have brought their pet dog with them for a run-around and play. The dog (a rescue, not sure what breed but retriever-sized) is very very energetic and has always seemed good natured (if a little too enthusiastic). Their DD seems to get on well with the dog and is used to pushing it away when she has had enough attention from it.

Two weekends ago we were invited to this couple's (v small) house for lunch along with two other couples and all the DC (four in total). The dog was inside the whole time (they have no outdoor space). The dog spent the whole time tearing around the house, running up to the DC, barking and growling at the door, at one point growling at the DC (who didn't do anything to provoke it) and on many occasions playing very aggressively with one of its toys (grabbing it by the neck/head, pouncing, shaking it very vigorously, all the while with the DC tumbling about right in front of it).

I like dogs but I was on edge all afternoon and felt I had to keep a very close watch on both dog and DCs. No one else (apart from DH) seemed at all bothered and on many occasions the dog and DCs would be in one of the bedrooms, out of sight of the adults, with dog barking and knocking into DCs at regular intervals. We ended up leaving quite early.

We have now been invited to a pre-Christmas do at their place next weekend and everyone else has RSVPed yes without hesitation. WIBU unreasonable to say we can't go unless the dog goes elsewhere for the evening (which would really mean making excuses and not going at all as I am a wuss and would never make this demand)?

I am genuinely concerned that something bad might happen with the combination of several toddlers, drinking adults and a dog who really doesn't seem happy being indoors with strange people. I won't lie, the horrible story back in the news at the moment about the seemingly completely unprovoked attack on a baby and toddler by their aunt's dog is playing on my mind a bit too.

On the other hand, maybe I am being completely PFB about the whole thing. We don't have a dog at home so maybe its behaviour is completely normal!

Any/all opinions welcome...

As both a dog and toddler owner I don't think YANBU but unless you want to loose the friendship is just say you're busy but you'll see them in the NY and then avoid get togethers at their house.

Thanks Dartmoor, I think that's what we will do. We don't want to cause any issues with the friendship and obviously they can do what they like within their own home. Part of me feels as though I'm being ridiculous but I really did feel uncomfortable when we were there.

You would be extremely rude to say that! If you don't want to go then just say no thanks, but don't place demands in them in their own home.

Certainly its up to you to say if your are going or not but I would not make the demand because you are making a number of negative assumptions about their dog and their ability to control it safely.

My dogs are different at different times of the day. They do have more energy at lunch time because they have recovered from the morning walk. They get a small walk at lunch and are knackered after their evening walk. Is this a lunch thing again or something a little later when the dog has had another walk. You might find it a little less bouncy if its later?

Maybe there is nowhere for the dog to go? You just can't dump him somewhere because you have visitors.

If you are so concerned then I would politely decline saying you have other plans - after all most have plans at this time of year so don't think she will think it's anything untoward.

Just wanted to add the case where that baby was attacked is extremely rare. There are thousands of dog owners - how many cases like this do you hear of ? And also we don't get to know all the facts just those reported in news so please don't let this issue affect your DC's relationship with animals.

No yanbu. Would say as pp said tho, you already have plans. My bils gf mived in with him and she had a dog that was huge. It was soft as shite, but made me uncomfortable. Followed me round. Come up to me if I was sat down etc. It made me so uncomfortable and I worried it could turn. I would go as far as to say I hated being around it. I stopped going their house with our dd.

I don't think it is safe to leave young children alone with a strange dog. The toddlers were alone in a room with the dog bouncing around? I wouldn't do it. Either go and supervise or make your excuses. Yanbu

I own two dogs and have 3 kids. YANBU I don't trust my dogs because they are dogs, lovely, friendly very well trained dogs but still dogs. It's not rare, thousands of people (mainly kids) are bitten/ attacked by dogs every year. These dogs are mainly family pets not dogs trained to fight. It's not fair on the dog or the kids to put them in s position where the dog is excited and in close contact with children, it's a recipe for disaster.

Yanbu, I wouldn't go.
Feeling on edge is not a nice way to spend time off with your family and friends.
Just say you have something on, simple, non offensive answer.
They will be offended if you start mentioning the dog, guaranteed.

Navy that's interesting - it may well just be playing, but as a non dog-owner it's quite hard to gauge!

Thanks v much for your input all, we have decided to politely decline but have made plans to go for a nice long walk/pub lunch (with dog!) just after Christmas. I'm sure that once I get more used to the dog in an indoors environment I will feel more comfortable about being indoors with it and DC. Completely agree that it's up to them what they do in their own home (I would hate someone making demands on me before coming to visit!)

I have a large dog and a toddler. My dog is old now so although mooches about to say hello look for food, he generally sleeps on the sofa.
But when I have small guests I tend to put him in the bedroom. Not because he's a danger or a nusance as he most certainly isn't but because I don't want my guests to feel uncomfortable. He's taller than my 3yr old when he's in all fours.

I would be pissed off if I went to other people's houses and their dog was being a nusance and they ignored it.

I wouldn't mention the dog.

I would decline invite and say something a,on the lines of have a great time, sorry we can't make it this time or I'd go but without DC.

I'd say it'd be rude to suggest the dog goes elsewhere. It is a member of their family and they might not have anywhere to take it to anyway. From what you describe the dog sounds like a daft so and so who's just playing. But you'll find the kids will love that in time, there are many hours spent in this house with several seven year olds chasing a mad one year old Labrador who's as silly as they are! Then it'll be a positive.

One of my dogs sounds like gollum when she's playing. Could easily be mistaken for growling, but it isn't.

Also, shaking things vigorously is how dogs play with their toys...

FWIW, I wouldn't put my dogs away for guests. I have a strong dog-hating family, and they know that when they come over, the dogs have the usual free rein that they always have. My dogs are adults now, so happy to sloth around and sleep 23 hours a day (but do have bouts of loud playing!), but when they were younger, I took it as an opportunity to socialise them with other people and to reinforce their good behaviour. Unfortunate if these friends are not doing that, but they shouldn't realistically be expected to put their dog away. The dog isn't going to understand why it's being separated, and it's not likely to help its behaviour.

If your DC wasn't bothered by the dog bowling about, I wouldn't think anything of it.

But there's no problem with you declining. I wouldn't mention the dog. Just say that you've got plans for that day/evening, and then arrange to meet at the park etc. Or have them around to your place.

YANBU to decline should you wish, but YWBVU to issue them an ultimatum about their dog in their own home.

TBH what you have described sounds like perfectly normal play behaviour, but that being said, a dog should never ever be left unsupervised with small DCs, particularly ones it doesn't know.

I wouldn't go and if they ask why I would just be honest and say the dog/children make you uncomfortable. I don't see what's wrong with that. And who in the right mind leaves 4 toddlers in a room alone with a dog?

I think that is silly tbh. As an owner you know the difference between playful growl and warning growl. Both mine growl when playing and the elder is so soft you can't even play tug of war with her because she just lets you take it. The younger would do that with his teddies though but he would protect a child to the death having been raised with them.

They sleep with my kids when they are ill, guard the buggy outside the shop if I can't get it in the door, have even been known to run over and snuggle random crying children in the street if I'm not quick enough to call them back.

I wouldn't put my two away for guests or stop them playing, its their home too. I know they can be trusted so tbh it wouldn't ever occur to me that there was a problem.