Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Grandparents & childcare

14 replies

Wheelerdeeler · 09/12/2016 21:01

On several threads on mn if there is the mere mention of grandparents doing some childcare inevitably garners responses of "free childcare" and other indications that parents are holding their parents responsible for childcare.

In our case we were more than willing to pay for childcare 5 days a week.

Pil asked us could they have ds 1 day - they love him dearly and knew as soon as mat leave was over they would not see as much of him. Obviously working full time our weekends together are precious. So we agreed and this has been going on for 8 years.

The advantage is we save a days paid childcare but pil and ds are the real ones benefitting. There is a fantastic relationship between them. If we are off work etc they really miss that time with him. If I so much as offered a Euro they would freak out. I used to drop in meal vouchers every few months but mil really didn't want them. She sees it as precious time with ds (and now she does the same for dh niece).

So aibu to ask that you don't jump on the bandwagon slagging off parents who have "free childcare" and realise that sometimes it is at the grandparents request!

OP posts:
Mishegoss · 09/12/2016 21:04

Confused okay..

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 09/12/2016 21:07

Hmm right....

Heirhelp · 09/12/2016 21:11

I have seen lots of threads about grandparents doing childcare but not one saying if you are doing it to save money then suck it up. They often say it is a grandparent right to spoil a child and you can't micromanage a grandparent or make demands in the same way you can if you pay for childcare.

FizzBombBathTime · 09/12/2016 21:11

but pil and ds are the real ones benefitting.

Lol 1/10 op

Christmascheerful · 09/12/2016 21:19

Why the fuck do you care what a bunch of strangers on the Internet think...if it works for you good

thedogsvagina · 09/12/2016 21:24

I have the same deal with my parents, as do my brother and his kids. My mum retired early so that she could look after my nephews. she adores the time with them.

and yes, they all have a great relationship. I do appreciate that I'm very lucky. I hope to do the same for my daughter. Lets just hope she doesn't leave it too late to have kids!

Camomila · 09/12/2016 21:27

I think when it gets tricky is where the parents could afford childcare but the grandparent would get offended if they couldn't look after the DGC, or if one set of grandparents listens to the parents rules on screens/sweets/whatever and the other set doesn't.

I haven't gone back to work yet but when I do DS will be with DM twice a week and MIL once a week. I would have preferred DM twice a week and nursery one day (because they have a lovely garden and we live in a flat) but it would have been too rude to MIL especially as the one day my DM can't do is MIL's day off work!

Sparrowlegs248 · 09/12/2016 21:40

Dm and Mil look after ds on my work days, three days a week. Mil retired in order to spend time with him, as soon as she knew I was pregnant. I didn't ask her too. My mum said she would have ds 5 days a week if need be, obviously I wasn't going to suggest that! They do 3 days a fortnight each and no I don't pay them. They wouldn't accept it. I do nice things for them as often as I can and hope I express my gratitude.

I also don't get the hump over Mil giving ds a chocolate mini roll for example. Or them spoon feeding him yogurt when I was doing blw with him.

They love having him, and he loves going. He has a different experience with each of them.

Heirhelp · 09/12/2016 21:42

Why the fuck do you care what a bunch of strangers on the Internet think...if it works for you good

I don't really care what people on the internet think about this but you must do, otherwise you would not have started the thread.

Qwertie · 09/12/2016 21:44

I know where you're coming from op. My PILs also asked if they could look after our dcs 1 day a week & I also have noticed the felling on here that you must be eternally grateful and never question anything they say or do.

Underthemoonlight · 09/12/2016 21:45

Appreciate it I wish we were so lucky to have available childcare don't understand your need to post about it though

CPtart · 09/12/2016 21:48

You ain't half beholden to them though as they get older and more frail, but if it works for you, crack on. You sound like you're trying to convince yourself!

HaveNoSocks · 09/12/2016 22:11

What? I don't think anyone slags off people with free childcare. If your Pil enjoy looking after your DC then it sounds like a great deal for everyone. I've seen threads where people complain and try to micromanage how time is spent at the grandparents house and people have pointed out that the grandparents are doing you a favour by providing childcare.

HateMrTumble · 09/12/2016 22:38

Why are your childcare arrangements anyone else's business? If I had parents I trusted to leave my child with I would, but I prefer a good private nursery where he actually gets education not a day of sweets and tv.. but I don't particularly care where anyone else sends their gremlins for the day..

New posts on this thread. Refresh page