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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a lot of posts on here suggest couples and hose who are married don't share some.of the event basic things...

29 replies

Yummyyummybuscuits · 09/12/2016 18:09

So many posts on here about one partner finishing an item or using an item that belongs to the other and how they are really angry... but I really don't get it....Hmm if you live together and may even be married why can't you just accept that you share the bread for example. And shock horror it will run out... if I find dh finished the bread I wouldn't send him a passive aggressive text about how he ruined my day.... I would just eat something else and buy more bread Hmm same for other objects in the house. Why is everything theirs or mine....

OP posts:
Boundaries · 09/12/2016 18:09

TAAT

Original poster
Yummyyummybuscuits · 09/12/2016 18:11

Well there are so many of them.... what gives?

OP posts:
OohhThatsMe · 09/12/2016 18:14

Well, if you bothered to read the other thread, OP, then what the woman was saying was that her husband ate all the food, no matter how much she bought. He didn't leave any of it for her - not a drop of milk or a slice of bread. She had a six month old baby and all she wanted was some of the family food to be left for her. He wouldn't do it - he'd eat everything and not care that she'd have to go shopping before she could have breakfast.

What is fair about that situation?

HateMrTumble · 09/12/2016 18:14

Because nobody touches my stuff. Ever.

DesolateWaist · 09/12/2016 18:16

Well I don't think the bread is a 'theirs or mine' situation is it?
If DH finished something like the bread, milk or teabags without telling me or getting more I'd be pissed off as there wouldn't be any there when I wanted them.
It's a common decency thing, not a relationship thing.

Original poster
Yummyyummybuscuits · 09/12/2016 18:17

. I do understand that. But I wasn't meaning just that thread. I mean in general lots of threads about own money and who pays for what etc. And this item is mine. And that item Is yours. I was actually using bread as an example and forgot about that particular thread. It was a recent thread that made me think about it. The cigarettes.

OP posts:
Original poster
Yummyyummybuscuits · 09/12/2016 18:18

I get that. Too desolate. But if for example dh was going to work and finished the coffee I wouldn't be angry about it. Should he not have his coffee because there is only a bit left. Surely it's going to run out in the end...

OP posts:
OldSaintKnickerless · 09/12/2016 18:18

I haven't seen the other thread but agree with desolate - I'd be really pissed off if there was no bread in the morning when I could have picked some up the day before if I'd have known.

Oblomov16 · 09/12/2016 18:20

That thread was just symptomatic of the lifestyles some people lead. Some have joint accounts, some separate, some women have to ask for money for specific things.

We only have a joint account. Dh would never finish anything, without mentioning it, so more could be got by either of us the next day.
But it takes all sorts!!

Original poster
Yummyyummybuscuits · 09/12/2016 18:23

Yeah I get it. Just made me wander...I hear a lot of my friends referring to lots of items like his TV because he bought it. Or my computer or my chocolate. Anything from sweets to household items. And I'm a bit like Hmm we don't have joint accounts. But we work for his company. I work from.home as have the kids. And I just use his card and he doesn't think anything of it. Or he will use mine... and doesn't bother me. Might as well just have a joint account actually. But I'm just rambling. Just baffled me that's all.

OP posts:
Original poster
Yummyyummybuscuits · 09/12/2016 18:32

Obviously just me then. Just asked dh and he agreed that if I ate the last slice of bread for example and didnt say anything he wouldn't think anything of it..
Maybe we are weird? Just interesting.

OP posts:
PrettySophisticated · 09/12/2016 18:35

I haven't seen the other thread. What gives me the rage isn't the bread/coffee being finished (dh just as entitled to the last slice/ cup as I am) it's that the last jar was opened without it going on the shopping list.

Unless in dire financial straights, there's no reason to ever run out of anything non perishable. Open the last one, put it on the list, by the time it's finished there will be another in the cupboard/freezer

RebelRogue · 09/12/2016 18:36

An example... I NEED Rennies daily. Sometimes even two of them at night,as i get horrible acidic heartburn,i'm in pain,i can't sleep etc so they are MINE ,even if oh buys them lol. He can have some if he needs it(rarely) but he would never have the last one,and if he did i would be seriously angry.
The same with fags if i woke up and had none in the morning because of him, i wouldn't be happy. I enjoy my morning fag and i don't want to have to get up,get dressed straight away ,get dd ready and walk to the shops before i'm even awake properly,and that's if the shops are even open. Now that i work,it would be even worse,as i need to get myself ready,get dd ready,drop her to breakfast club and hurry into work without passing any shops on my way. I have no time to make a detour. So yeah,i'd be angry and i'd think he was seriously inconsiderate.

RebelRogue · 09/12/2016 18:37

P.s. I also do the weekly food shop and meal planning,if he finished something and didn't tell me I would't know to order it,and end up with trying to make a meal with ingredients missing.

Original poster
Yummyyummybuscuits · 09/12/2016 18:40

Yeah I do understand. Just made me think Hmm maybe I should start saying things to dh.... but then I do the weekly shop too. But we don't have a list. I would lose it Blush and I check the cupboard and then do it online.

Does this mean I should start picking up on these things with dh... lol

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Original poster
Yummyyummybuscuits · 09/12/2016 18:40

Oh if it's medication I think that is different. Then yeah the other person should be considerate.

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YourOtherLeft · 09/12/2016 18:41

Another one of these threads? Did we not have one on how MN posters are too quick to say "let him do his own laundry", then loads of MNetters came on to say that this advice is only given when OPs are saying their partners do ZERO housework?

Original poster
Yummyyummybuscuits · 09/12/2016 18:43

Oh God my dh really doesn't do any housework! Am I a complete door mat?

OP posts:
Oblomov16 · 09/12/2016 18:43

We rarely run out of anything. We have a spare of most things. Theres a washing up liquid under the sink so when the one on top starts to run out you replace it with the one under the sink and put it on the list and I'll probably buy two!!
As soon as I notice it - bread or milk is low I'll put on the shopping list and I'll get it that day or the next.

we never really run out of anything.

Original poster
Yummyyummybuscuits · 09/12/2016 18:44

Oh God my dh really doesn't do any housework! Am I a complete door mat?

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Original poster
Yummyyummybuscuits · 09/12/2016 18:46

Not sure why that double posted

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museumum · 09/12/2016 18:46

We would each extent thd other to mention when we're getting low on bread or milk. And when I was at home with ds as a baby I'd expect dh to leave me the last of the milk and get himself a coffee on the way to work.

We have individual laptops, iPads, phones... but the tv is a house item.

littlesallyracket · 09/12/2016 18:47

... if I find dh finished the bread I wouldn't send him a passive aggressive text about how he ruined my day...

The very fact that you've started this thread in this way suggests you are in no position to complain about other people being passive-aggressive.

corythatwas · 09/12/2016 18:47

Well, since your post is about couples sharing- wouldn't it seem normal that they also share the work, that they have an equal amount of leisure time, that they share responsibility for the family?

Original poster
Yummyyummybuscuits · 09/12/2016 18:48

Yes Cory that is a good point. He helps with the kids. But I'm home so I just do the housework... didn't think bout it like that

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