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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

This is not an AIBU but a IKIABU

21 replies

myfavouritecolourispurple · 09/12/2016 15:16

ie I know I am being unreasonable. HOWEVER, I did not act on my unreasonableness. Just felt annoyed.

Yesterday I went out for a self-funded Christmas lunch with work. The team is large and the restaurant was very busy with other large parties too. So it took time to get everyone served.

It wasn't so bad with the first course, I had soup, but everyone got their starters quite quickly so didn't have to hang around for too long and have cold soup.

But then my turkey dinner was served. And then we waited. And waited. And Waited. For about 3 other people (out of about 30) to get their main course.

And of course everyone else's dinners are going cold.

I was really fed up that it is deemed polite to hang around and eat a meal that has gone cold that you do not enjoy, rather than getting started and enjoying a hot meal. Wouldn't it actually be polite for someone waiting to say "oh please start, don't let your dinner go cold". And if someone does (which they eventually did) for everyone not to be so flippin polite and STILL not start their dinners. Maybe I am the only one who likes hot food.

Pudding was fine, they all came more or less together and I don't mind if pudding goes a bit lukewarm anyway.

OP posts:

Groovee · 09/12/2016 15:18

I always say, just start. I hate waiting on large tables being served.

AmeliaJack · 09/12/2016 15:21

So you are basically annoyed that you felt peer pressured into not eating?

Next time when the person without says "just start" dive in and you'll find everyone else will follow suit.

Personally my expectations of large group Christmas dinners are always very very low. The food is always dreadful.

BorpBorpBorp · 09/12/2016 15:29

I thought it was 'proper' to wait if the food is cold, but not if the food is hot.

YelloDraw · 09/12/2016 15:32

Wouldn't it actually be polite for someone waiting to say "oh please start, don't let your dinner go cold".

Or you just say "oooh this is taking a long time! I'm going to start on mine as it is getting cold."

wasonthelist · 09/12/2016 15:35

YANBU but the temperature doesn't spoil food for me - some people (not saying this is you OP) seem to have a massive obsession with having their food unbearably hot when served (even if they can't eat it).

RhiWrites · 09/12/2016 15:35

Well, OP, since you asked. I do think a lot of people on mumsnet place a high value on food being hot or "piping hot" which I don't. I don't like it cold and concealed but food stays warm for some time so what you describe wouldn't bother me much.

TheNaze73 · 09/12/2016 15:43

Borp is right with the dining etiquette.

Waiting to eat hot food? That's madness

Tootsiepops · 09/12/2016 15:45

You don't wait.

Although everyone does.

Did you complain to the restaurant?

MarjorieSimpson · 09/12/2016 15:49

I would wait and expect people to wait for a short while.
When it's clear that one person is holding everyone back and meals are getting cold, then yes you start
forget that I have been told to start and refused on the grounds of being polite

TheMortificadosDragon · 09/12/2016 15:53

Some food is OK tepid, but a roast really isn't. Ideally the unserved people should encourage others to start, but otherwise someone should have the nous to ask if they mind you starting.

Diemme · 09/12/2016 15:54

YA totally NBU. Enjoying hot food trumps social etiquette!

AnUtterIdiot · 09/12/2016 15:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

melj1213 · 09/12/2016 15:56

I've always gone by an etiquette rule of always wait for everyone to be served if it is cold and if it's hot food, if you are in a small group/home setting, you should wait to eat until everyone is served unless the host says otherwise. If there are more people, or in a restaurant then at the very least you wait until the people around you at the table have been served before starting.

However, why didn't anyone say anything rather than just waiting OP? If I'm the one without food, I have always said "Oh, please don't wait for me, eat your food while it's hot" but if I'm the one with food and no-one who is waiting has said anything, I've always just asked politely "Do you mind if we begin before our food cools down too much?" and I don't think I've ever had a dinner companion say no.

TheCompanyOfCats · 09/12/2016 15:57

This thread is making me hungry.

But YANBU

treaclesoda · 09/12/2016 15:57

I'm sure I've heard before that in the world of fancy etiquette the right thing to do is to eat when you're served, not when the last person is served.

I like food to be properly hot when I get it so that I can take my time eating it. I was at a work dinner yesterday and ended up shovelling it in because it was only barely warm by the time I got it.

5000candlesinthewind · 09/12/2016 16:01

Maybe I'm rude but after a few minutes I would suggest we start, and then start tucking in before anyone can object
I like hot food though and wouldn't mind if I was the one waiting.

paxillin · 09/12/2016 16:10

I do say just start if I am the one without food. If I am the one with food, I'd never start, even if people say do start. The reason for this is not, as you assume, that you are the only one who like hot food. I do, too. But it is rude to eat before everyone has their meal in front of them.

NotYoda · 09/12/2016 16:13

I would say "Mind if I start?". No-one really does mind. It will be a relief to the others.

The others should have looked around and urged you to start. I always do.

Serialweightwatcher · 09/12/2016 16:33

I've always waited for other people to be served - hot or cold - but I've noticed lately that lots of people just start without a thought, so I think in future you should just start and probably please everyone else who is trying to wait patiently so they can start too

Jiggl · 09/12/2016 16:38

I've always thought the etiquette is to wait until everyone has their meal if its a cold course, but eat right away if its a hot course.

jamdonut · 09/12/2016 17:00

I think with a big group, like a work do, then you start when you get it. It's unreasonable to have to wait for 40 + others to be served . I think it's a throwback to when people used to say grace before eating. I don't see that it matters if you start more or less right away.

If you're on a date, or a small group, it doesn't hurt to wait a few moments till everyone's got theirs.

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