Nursery ear defenders

[UnserrenderedTroublesAndStrife]

Dd has high functioning autism. Quiet little girl and can present very well, but overloaded can really loose control. Just meeting her you may be surprised at the diagnosis, but those spending time with her would see the anxiety, rigid routines, social difficulties with peers and see her good language skills are not functional in communicating her needs at all (even the most basic like thirst she'd just cry).

She is quite attached to some ear defenders, as much the squeeze as helping to cope with noise overload. She only wears for 15 min or so calm downs.

She's 4 and has just started nursery, first day fineish but the next HUGE meltdown. Hanging off my hair, lying on floor and kicking out at anyone who tried to console her. I offered ear defenders twice explaining they quickly calmed her. I was told after that she calmed after 15min or so when they "realised it was best not to fuss over her" and she played with puzzles. So she didn't interact but isolated, when if she's happy she does. After she said she was "shy" about crying, and she's now hysterical if I say the word nursery at all.

Aibu it's really not that big a deal to let a child start a session with ear defenders even if it's not the norm? She was so excited about nursery, she separates from me just fine. Her siblings did well at this nursery, but I'm thinking it may not be for her...

Op you sound like a lovely mum

Our DD is a fellow sufferer although now 14 and she's had a variety of ear defenders over the years

Nursery are wrong and legally have to make adjustments for her disability

perhaps this is the point in time where you need to think about requesting an EHCP to protect your daughter?

You can also get advice from ipsea, I really like the idea of getting nursery to include them in dressing up for the others which will help them normalise the sight of her ear defenders

Going forward if these are likely to be her school peers too then acceptance early on makes it a non issue in my experience with peers as they go through education

Just as nurseries teach about acceptance and understanding of faiths they need to do the same for disabilities

Apologies for my response earlier. I was just trying to see it from the other side, but I am ignorant about this topic so shouldn't have posted.
Sorry OP

You need a new nursery. Preferably one with experience in managing autistic children. If I were you I'd be kicking up a fuss, demanding a refund as they clearly discriminate against your child's disability by not allowing her to use medical equipment.

Pidlan, thank you bothering to say that! It helps a lot to know someone who is unaware can so easily accept when it's explained to them x

Pidlan It takes courage to come back and apologise publicly. Thank you.

So as not to drop feed... (though I rather have). We happen to home Ed her siblings (since eyfs years) and planned to her but without eyfs... I only sent her as she was so set on going. Now she's not going I feel I have no incentive to fight it, I don't want to be too rash to just remove her but she's now so distressed at the idea I feel like just stopping it.

The social comm team are very supportive of our home ed, they'd robably be surprised we tried it at all. She has a lot of other successful social opportunities

Thank you pidlan seeing your first comment I was going to respond, but seeing your apology. Unless you live with Autism, either yourself or a loved one, it is hard to get it! Ear defenders are used to reduce the noise, as some Children with ASD have sensory processing disorder, which sounds like what op little girl has. Fir them it makes things that bit more nearable.for dd it meant she can take part in Groups where it is noisy, like parties or Brownies. It means she does not have that extra sensory overload, and reduces her meltdowns (reactions to increased demands or sensory overload).

For dd her Sensory processing disorder means sounds are amplified a lot, and are uncomfortable for her, this can make her anxious and distressed. So headphones reduces that. Somewhere like a noisy preschool environment can be very overwhelming and distressing. You put your foot down regarding the headphones.

Unserrendered

Unless people have experience of a world with these conditions they will find it hard to understand

DD is educated from home because her hyperaccusis and severe Misophonia along with ASD sensory processing issues make it the only environment she can learn in

You clearly know what you're doing, in your position I would remove and home ed before any real harm is done to her

Pidlan that took nerves. Good for you.

OP, your child's nursery are letting her down and sound like they have limited understanding of both autism and reasonable adjustments. It might sound drastic but I'd consider moving her or keeping her at home.

YANBU. As a misophonia sufferer I would change jobs/go stark raving mad (whatever came first) if I wasn't allowed to wear my noise cancelling headphones or earplugs.

Am tensing up just imagining the stress your poor little girl must feel being deprived of her ear defenders. She shouldn't have to go one more day without them. With sensory issues, people don't understand that you can't 'just get over it' or that increased exposure to the offending noises doesn't make you immune to them, it makes it worse.

It's become a non issue- I've been ynable to get her to go. She's that hysterical and willing to fight I couldn't manage to dress her let alone bus it. I don't think the level of restraint it would require is the right thing to do....I'm hardly a soft parent but you can see it's such a level of distress I've kept her home.