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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be slightly annoyed by this?

21 replies

Lelliot · 09/12/2016 08:05

I'll start off by saying this isn't something I'm going to cause arguments over. In fact I doubt I'll even say a word. I'll also preface it with this is not a MIL bashing thread. I generally get on very well with her.

So, MIL has 5 GC. 2 are mine. She is very very vocal (for some reason) over how she treats them all equally. I feel this is important. 4 GC have their birthdays between May-July. Including my DS. MIL has always had a set amount that she spends on each GC for their birthday. The other four had that amount spent on them earlier in the year.

DD has a December birthday so a few weeks ago MIL asked what to get DD. I asked her to get a few bits that equalled the amount she spends on birthdays.

Her birthday was yesterday and MIL only gives her one of the presents. I asked her later on what happened to the others as I knew she'd bought them and she said that she thought she'd keep them back for Christmas instead. I said that that would mean DD would end up getting loads from her at Christmas what with the other presents MIL was planning on buying her and MIL said no, she wasn't buying the other stuff now it just made more sense to split the birthday presents.

AIBU to think that just because DD's birthday is in December that shouldn't mean she effectively gets less than her brother and cousins? I know it's the thought that counts, I know DD is lucky to get what she has but I'm feeling really quite annoyed that she is missing out in a way because of the date of her birthday.

OP posts:

mum2Bomg · 09/12/2016 08:12

Do you think that's the reason why? She might just be a bit skint?

Ellenrobillard · 09/12/2016 08:13

That is so mean! Tell her you are changing your D.C.'s birthday to a summer one, as some mean people are ripping her off!

Original poster

Lelliot · 09/12/2016 08:14

Definitely not skint. I'd understand if that was the reason.

OP posts:

TheHiphopopotamus · 09/12/2016 08:15

I agree with you OP, I have a dc with a December birthday.

Unfortunately, I don't think there's a lot you can do though. You can't demand she spends the same amount on each dc, as shit as it is.

But if it were me, I'd split her next birthday present and give her the rest at xmas

Bringmewineandcake · 09/12/2016 08:24

I think it's mean too - lots of December birthdays in our family so I get it's expensive.
Maybe next year ask her for 1 larger item for birthday so it can't be split?

MouseLove · 09/12/2016 08:28

My birthday is November 30th and sooo many relatives used to send joint birthday and Xmas pressies. My mum must have put her foot down and said something because it all stopped and I would get a birthday present with birthday wrapping paper and then a separate Xmas present. I think she must have said "Her birthday is not Christmas, treat it as a separate event please"

kittybiscuits · 09/12/2016 08:30

'So you decided to split the birthday presents between Xmas and birthday so you didn't have to spend any money on DD for Xmas? Are you buying Xmas for the other DGC?'

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 09/12/2016 08:31

How mean, do what Thehip said & split her presents. Or get your DH to point out that what she's doing is spiteful & completely unfair.

kittybiscuits · 09/12/2016 08:37

*Xmas presents

PensionOutOfReach · 09/12/2016 08:47

Yep that's crap and actually I would tell her about treating all the GC equally.
Ok maybe not directly but I would make a point of saying how important it is for your dd to have a proper birthday like everyone else and how hard it is to have your birthday in December as it always seems to be forgotten and mix in with Christmas.

It's not a money issue in my mind. Its the fact that her birthday should be celebrated just like anyther birthday
I do feel for the couple of people I know who have their birthday in Christmas Day

TinyTear · 09/12/2016 08:52

My sister's birthday is only a couple of days before Christmas and we always made and make a point of two presents and using birthday wrap rather than christmas.

she is being massively unfair!

Crumbs1 · 09/12/2016 08:54

There should be no expectation of presents. Anything given should be accepted with good grace. It is not for you to question giver but for them to decide what to give,
You have no idea why. It might be money problems she is hiding, it might be she thinks your kids are spoilt and expect too much, it might be she dislikes your daughter (probably not) but a hornets nest to open.
Leave well alone and get child to write a thank you letter.

Original poster

Lelliot · 09/12/2016 08:56

I'm glad I'm not being completely unreasonable!

It's not really a money issue to me either. This is the first year MIL has asked specifically what to get DD as she couldn't think of anything so she might do this every year and I've never noticed because I never know what she's getting her. Obviously this year I knew exactly what was meant to be for birthday and Christmas.

It's even more annoying because I asked her to get specific things from DD's list which she won't be getting now unless I get them myself.

OP posts:

Original poster

Lelliot · 09/12/2016 08:57

Crumbs, I already said I know she's lucky to get what she does. But I do think it's unfair to treat GC differently.

OP posts:

PensionOutOfReach · 09/12/2016 08:57

But Crumbs its the gran herself who is going on about being fair to all her GC and making a point of spending the same mount of money on each of them.
SHE has set the expectation, not the OP, and by her own expectation, is showing that she doesn't inddd treat all her GC equally.
I'm assuming that all the other GC will receive something at Christmas from her.

How is that fair that she has one rule, that the gran set up herself, for 4 of her GC but another for the last one?

galaxygirl45 · 09/12/2016 09:15

All 3 of my DDs have birthdays in the month around Christmas and I can't tell you how annoyed it used to make me when they got 1 big present - not that it wasn't generous but they then went one of the days without getting anything from said relative! DH and I always make sure that we get the better gift for their birthdays and make more fuss about that than Christmas.

Bluntness100 · 09/12/2016 09:19

I agree this isn't fair, one kid shouldn't get less because their birthday is close to Xmas. I'm assuming from your post she's not done this before, so do you have an inkling of why she's done it this time? I get it's not financial. So there must be another reason?

If you want to stop it happening again, then I guess the answer is one big gift to that value.

Original poster

Lelliot · 09/12/2016 09:24

I've no idea why this year. Although like I said, it's the first year she's asked specifically what to get her. So it may be that she never spends an equal amount on her each year but I've never looked up the prices of her presents before so it didn't even occur to me. It's only this year I knew what she should have been getting that I've realised.

My mum doesn't have a "set amount" that I know of. She generally makes sure they have the same amount to open but I couldn't tell you how much she spends. And that's fine by me. It's only because MIL makes such a big deal out of this magic amount of money that I'm a bit

OP posts:

HaveNoSocks · 09/12/2016 09:26

YANBU. I have cousins that all have christmas birthdays - literally all four of them within 4 days of christmas. Our family all made sure they got the full quota of birthday and christmas presents. If anything we made a bigger deal of their birthdays because it was so easy for them to get swept up in christmas.

myfriendnoel · 09/12/2016 11:10

My DD's birthday is Boxing Day. We make a huge fuss about the birthday being separate from Christmas every year for her-as do all our family.
She does get a bit forgotten about by some people in the Christmas rush-and it is a bit of a bummer for her.
I think the granny here is being very unfair-if it's not a finance issue then it seems obvious she should spend equally on all he GC for both Christmas and birthday really.

WouldHave · 09/12/2016 11:13

Next time she starts banging on about how she treats them all equally, ask her how that worked with DD.

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