To be worrying about this?

[purpleflower23]

I don't have any DC, been TTC for 3 years and have had 4 miscarriages in that time. My best friend has been amazingly supportive each time, however something has happened with her that's bothering me & because my emotions are all over the place (last MC was only 10 days ago) I can't tell if I AIBU or not... she is getting another dog and is planning on naming it a name which I've had in my head for a long time as a baby name (even though I've never got past 12 weeks in any pregnancy, it's hard not to think of these things when you're so desperate for a child..) Anyway, when she told me the name I straight away said 'oh, that was one of my baby names', she said 'oh no' and looked kind of embarassed but the conversation moved on and we've not mentioned it since. The truth is I've only ever had 2 names in my head and I've not stopped thinking about it since and don't know whether to say anything to her about how using the name would upset me (they're getting the dog this weekend) or should I just leave it and either forget about the name or use it anyway if I ever do have a baby?

Advice please.. and please be gentle, I'm kinda fragile..

Did you ever mention the name/s prior to her saying she was planning on using it?

No, just a coincidence!

I'm sorry, that does sound a bit painful. But I think you have mentioned it now, and she will either not use it or use it. If she does use it you will just have to deal with it and work to get over it. I am not being unsympathetic, but I think you understand perfectly well that other people's decisions are theirs to make and you can't change them or (if possible) take them to heart as they have their lives to live too.

And then, when you have a baby you can choose to use the name or not. I have friends who liked a certain name so much that they named their cat with it- and then they had a child and also named their son with it!!

I can totally understand why it would upset you. Hopefully she won't use it.

If she does, I just wanted to reassure you that these things happen. My MIL had a dog with a girl's name and then my BIL (her son) had a DD and called her the same name! We all just carried on and no one was bothered. If she does use it, I think you still should too. Good luck, I hope you get your chance.

Thank you Squeegle and notmaryberry - I think you're both right, hopefully she won't use it and if she does, I'm just going to have to try and deal with it... it's just hard to keep my feelings in check at the moment...

You could ask if they'd settled on a name for the dog so that you're prepared for it if she does? Hopefully she won't xxx

I'm sorry but I think that YABU.

If you had mentioned this name to your friend before I could possibly understand but how was she supposed to know? I wouldn't change the name of my pet just in case a friend wanted to use the name for one of their children.

Use the same name, nobody will think its strange. Or you could have a child of the opposite sex and it will all be irrelevant anyway.

My DP and the downstairs neighbour have the same name and its not a common name either to the odds were very low.

I can see how the friend referring to a dog by its name can remind you of the child you are so desperately trying to have. Maybe ask them not to mention it too much to you? At least until you are successful in TTC and give birth to a healthy baby.

At least you've said it now so it's out in the open. I can understand her still using the name as she's planned it. And of course you can still use the name too. It would be more awkward if you both had a child with the same name but with a puppy not awkward at all.
Hope you're recovering from your MC and get to enjoy some puppy cuddles.