Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU. School expect us to turn up for evening performance

15 replies

Domino20 · 08/12/2016 21:52

So, my son is 8 in January. Every single Christmas season since he was just under 1 year old we have visited Santa's Grotto at Harrods. We always go with a friend of mine from University and her son who is a couple of years older than my boy. The event is incredibly popular and has to be booked from August. Any later and there are simply no slots available.
This year, 10 days ago, my grandmother died. Her funeral will be in Wales and is on same day as Santa visit. We cannot, of course, make the visit on that day. My friend has gone to some effort contacting Harrods and trying to persuad them to change visit date. At first they were somewhat immovable but via Twitter there has been some positive indications that they may change the date for us.
Here begins my problem, a little under two weeks ago my son's school 'instructed' us that children are expected to attend and participate in an evening rendition of their Christmas show. I chatted with a school Mum today and indicated that in the above circumstances, if the Grotto are able to give us a slot on the evening of the performance I would take my son and he would have to miss the evening show. (He's in the singing group, no individual part). She was clearly horrified that I would be prepared to do this and that I should, 'think of the parents who deserve to see the show, some parents can only go in the evening' etc. (I have my own business, so while I work a 60 hour week it can be a bit flexible).
AIBU? It's really playing on my mind as she obviously felt very strongly about it. If the situation was reversed I would never expect another 7/8 year old to miss out on an event that had been planned for so long. There has never been an obligatory evening performance before, I had no idea and tbh, at this time of year two weeks notice is really very short. So, AIBU to take him out of the evening performance if the Grotto can fit us in that night?
Thanks for reading so far.....

OP posts:
krustykittens · 08/12/2016 21:57

First of all, my condolences for your loss. No, you are not being unreasonable, you have had a tragedy and you are trying your best to make sure your young children still have a good christmas. You don't have to think of the other parents, I doubt that they would notice your son missing from a singing group! this woman is being more than a bit hysterical, "OMG, won't someone think of the parents!" Go, if you can get the slot and have a good time. I'm al for being part of a community, but there is nothing wrong with putting yourself and your family first from time to time."

ElizaSchuyler · 08/12/2016 21:57

If you have a prior commitment then it is entirely reasonable to tell school you can't make the performance.

When dd was in year 5 we told school she would miss her compulsory evening performance due to the fact she was rehearsing for a professional Panto. However we made sure school had as much notice as possible & that dd did not put herself forward for any kind of solo/part.

AllPowerfulLizardPerson · 08/12/2016 22:02

On the general idea of 'never trouble trouble, til trouble troubles you' dint even think about it now.

Only if there is a problem do you need to tackle this.

I hope you've already spoken to the school generally about the bereavement Flowers as I have found that if they know there is something going on at home they know to pay extra attention to signs of stress at school.

4sausages · 08/12/2016 22:03

YANBU. Your DS doesn't have an individual part so him not being there is unlikely to have much of an impact on the performance. Some things are just more important than out-of-hours school!

Sorry to hear about your Grandmother. Flowers

Cosmicglitterpug · 08/12/2016 22:04

YANBU. None of that woman's business. Enjoy your trip.

LivininaBox · 08/12/2016 22:07

Well it's nice they have an evening performance for parents, but I'm sure they will understand if you can't go. Don't stress.

PlanIsNoPlan · 08/12/2016 22:09

Recently, after thanking ds's teacher for calling me during her holiday her response was thanks and now I could put my feet back up -- it was Half Term, very irrelevant to most of us that work outside of education. Ds is year10, aged 15 - I very much look forward to the end of Yr 12, and these little, but cumulative assumptions made by teachers about 'parents' and how they spend their time.

Domino20 · 08/12/2016 22:19

Thank you all, it's really playing on my mind. Probably because I'm feeling a little vulnerable due to Nan's passing. I just wouldn't dream of expecting someone elses child to give up an event (or similar) so that, as a parent, my own enjoyment of the show would be somehow more complete or fulfilling. I didn't even know that there would be obligatory out of school hours activity?! He's my only child so no previous experience. At this time of year it could have been any number of things that I wouldn't make him miss for school show. He has grading exams in sporting activities, music clubs etc. Two weeks notice is very short!

OP posts:
NoMudNoLotus · 08/12/2016 22:20

OP they can't insist.

There are years where I have not sent my son/daughter to the evening show because quite simply they were exhausted - there were just too many expectations on them.

Do not worry yourself any further ... Do what is best for your family.

harderandharder2breathe · 08/12/2016 22:26

Yanbu

There's a big difference between children having prior commitments that can't be changed and parents who just can't be arsed

BravoPanda · 08/12/2016 22:26

Why does everyone pander to schools like this? They are not compulsory at all.

NoMudNoLotus · 08/12/2016 22:30

Exactly bravo.

After regular school hours no one is telling me or my family what we do with our time in the evening.

Domino20 · 08/12/2016 22:41

Bravo/Nomud, you are both absolutely right.

OP posts:
JennyPocket · 08/12/2016 22:49

He's 7, nothing bad will happen if he doesn't take part in one joint singing school concert. The other mother should mind her own business, that's just her opinion, a different mother might have said "Brilliant, have a great time". Do what's right for you and your DS not her.

Sorry for your loss Flowers

Domino20 · 09/12/2016 22:18

Now I'm upset that Harrods absolutely refuse to budge on giving us a different visit day/time. The Twitter reply was a cunning ruse to appear helpful and diplomatic in the public sphere. We've been every year and without exception the queue is practically non existent by 7:30, they could easily fit the 4 of us on another evening. Boo. (Now I sound like I don't care that my Nan had died, which is not true at all, really wanted my son to have something to look forward to).

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page