WIBU to buy this present anyway?

[TheHandmaidsTale]

Basically, mum and brother don't speak due to mum not making an effort with brother and nephew. Brother got fed up of this and mum and brother's gf/brother had many cross words over it and don't speak now.

For Christmas, I asked brother in November whether I could buy a certain item I knew nephew would like. All agreed I'd be buying that and brother even said MIL couldn't get it as I was. Our mum has now bought the present that I was buying for nephew. She hasn't checked with anyone what anyone was getting him and does this every year.

When she showed me it, I told her I was getting it and she didn't really respond. Just said I could get the bits to go with it instead. Then angrily said brother wouldn't accept gift anyway.

When I asked what else I could get nephew, brother said nothing as nephew has everything and I should get the present as that's what we agreed on. He said he won't be accepting gifts from mum or sister (who also hasn't been to see them for the best part of a year) this year anyway so it doesn't matter.

I don't know what to do. Yet again I'm in the middle of something I don't want to be. I want to get the present as I obviously came up with it and asked a while ago but fear mum's reaction. She tends to take these things very personally and will see this as me siding with brother. Coupled with the fact that she hasn't been bothering with me either for the last two months (all contact initiated by me).

I want to get the present anyway and just be done with it but not sure how she will react (IF she finds out, considering she doesn't go to their house/speak to them and has no way of getting their presents to them without doing this). Thinking of just saying I got him a toy and money... then they bought him it.

WIBU to just buy the present I promised I'd get anyway?

I'd just get it and not discuss your brother's family with your mum.

Just get it

Don't punish your nephew

Just buy the gift as your brother has said you should.

Ignore the fact that the rest of your family are behaving like a bunch of children.

Why on earth would you now buy the present knowing he's already going to get another one. That's mad.

Take out all the squabbling and be adult, why does your nephew need two of the same toy. Just buy the accessories surely?

Didn't realise calling dibs on a present was a thing? If you were so set on getting it you would have bought it by now.

He won't be getting it from his nan misscarrot

The brother won't accept the gifts

So if the OP doesn't buy it, he won't get it

I was waiting to be paid to get it but she pipped me to the post... surely it is good manners to ask the parent if they have the toy already? Especially if there's lots of family all wanting to buy!

This is my dilemma. If I don't buy it he just won't get it at all. I'm not even sure how my mum expects to give them the gift...

The brother sounds as bad as the mother, he won't actually refuse her gifts surely?

So he wants her to contact them more but will refuse a present for the GC? Do people in real life actually do that?

Of course he is reasonable to not accept the gift - he's gone nc with op's mum. She's just not listening clearly, and she has said she knows he won't accept it. I would either give money for the specific gift or buy it and say that you gave your brother money either way.

He and gf are adamant they won't be accepting gifts as they don't see the point if she doesn't bother to come see them (in their words). It has been going on for a while and I've done my best to stay neutral throughout. Brother has spoken to her several times and it never got any better... if anything worse.

I've not actually seen it like that but yeah I guess they are NC now with my mum... It caused them a lot of arguments between brother and gf and they decided to just not try with mum anymore so they don't speak now. Haven't since early in the year.

Buy it for the nephew with cash and provide a gift receipt? If they double up they can return one. Don't tell your mum.

I think I would get him a voucher for a toy shop but next year, don't discuss presents with her

Would brother and mother agree to it being a joint gift from you and mother, including the extra attachments?

I'd buy him the toy. I'd be a bit miffed if I'd discussed DS's present with my brother, agreed what the present was going to be, and then he didn't bother and got something else. It might be that your brother would have got it for him if you weren't going to. Your nephew won't be receiving the one from your mum anyway.

And yes to PP about not discussing your brother's family with your mum. They have chosen to go no contact so you should respect that. Going NC is not always childish dramatics, sometimes it can be a difficult and painful decision.

I don't discuss their family with mum really. She tends to bring it up to bitch about them whilst I sit there awkwardly like what do you want me to say here?
Mum brought up the Christmas presents by bringing the present she'd bought him into the room and showing it.

So the concensus is to just buy it and not tell my mum?

Buy the gift. If your nephew/brother gets a second identical gift it is up to them to return it to the giver or to the shop (if they accept the gift from the giver).

Not your issue. Not your problem.

Stop sharing so much information with your Mum. Just say to her that you're not talking to her about Brother/Nephew and just don't. You're quite entitled to maintain a relationship with both but you don't have to share information with both. Be economical with the information. Keep things light.

Stay out of this and but what you agreed to buy. Tell your DB that you are doing this, as you are assuming they will not accept the gift from your DM. But don't be too harsh with her about this - can't be easy to be disallowed from buying your grandchild a Christmas present.

Just stop talking about them to your mum... if she brings it up just say I'm not talking about them I'm here to see you...change the subject and repeat....I now have to do that with my mum as her relationship with db seems to have disappeared....I'm not 100% sure why but as I have no relationship with him either its easier to just say I don't know...she is more oh woe is me than bitching though

buy the toy....give it to your dn and be happy he's getting what he wants...

what your db says/does with your mum is not really to do with you.....although I wouldn't be surprised if she asks you to deliver it...
in which case just repeat 'I'm not getting involved' she needs to sort it with DB...

meant to say lots of [tea] as its hard...

Get it and give the reciept. If ny some miracle the resolve their differences they can exchange. ..and nephew is happy

Thinking of just saying I got him a toy and money... then they bought him it.

I would tell your mum you bought a toy but don't lie and say they bought with money you gave them.

Your mum may tell them what you did to cause a rift between you and DB.

I won't be delivering her presents as she asked me to give him a toy car and i foolishly agreed. Brother declined it and asked me not to put myself in the middle again so I won't be. She doesn't know toy was declined though as she never asked about it.
I will just say i bought him a toy then and get him the original. Brother said just to buy it and he won't say anything about it if she ever asks (if they ever talk again!). He'll just say they got one from elsewhere.

Ok so asking friends and they've said the same as you guys so it seems i should just buy it. Any tips on dealing with fall out if mum finds out? What should i say? I always find myself lost for words.
Im going to speak to brother tomorrow and see if he has told her he isnt accepting presents... and to see what hes gonna say to her...