To ask, how do you 'make' time for yourself?

[Xocaraic]

In essence, how do you do it if you work FT (have DH who also works and often away). I have 'city' job, lower down ladder since children but still high pressure environment. No option to remove myself from workforce as we do need my income and I can currently work from home a day or two a week.
With children, schools, homework, shopping,meals, packed lunches, blasted last minute 'bake for homework' shenanigans and that type of stuff, extra curricular stuff for kids, elderly parents on both sides and general running if a household...how do you guys make time for yourselves?
I must be doing everything wrong as I never get more than 30 mins at the end of my day to unwind, and that is in bed with a book!
I would love some easily to implement suggestions. TIA.

Rein in the menu for meals - pizza, pasta, shep pie, chicken wraps, low key roast on Sunday (no roasties 😱)

School dinners?

Online shopping to come same time same day every week

Cleaner

Either DH or babysitter does one evening a week. Non negotiable. Do whatever you want. I have been known to go to a bar and have 2 drinks, read my book alone and come home for 8.30.

Clear allocation of responsibility. Allocate bills 50/50 between you. Automate as many bills as possible. Automate savings for irregular but common costs. DH does the dentist for kids. He takes them when he goes himself. DO NOT get involved in something that is their responsibility. Forget it exists unless you are asked nicely for assistance or ideas

Book next haircut when you leave the hairdresser. Book babysitter or put event in DH diary that day.

From Jan, my DH will be having all theee kids for one full day every 2 months. We have 3 under 4 so it's not surprising that we have divided and conquered until now but he needs to get on with it and manage them on his own. Once every couple of months is not too much to ask I think

FreeButton. What an enlightened idea. I do it at work why have I never 'delegated' stuff like dentist to DH? This is being implemented...stat

It's what happens with young dc , in the blink of an eye you will have lots of time to yourself . In meantime make use of any voluntary babysitters lol .

By neglecting other things. That's the only way.

For example, the house can be tidy and clean, admin up to date and a delicious meal on the table but I will look a mess and be pretty snappy. And probably pong a bit! Or I can look and feel decent but the bed will be unmade and dinner decidedly scratchy. At the moment I have no way of doing all of it at the same time.

both parents working full time and dc in school must be one of the hardest of all the family scenarios.

So, you accept that it is, and cut corners where possible.

Weekends? A few hours for each of you individually every weekend?

I don't have children. Partly because IDP and I work full time, have a commute, no family anywhere near, and already not enough time to do everything that needs to be done / want to do. I can see exactly how having a child would eat up every spare minute of every weekend and evening, and I don't think I could cope with having no time for myself.

Sorry that probably isn't helpful. What about online food shopping and getting the children to make their own packed lunches? Get your DH to do more? Get a cleaner? If you already have one, up their hours and get them to do more stuff. Lower your standards re: housework.

The homework thing must be a massive pain. I can't believe how much homework young kids seem to get on weeknights these days, which requires parent supervision and coaxing. I often wonder if the benefit to the child outweighs the cost in terms of the stresses of getting it done during precious slithers of evening family time.

I manage by working from home as needed. City office jobs should allow this.

Thank you all. It is good to see I am not totally alone in this regard. Many of us have similar struggles.

When I wasn't a SAHM I had no time worked full time too. We used to use weekends. Now I'm a SAHM I have less time to myself I feel. But I will in advance say to DH I'm going to the cinema/pub with friends (booked well in advance) and he'll try to be home for about 645 so can put kids to bed. I pick Thurs or Sun nights too. These seem best. DH then gets kids to bed and often has a mate round hires a film off Sky (that I wouldn't watch) so we manage to fit it in. Exercise I struggle with. DH will go during day if he can but both of us need to exercise more

Apparently you can just take random "sick" days to catch up on your household chores. If you combine that with not bothering about doing any work on your work from home days you should be fine. If your employer thinks you're taking the piss you can just say that 'Mumsnet says it's fine'... I'm sure it would be good at a tribunal.
But as I'm assuming that you're one of those people that actually thinks that work hours are for work, then I'd go with FreeButton's ideas, maybe bulk cook meals & freeze? Could the kids help with some little jobs (age-dependent obviously - they might cost you more time!) - making their packed lunches while you're making dinner? On the bake for homework ones - are they bake specific things or bake something? Because bake something ones you could bake a mega batch of cookies, freeze them & then you can just grab some the night before they're needed! Saved me loads of hassle. And give yourself a set time to stop at night - if you've got a deadline to meet you'll either get stuff done quicker or will decide it doesn't actually need doing.

It is difficult but ime some of the strain can be taken off just by keeping an eye on relative areas of responsibility: are you actually partners in this family venture, or are you the boss more or less ably assisted by a junior assistant? Does he have an equal share of responsibility, is he having to spend an equal time at work remembering family issues, and (most importantly) are you both getting an equal amount of time off for relaxation? It makes sense, as an earlier poster suggested, to delegate not just into actual jobs but into areas of responsibility: it isn't ime the jobs themselves that are so exhausting: it's being the person that has to remember them all and take responsibility.

Wow Katy7- patronising much? I have a 3 hour daily commute. If I work from home I wake up same time as I usually do when I'm travelling (3 am) get kids ready for school, cook meals, prepare meals, do all the cleaning, and am logged in and ready to start my working day at 7:30am. I then apart from short breaks to grab a sandwich, pick up/collect kids, will be working until 11pm. Flexible working means you manage work with your other commitments. Not prioritize one over the other.

I make my DH step up.

At the weekend I go for a run and he looks after them. I get him to do reading with the children

He does breakfast every morning.

I do way more than he does but I work four days a week so my day at home is my trade off.

You have to get your DH to step up.

A really good one to delegate would be the cleaning up of the kitchen and packed lunches. My dad always did that and DH will as soon as mine are old enough for lunches! Then you could pre-book something one night a week - I find if it's booked and paid in advance I'm more likely to make it happen. Yoga is my sacresanct 'me time' and I sneak in the ocassional weekend workshop (say 2/3 hrs lesson) - again pre-booked and paid so I don't back out.

That and a cleaner and very low standards

If your DH uses working away as an excuse not to do stuff, then he's very wrong. I travel a lot for work, and I (and the other mums I know who travel) make very full use of the Amazon/Ebay/Ocado/Moonpig apps to get stuff done while away. I wrote christmas cards on a train in Japan last week, and booked ds's school lunches online from a hotel room.

Also, if its all too much then cut back on extra curricular stuff for the kids, depending on what the elderly parents need suggest a carer/online shopping etc (and chatting to oldies is another perfect job for the travelling parent), do school lunches not packed. And meal plan - no excuses on 'not knowing what to cook', simplifies shopping, and reduces the 'what the hell am I doing for tea' stress.

I book time in for myself with DH. Usually a weekend away every few months with a girlfriend, I also travel without him and DD a couple of times a year too.

DH also takes Dd out on a Saturday morning, it's their little ritual. They go for breakfast or a walk and spend the morning together..I absolutely love it!

We also agree one night a week each where the other goes out and one stays in.

If we don't plan in all of the above my sanity really suffers.

I'm not being patronising, I'm being sarcastic towards those on here who presumably think that if it's okay to pull a sickie at whim then they'll not need to work on working from home days. I'm not for a second suggesting that the OP (or you) aren't working on those days - I don't doubt for a second that the OP is working hard because if she wasn't then she wouldn't be looking for ideas on how to make time for herself would she?
If you'd bothered to read my post you'd have seen the bit where I said But as I'm assuming that you're one of those people that actually thinks that work hours are for work, .....

All, thank you. Some good take away points here.
I've already booked a nail appointment tomorrow lunchtime. Baby steps

I have a DH who says things like, "tell me what to do and I'll do it" but who tells me? I don't have a hotline to the universe. Common sense tells you what needs to be done surely?
Anyhow, I'm going to be less 'in charge' and more of a delegator.
It's only fair if we both work FT.
Thanks to everyone who took the time to reply you really helped me get perspective.