To be worried about dd1 being the only non white in her class

[Rory786]

We moved from multicultural London to a very rural village. DD1 (4yrs) will be in a village school, and one of 8 pupils in her class. We went to visit and we got a lot of stares.
AIBU to be worried for her?
She will have two younger sisters joining eventually (but they are 20 months and 7 months now)

It is not ok to use racist insults in an argument: the harm is not the same as swearing.
I've often been sworn at, both as child & adult, but nothing has caused anywhere near the pain & humiliation of being racially bullied.

I appreciate that a wealthy person of colour might be totally unaffected by racial insuts from a poor white wc person.
However, if victim and perpetrator are otherwise of similar standing and especially when the victim is a child and hasn't developed coping strategies, then racism causes lasting hurt.

It is even worse when the racists are in a group and the victim is alone, with noone coming to help.
Facing a hostile class and playground every day at school was horrible.

Nowadays victims can complain and the perpetrators will be stopped. So hooray for PC.

be polite and considerate of others. That's not PC, that's basic good manners

I would think Your DC will be OK. My DD had the opposite issue (though it was actually a non issue) being the only white girl in her class. It was fine. Nobody made a big thing if it.

But being polite and considerate is pretty much the definition of politically correct. Bigoted people are very rarely either considerate or polite. People who get things wrong from time to time listen to those who are hurt by their language and moderate it.

Nooka, a mixed race child in the UK could no longer stand in the centre of a circle of white children singing "Brown Girl in the Ring."

It would be politically incorrect.

Yet from Kelly Holmes' testimony, we know that the children were not bigots. On the contrary, they were celebrating diversity.

So an individual exhibiting 'non-PC' behaviour/speech is not necessarily a bigot. Conversely, a person who causes no offence to anyone could be a raging bigot. Somebody up-thread pointed out that the middle classes might be racist but they're so polite you'd never know.

Basic good manners dictate that we do not cause deliberate offence to others but 'speaking PC' is a different kettle of fish. Some individuals may not have had the advantage of an education that taught 'PC speak.' To presume that these people are bigots is wrong; to ignore their 'non-PC' views would be foolhardy.

Yup, just because you speak PC doesn't mean you look at the world PC. Vast experience of that one (PIL and their friends).

lovelyskin, I agree that people are probably prejudiced towards Eastern Europeans especially when they hear their accents or see their surnames etc. I totally agree that children may have picked up on the antagonism towards Eastern Europeans in the last couple of years too. But unfortunately according to the same documentary, the same migrant Eastern Europeans often harbour prejudice towards black and Asian people that they have met here. They admitted to not wanting to live near to or share houses with black people on the programme, and then one couple who couldn't afford to live elsewhere and ended up house sharing with a young married African couple admitted that the couple were "actually" clean! But they did feel embarrassed admitting to friends that they house shared with the African couple. I personally hope that with the migration across Europe, prejudiced people will be challenged in their thought processes.

I am in a similar position to you , OP.
Moved my children, 7 and 3, to a village school as had heard good reports and that the smaller class sizes made an enormous difference.

They did, the school is lovely and class sizes a positive influence on education.

However, this has been negated by the isolation both felt about being the only non-white children in school. Subtle and overt racism from other parents ( school was lovely when we did complain about few things and nipped them in the bud)

Regret my decision to have moved them in the first place. Previous school was bigger , white majority but more children to mix with and find your tribe, so to speak.

Positive ending: elder one hit into grammar school in London, loves it there. States the diversity makes everyone feel accepted and valued. I m now torn between looking into a bigger school for the younger one or leaving her where she is, hoping she will move into same school for secondary.

My suggestion to you: we don't know what is out there until we experience it. Go for it, have a back up in case the school doesn't work out. At 4, they are resilient and will cope with changing schools if need be.

Hope this helps.

Got* into grammar

YANBU, sadly. This has been researched, and children do notice and care about differences such as gender, skin colour, disability, and physical differences such as obesity.

www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/019339738690016X

Are there any families you know from playground who will have kids in her school year? Could you arrange a meet-up or playdate maybe? Are there any clubs for children in the village she could go to, so she'll know some kids when she starts?

As other posters have said, this may turn out to be no problem at all. But I do think it's worth doing everything you can to make it as easy as possible for her.

And I really hope it works out! There's a lot to be said for a country childhood, as you're obviously already discovering.

I wouldn't be worried. You might find this works the other way. I desperately wanted to be friends with the only black girl in my nursery class as a child because I thought she was amazing... and when a Chinese girl who could use chopsticks joined in year 1 she was the most popular girl for ages... this was years ago but still the same applies. Kids are fascinated by different generally and if they stare at first it's just out of curiosity and interest.

Not quite sure why you think that the 'Brown Girl in the Ring' playground story is so important. Kelly Holmes might have enjoyed it, but another child really might not have, and I don't know how you can so confidently state that the children singing were celebrating diversity. They may or may not also have been bigoted, and it could be that they exotisized her which can also be a very othering experience.

Sure people can hide their inner thoughts beneath a polite exterior, are you saying it was better when it was more acceptable to hang it all out?

the 'Brown Girl in the Ring' playground story is so important

It's Dame Kelly Holmes' experience of growing up in the UK as a mixed race child.

it could be that they exotisized her

The children were honest.

That "Brown Girl in the Ring" is now one of the UK's best role models!

In our village school (200 kid) there are only 2 families that aren't white, one of the families is Indian and are close friends of ours and apart from noticing different colour skin they've never encountered any nastiness.
I did catch her then 3 year old telling my then 3 year old that he was a different colour because he spent too much time in the sun! DS was a little confused as he thought he would go the same colour on holiday!

As others have said - you got loads of stares because she's a new kid out of 8!!! :)
Everyone is different, one kid may be the only one with parents who have separated, one may be poorer, one may be richer, one may have SN etc etc race is more obvious (altho not always!! I don't think it's that obvious that my kids are mixed race and completely non-british heritage) but it's not the only difference out there :)

I remember when my brothers and I, started our local primary school, after moving from a multicultural school back in the mid 80s. We also moved to very rural location in Wales and were probably the first non white family in the village and surrounding villages ever 😂! We had stares etc but were excepted in to the village no problem! We did face some racism etc and my children have faced mild racism even now! But they have good friends around them and I have taught them not to let it faze them as it's very few and far between! Your dd will be fine teach her to just rise above anything in the future and am sure her friends will stick by her.

I think at that age there really isn't a problem. We live in a very homogenous area, mostly white in our village, no Asians, a couple of mixed race families. When DS1 started Reception, in a class of fifteen, there was one black girl from a neighbouring town.
He was telling me about a girl from school and I didn't yet know all the names, so I asked him to describe her. He said, "Oh, you know her, she's the girl with the glasses." Her skin colour hadn't even registered with him as being 'different'!
I recently read a school book with this DS which touched on racism, so I asked him if he knew why X character in the book had been treated badly, and he didn't, so I briefly explained (this book was set around the Second World War). He was appalled and replied, "Well, people don't think like that these days anymore, do they!"

It just goes to show that children really don't care about skin colour and any racism has to be learnt.

Hi Rory, URNBU to think about this, but I genuinely think it will be fine. As adults we can over-think these things. Children do not have an in-built awareness of historical tensions between people of varying race, religion, culture and social class. They only learn these from older children and adults. Go in expecting everything to be great. If there are problems at school, don't assume it's anything to do with skin colour unless it 100% is (in which case politely and firmly approach the school to get it quickly sorted out). Wishing you lots of happiness in your new home and village 

Also when my dd was younger think year 1, her friends used to sunbathe so they could all be like her! I also brought alot of culture in to the primary school, by going in and talking about festivals that we celebrate and doing dancing etc! Dressed up in traditional clothes etc! Which my children loved and their friends did too!

I haven't RTFT so I'm sure many people have already said this- but in a very rural village (which I assume it is with only 8 in class) ANY newcomer will be stared at!

We live in the South West and DS goes to a country prep. Until the boarding kicks in up the school it is ubiquitous pale skin and floppy blonde hair. I worried about the impact this would have on DS who also happens to fit this mould (we moved away from a very multicultural area) but I can honestly say, the children are taught tolerance in all aspects of life and he doesn't bat an eyelid whoever he meets. People are just people to him, despite growing up in a rather weird bubble. A Jamaican family joined the school recently. DS told me there was a new pupil in his class, I had no idea the child was Jamaican until I met the family. It just hadn't been relevant info to DS.

I'm sure your kids will be fine.

I think it's a bit simplistic to say kids don't ever behave in a racist fashion; I attended a small school in rural Wales for a few months in the 80s and remember being shocked by the class's response to a new girl (who happened to be black). They were openly hostile and locked her in the toilets and held the door shut we we were 5 or 6. They didn't treat me like that when I arrived (white).

HOWEVER. This is 2016, times have changed to (at least to some extent) and the message that we are all actually the same has spread a long way. I would like to think that the teacher will be watching like a hawk for any signs of poor treatment from classmates, and that said classmates will be largely oblivious because they haven't had the same soaking in casual racism that my old classmates had. Kids are encouraged far more to speak up when they spot racism these days, so your DD is more likely will have friends in her corner if she needs them. Hopefully this is prove to be a groundless fear though op

My best friend at school was mixed race, it was years later that I realised she was, it had never dawned on me. Don't worry.