To be worried about dd1 being the only non white in her class

[Rory786]

We moved from multicultural London to a very rural village. DD1 (4yrs) will be in a village school, and one of 8 pupils in her class. We went to visit and we got a lot of stares.
AIBU to be worried for her?
She will have two younger sisters joining eventually (but they are 20 months and 7 months now)

YANBU for worrying, that's totally normal!

We live in a very white area, rural Scotland. There really aren't a lot of ethnicities up here! So yes, my children would maybe stare a bit, or ask me/your child why they have different skin. But that's all, same as they would question me dying my hair.
So please don't be offended if kids ask, obviously I explain as much about everything I can but sometimes kids just ask the bluntest questions!

I like how people poopooed the OP's concerns with "Don't be silly, why, at my child's school there are Polish kids etc..." Yeah, she said she's in a rural village with a class of 8 kids. Know the thing about rural villages? They're very, very, white-British. My family is lucky - our school is very multicultural. But when I was at high school, we literally had one black student. In the entire school. Because, rural village. And white posters insisting "Don't make problems where there aren't any."

Yes, all these ethnic folk, making a fuss. Can't see what their problem is, hey?

OK, so in reality? She might get some silly questions from the little kids, because chances are the other children may not have seen people of other nationalities around their village either, and hopefully if any of this escalates into mockery or bullying the school will deal with it well (and not just brush you off like above.) As they get older... honestly, yeah, it could be an issue. I guess it depends on the village, really. Whether it's the kind that all vote UKIP because of 'immigrants' even though they've never seen one. You'd only have to google for a Mumsnet thread about 'what racist comments have you received? to see how some people can be - albeit anywhere, it's true, but it's probably more likely in a place with no other ethnicities around.

YANBU OP. It's a valid concern.

I have posted earlier in the thread as a parent of the few bob white student at school. Mine is a 2 class intake so is bigger than yours by a lot. What is the secondary like? Is it in a larger town with a more mixed intake? Mine is so I'm hoping like many have told me that the bullying doesn't start until secondary. Our catchment primary has a lot more ethnic kids. Not UKIP area here either. Very Tory and very middle class white. I think you need to see further into the future like many has said.

No, you're not being unreasonable - just wondering why you would make such a move if you have underlying concerns for your children.

I mean the catchment secondary is much more mixed in diversity than the primary. As it feeds from 6 primaries.

Thank you for all the comments-really appreciate it.

*We moved for dh's work
*We all love being in an English village
*Our neighbours have been super, most of them are elderly and I think we are their first experiences of "foreigners" Both dh and I are born in the UK.

• Westfacing, you are right, we should have thought about it before we moved.
• I would never dream of mentioning this to dd1, she already is a bit nervous about the idea of school- not confident at all. Im working on that at the moment.

Good luck with everything. Please try and remember children are children and lots of them are nice (and so are their parents!)

They can also be clumsy (as can their parents). Try to give them the benefit of the doubt initially.

We don't make prejudgment based on appearance in our family. But dd5 is not colourblind. She is colour-fascinated!
"X has beautiful brown skin mummy I wish I has beautiful brown skin!"
"Yes dd5, x does have beautiful brown skin and you have beautiful peachy skin. You can't change your skin colour though - everyone is born just as they should be."

We try not to judge on appearance at all, skin colour is just one area. I always smile about the day Dd was learning that, and said to me (loudly) as a larger man walked past, "mummy i do not think that man is fat at all!" (Queue proud grin - she was sure she had nailed it!)

Aww thanks gravy, your post made me smile.

A part of me is worried (mother hen flapping) and a part of me isn't because of all the lovely people we have met and have been so welcoming.

The children might have been interested if she looked different to them but that will be as far as it goes. As a child, I lived in a very non-multicultural part for the country and my two Asian friends (practically the only ones in the school) said that they didn't feel they had ever experienced any prejudice in our town which was in total contrast to their experiences in other more multicultural areas of the UK.

Just for the record, I don't mind questions or curiosity about our culture. I love learning about other cultures too, its fascinating.

Its the bullying and teasing that I'm concerned about.

It could be stares as the people living there may not have seen someone from a different race/colour.

A part of me is worried (mother hen flapping) and a part of me isn't because of all the lovely people we have met and have been so welcoming

Sometimes people in these villages will be so ignorant (eg 'foreigners' when you're as British as them! 🙈) but ignorance can be gently and kindly, slowly educated.

If they are lovely, I'd forgive them some ignorance. My DF would go out of his way to welcome you - so much so that I'd cringe! He hasn't had enough experience to know how to just be the normal level welcoming because he is so intent on not being racist that he over compensates.

Whoever said young children are accepting is having a laugh! Young children are incredibly judgemental and in my work with them I
have observed time and again that ethnic groups stick together even from a very young age.

I know it isn't what you want to hear but I would not be at all comfortable with this, and I would seek an environment where my child was with more children of same ethnicity.

In a rural village it takes about 20 years for people to forget you're not from there regardless of colour. Yes I grew up in a rural village.

At my school there was one Asian girl, she was very much part of the popular crowd.

I'm not being rude here but didn't you expect this when you moved out of the area? As the parent of a child with non British heritage this is something I would consider if leaving London

Oops just read above

JerryFerry that is very different to my experience. We have had a new child at dd5 new school. She is not white (don't like to guess - see my previous post, I'm quite ignorant) and she is like a bloody celebrity! Everyone wants her to be their friend!

I am also not going to say that it won't happen, in my experience some small villages and towns are more isolationist than others and I certainly grew up in one where being racist was quite normal unfortunately. This didn't seem to stop all my friends going out into the world and meeting people who were different than the white ethnicity than we had grown up with and many have returned to the area (on holiday, to live) with children with 'foreign' names or mixed race, that, plus social movement has meant that it's less of a white enclave than it used to be.

Whilst I can't say no-one will ever say anything, that's true of the big cities too, where I've heard plenty of racist remarks over the years, however you can blend in more in terms of not being singled out/not standing out.

In our school, one of my children had some trouble with children saying bad things about her dad's (Eastern European) ethnic group, but the teacher stepped in and it was quickly stopped. That's what you want really, a proactive school and a welcoming community, you can't stop a few individuals round the edges being racist or disliking immigrants when it's all over the newspapers constantly.

I doubt that the people who say your child will experience bullying and teasing have any experience of living in an area that is almost totally white so I wouldn't be too worried about what they are saying. My experience of both multicultural and non-multicultural areas is the opposite.

I whole heartily agree with what Cozumel said.

I absolutely understand your concerns OP, small rural villages can be small minded (not all, but some).

I know I grew up in one, I went to a small country school with about 60 kids, every child was white European until year 3 when a brown girl arrived, it was fine after a few months, however this was my first experience of interacting with different races. There was no racism from what I can remember, it was just a different from what I had grown up with.

I have taught in rural village primary schools. My experience is that children will be curious about differences such as colour and hair as per gravy's post, but that this is very rarely malicious particularly in lower primary. One thing I noticed as a teacher, who started out teaching in inner London, was the comparative lack of resources such as stories reflecting different ethnicities so you might want to counterbalance this at home.

My daughter goes to a nursery which was started up by a Gospel church. There were strong logistical reasons why we needed that particular nursery.
The staff and most of the families whose children attended were church members. My daughter was the only white child. It was absolutely never a problem. When she was learning to talk she would sometimes say things in a west Indian accent which was so sweet!
The nursery is now run by an external chain so it's more mixed but she is still in an "ethnic minority" though everyone is treated the same (exactly as they should be). It's a fabulous nursery and we're so happy with it.

I do understand your concern but I'm sure she'll be fine.

When my DS was 4 he went to a local childminder. I was working different hours to the mum of the other little boy who she looked after so I never met them but oh did I know everything about A! His favourite, colour, favourite food, what he liked doing, the lot. DS would tell me how they played, what they ate - it was impossible to shut him up on the subject of his little friend.

Then one day I did happen to pick DS up when A was still there - the one thing DS had never actually thought to say was that A was black. As we lived in an almost entirely white area, he would have been the first non white person DS had ever met but it simply wasn't important enough for him to mention.

There's a lovely girl of Sri Lankan heritage at DDs school, DD thinks she has the most beautiful skin and hair shes ever seen

I echo the points nice falafels said. We moved to a small rural village earlier this year and got properly stared at when we looked round the school and we're white (but foreign). Being part of a very small community has many benefits though and the DCs settled very quickly and are now very happy.
Their school is actually nowhere near as mono-cultural as we had first thought and the one incidence of teasing that the DCs experienced due to being from a different country was swiftly and firmly dealt with.
Perhaps you could chat to the school about your concerns and ask for reassurance as to how they would deal with any problems.
YANBU to worry but hopefully it'll be fine.
Strangely I have come across more stories of bullying and racism at big multi-cultural schools in cities.