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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be so annoyed about late birthday presents?

25 replies

MrsMadHatter · 07/12/2016 22:45

I have two dcs and they have both had their birthdays within the last few weeks. I don't talk to one of my siblings but we buy presents for each other's dcs. Dc1 got their present from this sibling 2 weeks late and dc2 still hasn't received their birthday present and it is now 3 weeks late. I asked my parents about it today and they said they will ask but I still haven't had any explanation. It isn't the first time this has happened. Dc2 said tonight that they are quite upset by it, which I think is understandable. If there's a reason why there's no present I'm ready to listen but I think no explanation or apology is shocking. Aaarrrgggghhhh. Thank you for reading

OP posts:

stiffstink · 07/12/2016 22:48

Not strictly relevant to your AIBU but how does the gift-giving thought process work if you don't speak to your sibling and presumably don't have contact with your DNs?

How do you know what the DNs like?
Why is your sibling not someone you want to talk to, but someone you are happy to receive family gifts from?
Why bother with all this angst?

Butterymuffin · 07/12/2016 22:49

Do you live near them? And how old are the kids? I presume not very small if they're old enough to be aware a present hasn't arrived from a specific person?

Original poster

MrsMadHatter · 07/12/2016 22:59

stiffstink - sorry I should have said sibling doesn't speak to me. Their choice. We 'communicate' through other members of the family, though mostly I just guess what to get or buy clothes (with gift receipts). We've always just bought presents for as long as but I will say that myself and DH have decided that this will stop next year as TBH it's just too much anxiety. I'm just annoyed at their attitude as you can guarantee they would cause a stink if it was the other way round.

buttery - they are teenagers. Sibling doesn't live very far away but takes presents to parents for me to pick up.

OP posts:

OwlinaTree · 07/12/2016 23:03

I'm still waiting for one of my sisters to send a present to my son. Apparently she's going to make it up to him.... This was 9 months ago.

Maybe we both need to let it go!

Original poster

MrsMadHatter · 07/12/2016 23:04

owlina I'm with you there xx

OP posts:

MsVestibule · 07/12/2016 23:05

Why are you involving your parents in this? Surely it's bad enough knowing that two of their children aren't speaking to each other without you dragging them into something as unimportant as 'missing' presents?

And why is your child upset about it? Were they particularly close to their aunt/uncle?

Crumbs1 · 07/12/2016 23:10

I find it sad that we are building a culture of expectation over presents rather than a culture of gratitude. The donor chooses to,give presents, what to give and when to give it. The recipient says thank you for a present. Seems simple enough but I keep reading of squabbles, jealousies and downright rudeness where adults and children seem to think presents are a right. Presents should be given with pleasure and accepted with joy and grace.

Original poster

MrsMadHatter · 07/12/2016 23:13

Msvestibule this is the way it's been for a long time, mums idea to leave the presents with them for us to collect. It was my siblings choice to stop speaking to me not mine. I've been thinking about it for a while and I'm going to cut all ties next year. I'm annoyed as said before because if it had been the other way round they would be hell on.

OP posts:

Original poster

MrsMadHatter · 07/12/2016 23:16

crumbs I agree but why should my dcs not receive presents over other children in the family? You might think of it as jealousies and rudeness. I think of it as fairness

OP posts:

amy85 · 07/12/2016 23:24

You should teach your children not to expect presents of everyone tbh.

My children haven't had a present of one Auntie for 3 years and off another auntie and uncle for about a year and a half...they have never once asked where the presents were or why they hadn't brought them presents or said they felt sad as they didn't receive a present... they appreciated the presents they did receive of others

lastqueenofscotland · 07/12/2016 23:28

I would come to a mutual agreement to stop giving gifts to each other

Two of my mums siblings hate each other and stopped gifts fairly early on. They continue to buy for the others just ignore each other. Everyone still gets gifts and is happy.

MadisonAvenue · 07/12/2016 23:32

My sister in law has two nephews, our sons, so it's not as though she has a large number of them to remember. Her husband is an only child so none on that side of the family. Somehow she usually manages to forget our youngest son's birthday, he's not just her nephew but her Godson too. It really pisses me off.

DixieWishbone · 07/12/2016 23:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GravyAndShite · 07/12/2016 23:44

I think of it as fairness

I think it sounds like you both forgot to become the grown ups whenever you became parents. 🙄

brasty · 07/12/2016 23:45

Since you don't speak, you have no idea what is going on in your siblings life. Honestly sometimes I have been dealing with so much shit in my life that sending birthday presents late would be the least of my worries.

Xmasbaby11 · 07/12/2016 23:47

Stop the presents. They don't really mean anything, do they?

HeddaGarbled · 08/12/2016 00:13

You are being a bit unreasonable I think. It's a bit odd to expect to receive presents from people you have a hostile non-contact relationship with. Chasing up presents which haven't arrived is a bit grabby.

I do understand that you are hurt, but you should be hurt about the poor relationship between you not about the lack/late arrival of presents for your children.

I agree, it's time to step away from this nonsense.

TheTapir · 08/12/2016 13:57

I have nephews and nieces, who live several hours' drive away. I often end up sending presents late because I have more important things to think about than buying and posting their presents. Your children are important to you, not so much to everyone else.

When I was a child I had an aunt who always sent our presents months later - I loved it. It was lovely to have a random present turn up out of the blue.

HaveNoSocks · 08/12/2016 14:05

I don't think late presents are a big deal. Seems easier to just stop sending gifts to be honest if you're not even speaking to each other. Must be awkward for your family to have to send messages and chase up wayward gifts.

Yokohamajojo · 08/12/2016 14:10

My brother is always late or forget totally to get my dc presents. I sometimes feel slightly annoyed but in the end I love him and we have a great relationship, which for me is more important. My SIL doesn't get involved and I am happy with that as I don't get involved in my husbands present buying for his family. If my husband forgets no one blames me and if my brother forgets I don't blame his wife. (A bit ot but I think sometimes it falls on the woman to organise etc)

think you are a bit U and would end the whole present buying for each other's kids instead tbh

GruochMacAlpin · 08/12/2016 14:15

I get that there is clearly a massive back story here but why are two teenagers so upset at not receiving a present from an Aunt they never see?

One of my DC's Aunts is notoriously dreadful about remembering anyone's birthday other than her own and her own DCs.

My DC are only in primary school but it doesn't bother them at all. They always say it's quite nice to have a surprise late present.

Her lack of organisation is annoying to me in other areas of life but presents for me or my kids it's nice to get them but we never considered that we entitled to them.

Lovetonurse10 · 08/12/2016 14:24

Yanbu, they have 364 days to get said present for dc. We too don't speak to bil & sil but always buy for kids, it's not their fault the parents are dicks. Take this as a sign to stop the presents, personally I wouldn't want one three weeks late that's not when my birthday is...

Chewie1986 · 08/12/2016 15:08

ASKING for presents

How very rude.

Should not EXPECT gifts. That's what I was always taught.

KoalaDownUnder · 08/12/2016 15:18

I think this is bizarre, TBH.

You don't like each other enough to speak; what is the point of giving presents?

Your kids are teenagers. I expected you to say they were about five. They're old enough not to get upset about 'missing' presents from someone they never see.

brasty · 08/12/2016 15:34

You wouldn't want a present 3 weeks late? When you don't even speak to them you have no idea what is happening to them. Maybe they have been in hospital, a close relative has just died, or any number of things which means sending presents out in time is not a priority.

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