AIBU for being annoyed.

[sugarplumfairy28]

DH and I (and family) emigrated a couple of years ago. Unforutnately DH has been a little unlucky and employement hasn't been quite as easy as we'd hoped - but such is life.

In March, out of need more than anything else, DH started working somewhere 3 hours away, and had to do the 6 hour commute every day, I have so much respect and appreciation that he did that for our family. Of course it had some huge sets backs, in that the children didn't see him in the week, and me, well maybe an hour a day. Anyway DH was still applying for jobs elsewhere and was lucky enough to get a permanent job an hour away from home, only slight catch was at some point down the line the working hours may be lengthened to 7pm. Seeing as that would still just about get him home in time for bedtime, we conceded that it wasn't that bad.

Well 5 months down the line, that point in the future has become now, and with 2 weeks notice DH and the rest of his team have been told, it's not 7pm, it's 10pm. The employer has said that new contracts will be drawn up, and nothing will go ahead until the workers council have agreed terms that are deemed fair. Well on Monday DH has started the late shift, and is working until 10pm. Now AIBU that no-one has been told what these terms are, there are no new contracts, and from my point of view there is no benefit for DH at all. The children are cranky and playing up no end just like when Daddy was working away. I have spent so long trying to get them back into a routine and behaving, and now it has been thrown out again.

DH doesn't seem to quite understand that I'm not angry at him, I'm just angry (and shattered) why can't I be angry that everything I have done is coming unraveled and I have no control over why.

Well, plenty of people have partners who work shifts so I think YABU there - sorry.

Why are the DC playing you up? Does DH usually do the bedtime routine with them? Is he bad cop to your good cop? What is actually happening?

Where we have moved away from a lot of family, the children just didn't take to Daddy not being around, generally feeling abandoned and struggling with the idea they had lost another family member. With the information and assures that the employer gave, DH promised and has until now, made a point of doing the bedtime routine with them. To the children at least he has gone back on that.

At present I can't tell the children how often he will be doing the late shift, or (because here the change in hours, is apparently a big deal, going from 9-5 to shifts) if he'll get a day off, I literally have nothing to tell them. It's the complete lack of any information which is why I'm annoyed. I haven't been able to warn them, prepare them or give them an upside to it.

How old are the DC? I understand it must be hard having no support network nearby, but you said DH had two weeks notice of the change of hours, but now you are saying you haven't had adequate time to prepare them.

What are you worried will happen if he isn't there?

I am wondering, and please don't flame me for this, if actually the move just isn't working out and you are channeling all your anger into this one issue?

Unless there's a massive drip feed and the DC have SN, I can't see it as a huge problem - more of a minor annoyance.Hopefully you will have more info about the new regime soon. Surely if DH is working late he will be starting late and so he might be able to take them to school for example?

DH was told 2 weeks ago that this change would be happening, no date given though (was meant to be next year), or how many shifts there would be, just that the next step was talking to the workers council.

On Friday he was told, this week he is on the late shift. Of course we told the children on Friday it would be happening, but they tend to need more time to get used to changes. We didn't tell them sooner as we thought we would have more information to answer what seems reams and reams of questions they have.

Personally I like to have a plan, and I don't cope well when I don't know whats going on. The kids keep asking is Daddy going to be here next week for bedtime - I don't know. Will Daddy be here for my birthday - I don't know. Can Daddy still come to my class party - I don't know, and the kids are just getting more and more upset that I don't have an answer to things that were already planned. I don't think those are unreasonable questions, it's just really really wound me up that I have to contend with angry upset children because this company isn't giving out basic information, like working hours.