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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I know I am but school play

29 replies

Exileinengland1999 · 07/12/2016 10:37

DD is really upset because all her little friends are angels and get to wear sparkly costumes and she is a servant and gets to wear a brown top and leggings- with the boys- and is the only girl doing this. She is a girly girl and asked yesterday when she would get her 'real' sparkly costume. I feel so upset for her but obviously am telling her that she has a very important part!
Ugh, parenting is so hard sometimes- Aibu to ask how to make her feel better about this? She's only 4!!

OP posts:
Soubriquet · 07/12/2016 10:38

What about letting her be a sparkly Angel at home?

BravoPanda · 07/12/2016 10:40

I'd make the servants outfit very sparkly, yet brown, and even give her sparkly shoes. Then remind her Cinderella was a servant too at first 👍

xStefx · 07/12/2016 10:40

Aw that sucks!

DoraDunn · 07/12/2016 10:41

So every other girl is an angel and every other boy is a servant? If that's the case I'd ask why but I wouldn't be disappointed that she's a servant and not an angel. But then my daughter would rather have chewed her arm off than ever worn anything sparkly or girly.

Katy07 · 07/12/2016 10:43

Could she wear something sparkly underneath her costume? Not visible, but just so that she knows that she's a 'secret sparkly angel' Xmas Grin and everyone knows they're the best ones

DoraDunn · 07/12/2016 10:43

And ds has just had to wear white leggings and a pink top as he was part of a cow Grin whereas his best mate was a soldier!

Original poster
Exileinengland1999 · 07/12/2016 10:46

We are going to a party Friday so just decided to dress her as an angel for that!! she's not allowed to sparkle up her costume. All the angels get to make a grand entrance too so she's a bit upset by that as there's no music!! Bless her- the teacher did tell her she had a very important role but you know what kids are like!

OP posts:
user1477282676 · 07/12/2016 10:56

My DD was a shepherd once...with all the boys. There was ONE "pretty" shepherd outfit available and a little boy wanted it so they gave it to him.

I had to ignore it all though DD was pissed off. We didn't complain. Next year she was Mary.

DramaInPyjamas · 07/12/2016 11:04

Aww, tell her she is an undercover Angel, sent to earth to make sure the servants are doing a proper job !

ladyme · 07/12/2016 11:14

I might be being very PFB but I'd ask school if she can be an angel. Perfectly understandable that she's upset and FFS, she's 4, being in the play should be exciting and fun at that age!

Original poster
Exileinengland1999 · 07/12/2016 11:18

It's too late now unfortuately- it's this afternoon!

OP posts:
m0therofdragons · 07/12/2016 11:21

I have twins and one is the angel Gabriel and the other will tell you she's "a nothing". She's actually a narrator but had to wear all black. I was expecting tears but we bigged up her role and she was fine. Can she have a cuddly sheep to carry (and keep after)?

Tomfunsnumber1trolley · 07/12/2016 11:44

A similar thing happened to me when I was in nursery. I was a tree (again mostly boys) and many of my friends were flowers and butterflies. Apparently I protested by wandering around the stage - I believe I was fluttering like a butterfly rather than standing still like a tree!

YellowKnickers · 07/12/2016 14:32

I was the only girl not to be an angel when I was 4. I was a shepherd. I was devasted, cried for days. Fine now though (34 years later).

Original poster
Exileinengland1999 · 07/12/2016 17:52

So DD was the only girl in the class not to be in a sparkly outfit- I am a bit pissed off- the teacher is lovely so not sure why it's happened- play was sweet but DD is upset - not sure if I should let the teacher know she was upset or just move on? WWYD?

OP posts:
YellowKnickers · 07/12/2016 18:08

Take your daughter for a Christmas treat, hot chocolate and to see the lights or something. She'll have forgotten all about it in a couple of days. Xxx

Getnakedorgohome · 07/12/2016 18:13

Nice evening with your daughter to cheer her up but not make it a big deal and tell her she can be a sparkly angel at the party on Friday. Can you take her to choose sparkly nail Polish or something for a treat? My dd has just been a sheep, the only girl while all the other girls were angels. She has sparkly silver nail Polish waiting for her this weekend and has worn tinsel in her ponytail for school all week (She's 4 too). She was upset but isn't anymore and is excited to be the only 'ewe' Grin

ChasedByBees · 07/12/2016 18:15

It's a bit of a strange choice of the school. If they're going to have such strongly gendered defined roles by the sound of it, then why leave one girl out? I would have asked.

lola111 · 07/12/2016 19:20

This happened to my DD. She was the Inn keepers wife and every other girl and some boys were angels l.But there are no rules that an Innkeeper's wife can't wear long white satin dress with tinsel trim are there? and my DD had a last minute 'surprise costume swap on teh day

Original poster
Exileinengland1999 · 07/12/2016 20:56

I wish I had gone to town a bit more on DD's costume now- all she has talked about this eve is wanting to wear sparkly things that make her feel pretty- it's a minefield! We told her how we thought she was awesome & we loved her in the play - I am sad it's obviously made her feel left out though Sad

OP posts:
capricorn12 · 07/12/2016 21:03

I feel her pain, I was always a fucking tree.

ittooshallpass · 07/12/2016 21:20

I had the opposite last year. My DD hates anything girly or sparkly and was given the part of a fairy. She was mortified.

After initially trying to help her deal with it and having lots of chats about how 'we don't always get what we want' I realised she was really dreading the play. In particular she was mortified about the costume she was going to have to wear.

I decided she didn't need to be humiliated at such a young age. So I went to see her teacher and DD was changed to a bat. The teacher has no idea DD was so upset and said she wanted DD to enjoy the play and have happy memories.

I really do think all teacher's should be more sensitive when they dish out the parts! OPs DD will still be talking about how she wanted to be a fairy when she has a DD of her own!!

Madeyemoodysmum · 07/12/2016 21:20

It's hard at four but this will happen time and time again in primary Life's lessons I'm afraid.

My son had the arse he didn't get the part he wanted but I told him to take ownership of his role and he got a big laugh which was great.

It's not always the leads that end up shining.

If your daughter can learn this early she will have a great start and morning at the teacher will achieve nothing apart from making you one of those mothers. ( too late anyway)
I hope she enjoyed herself regardless.

Madeyemoodysmum · 07/12/2016 21:22

When I say too late I mean that the plays over. Not that your already one of those mothers. Sorry. Made sense in head.

LaurieMarlow · 07/12/2016 21:25

I feel for her. I was always the 'narrator' and had to wear my bloody uniform. Angry

Life's a bitch. Tough lesson for a 4 year old though.

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