To feel I don't have to tell them why I don't want to go.

[identitychange]

Three years ago I was raped at a New Years party. One friend, a previous boss and my therapist know. No close friends know.

Some close friends have organised a trip away this new year, a few nights away in a similar area. I don't want to go. I want to stay at home and watch trashy telly.

It's now become a contentious issue, as I'm seen as the odd one for not going, for not giving a reason for it and for saying I'd rather stay by myself. I don't think I need to say, and I don't think they would respond in the way I would need them to if I did.

So, AIBU by not telling them? They've reacted so strongly that I now feel like IABU! Any advice on what I can say to them that will help the atmosphere?

I am going away for a few nights at New Year.

One friend has said "no thanks, I don't want to".

We accepted that and got on with organising it for the people who did want to go.

We trust that she is the best judge of what will make her happy.

Do your friends have reason to believe that you are not very good at choosing the thing that will make you happy (so you'll be happier if they persuade you to come along)? Or are they just being pushy and annoying?

Pushy and annoying!

They assumed I would be going, it's somewhere I've waxed lyrical about how pretty it is etc., and without me (or someone else) it gets trickier with rooms, but not unmanageable.

After the rape happened, I went through a stage of changing my mind at the last moment, because I would panic and then drop out or panic about being in the house alone etc. It's been over a year since I've done and I it was only things like going out for dinner, not anything this big.

Don't be forced into telling them what happened. They've behaved badly so don't deserve your trust.

I'm so sorry for the attack and hope you are getting all the help and support you need.

Identitychange I am so sorry about what happened to you.

I thijk i fthis continues I would go on the offensive. I would simply say.

"I do not wnat to go abroad at New Year. I was happy to do a one night local thing but it has now changed to 4 nights abroad and I do not want to go. My new job is stressful, more pay means more responsibility and I want the time to rest up at the start of the year."

(If true, add) I love and care about all my close friends but your refusal to take my no for an answer is REALLY upsetting me. You all know each other and can go and have a great time together. I am not answering any more questions about new year's eve. And if you keep badgering me like I will assume you don't care about my feelings and only care about whether you have a good time or not. I don't want to stop your good time but I now want you to stop badgering me, it's not nice and it is totally NOT making me want to change my mind."

Do not tell them if they will not be 100% supportive. To be honest if they are so callous as to badger you in this way and they are the supportive friends who you could tell something like this to, then maybe losing a few of them would not be so bad.

and they are not the supportive friends