Aibu, equal Christmas gifts?

[Zarabell]

I know it's a Christmas one but it's an aibu.

I don't want to go into too much detail and be outed, but simply, I have a large family, children of my own, my parents, grandparents, siblings and nieces and nephews.

All of my siblings have children, some of their children have partners and children and so on.

I've always spent around £30 each on my nieces and nephews, but it's becoming too much.

Some of my nieces and nephews are adults now, and they don't even send me a card at Christmas. I don't mind this, they have their own families now, but I'm thinking now would be a good time to stop sending gifts to the adult nieces and nephews.

I would still send a Christmas card and a token present such as some chocolates but that's it. I think this is probably fair and I'd buy for the small children only.

I'm only a bit worried because one of my siblings spends a lot on me and my children, I don't ask for anything and they aren't well off but they must just love Christmas. I think they'll be offended if I don't spend out on their children, even though their children are now adults.

Wwyd?

I stop buying for kids when they leave primary school and stop believing in Santa there are way too many of them we just could not afford to buy for all. Its simpler that way all have the same cut off and my kids are the youngest and are not getting back what Ive given over the years so im beginning to wonder if I was way too generous in the first place.

Just do the children and any adults that buy you things. If they don't even send a card I doubt they appreciate the presents.

Bottle of wine per couple
Small gift for the children, or a tin of Celebrations between children.

They don't even send a card and you give them a gift? How rude!

We do gifts for the families and children. We'll get a token gift if we actually see them on Christmas day

i have this situation, my older sister's kids are grown up with jobs, partners etc. they come along at christmas but don't buy anyone presents, or even cards. grandparents will get a card / maybe a present on their birthday but this is it.

i have just been gradually reducing what i spend. it used to be £30, now it's more like £15. Just something to open as they will be there on christmas day. If they weren't there on christmas day i honestly wouldn't bother.

i would go with the family gift - nice box of biscuits etc. just make a decision. tell your sister, don't suggest she does the same, it really is up to her and i'm sure she'll understand/won't mind/think it perfectly acceptable.

YANBU.

I don't buy for adult nephews and nieces. Never had a conversation about it. Just stopped. I doubt they care! Don't hear from them anyway so I think it's fair enough.

Their parents still buy for my children because they are young (but I don't expect them to). I believe it's fair, as there were many years before we had children that we bought 8 nieces and nephews expensive presents.

We can only afford what we can afford and my children come first

i disagree that you should buy for their children. so your great nephews/nieces?

kids really do get enough!

my mum's friend every year buys for my kids. i wish she wouldn't. i sound ungrateful but the presents usually go in the school fair box and i have to nag my kids to write a thank you card. why buy presents for kids you don't know / barely see?

restless well there's the difference - you buy for your aunts and uncles and they reciprocate. The OP's situation has her buying for grown up nieces and nephews and not even receiving a card in return. Got to draw a line somewhere, or everyone needs to be happy with a lower cost present.

I wouldn't expect anything after the age of 18 from my wider family. I didn't expect anything before that age, but you know what I mean. It wouldn't have offended me if aunts and uncles stopped buying for me.

Hmm, could you just buy each of your adult nieces and nephews and nice bottle of wine/ box of chocolates and a Christmas card? That way you don't have to buy anything for their spouses, you've saved money but it doesn't look like you haven't made an effort?

I'd go with sending them chocs/ biscuits for their 'family' and a card . I'm the only one of my siblings to have DC and my siblings still buy for my now adult DC but then my adult DC also buy for their aunts / uncle so it's a bit different .

I wouldn't bother too much, not for nieces/nephews that can't be bothered to get me a card. If you really want to get them something, then a token gift /biscuits/chocs is more than enough but I personally wouldn't bother. For those that do (if they do) get you a card/thank you for presents - then I'd make more of an effort.

Over 20 gc in my big Irish family. We buy for children until 21. Birthdays and Christmas. Big fuss at 21then that's it. Kids have loved it for years but know their day has come even though they are still in college and quite poor.I continue to buy for smaller ones which l enjoy now mine are grown up.
Absolutely mad to buy for grown ups who are not spending Christmas day with you.

DH's elderly aunt always gave him something and continued to buy us a 'couple' gift for many years after we got married. It was very sweet but unnecessary. After DS was born she also got a gift for him. We did buy her something in return.

However now that we haven't had Christmas with his family for 4 years (living abroad, not returned for Christmas) we have stopped.

Just stop, if they are reasonable people they won't mind. If they do mind, they're not worth worrying about anyway.

A nice tin of biscuits or similar or small presents for under 18s only would be more than sufficient.

Thanks.

I'm going to just give a card and family biscuits.

Tbh if they're anything like us they probably don't want anything anyway.

My dh is in his 30s and his aunt still send him a £50 present just for him, yet we've dc and they don't send anything for them, not that we want anything but it just seems a bit bizarre.