AIBU to not want to see MIL

[Millymollymanatee]

She's vile to DH but what really upsets me is the way she makes comments in front of him and puts pressure on me to join in. To start with, when I hardly knew her, I would just try and stay out of things. Lately though I've started to stick up for him, which she doesn't like.

Last time I saw her things came to a bit of a head and I walked out. DH stayed talking to her and told her that I would never take sides with her against him. She demanded that I came back into the room, I was reluctant but thought we might sort things out. Her opening comment was that I take things the wrong was and always have. I just couldn't have a conversation with her after than. She twists things so that she is never responsible for her own behaviour.

DH lacks confidence and he has always been picked on by her and compared unfavourably with his sibling. I think he's a bit afraid of her and he allows her to be horrible to him. He gets extremely upset but then goes to see her again.

She's his mum and I think he craves her love and attention but it always ends the same way. I hate her for what she's done to him and how she treats him. I actually think she has some sort of personality disorder, as she has narcissistic characteristics.

YANBU. I'd stop visiting much. Just go to wider family stuff and not engage with her as far as possible.

Thanks, good advice.

Your mil and DH have history. It is not something you can really sort out or interfere in.
Only your DH can change the situation when he is ready to address it.
All you can do is ignore her unless she attacks you. In that case you can deal with it how you want but defending your DH is not going to work.

I'd let DH visit alone.

If you have to see her at bigger family events say hello, ask "how are you", then go and sit elsewhere and talk to other people.

I totally understand how you feel- my situation is very similar. I've got to a point now where I just avoid as much as possible, I'd love to have no contact at all but feel like that has to come from my dh. Good luck.

My partner has always been compared unfavourably to his younger sister. Both MIL and FIL did it, down to saying he didn't earn enough money, his job wasn't good enough, he shouldn't have had kids etc. I started refusing to see them because it was all so vile and he would come back from seeing them utterly depressed and eventually stopped talking to them.
We haven't seen them for over a year. Our arguments have stopped, his self esteem has sky rocketed. They miss out on our fantastic kids because they're appalling and I wouldn't want them to do a number on their self esteem like they did their own son.
Don't entertain bullies, even family ones. Life's too short.

Thanks for the advice, yes she is a bully, that's exactly what she is.