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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To just buy a present for one of my friends children?

34 replies

pipnchops · 05/12/2016 16:16

My good friend has 4 children, her youngest DD is the same age as my DD (2). Last year she gave my DD a Christmas present and I felt awful as I hadn't got one for hers and she gave it to me so close to Christmas that I didn't have time to get one last minute. I said I was sorry and she was lovely about it and said something like "don't worry, I only had one to buy for whereas you'd have four".
So my dilemma is this year do I buy for all four of her children or just her youngest and just say it's a present from my DD. I have just had a baby though and what if she buys for my baby and toddler and then I'll feel awful again!
I'm not being a cheapskate as I'd happily buy a little something for her other three DC but they're much older (8, 9 and 12) and I've no idea what they'd want.
WWYD?

OP posts:

Eevee77 · 05/12/2016 16:17

Ask her.

lastqueenofscotland · 05/12/2016 16:18

I think you have to for all 4... Just a token thing even

monkeywithacowface · 05/12/2016 16:19

A cheap selection box for all four would be fine but if you want to avoid getting into gift giving with friends and their kids then just don't get anything. Hopefully she'll take the hint. I think its a bit much to expect someone to buy for four of your kids when they only have the one, unless you are all extremely close

lananzack · 05/12/2016 16:22

Are her kids all a similar age? Get them something they could all play with/use?
Or just get them a few boxes of chocolates and a card each.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 05/12/2016 16:22

I think tbh. It would be a bit mean spirited to just buy for one. No one expects the crown jewels. Just a selection box each from pound land will suffice.
I remember being about 10 and someone buying my cousin a bag of crisps and leaving me just standing there. I've never forgotten it.

Original poster

pipnchops · 05/12/2016 16:26

We've been friends for years so very close but we've never done Christmas presents for kids before so it took me by surprise last year. To be honest I'd rather not get into present buying so I think I'll just ask her. I feel like such a Scrooge though.

OP posts:

audreyharley · 05/12/2016 16:28

It's a good friend so I'd buy for all four children if you can afford to, she will probably buy for both children and like you said you don't want to feel bad. Besides it might be a little mean to not include her other three children and just buy for one. [If you're unsure what to buy them, you could always ask the Mum.]

Original poster

pipnchops · 05/12/2016 16:30

Feeling a bit guilty though as this year I only bought her DD a birthday present, just sent cards to the older kids. I figured I was only going to the birthday party of the younger one though so that was my reasoning.

OP posts:

RentANDBills · 05/12/2016 16:31

Buy for all 4. Something cheap and cheerful, like a gingerbread man kit or something.

RhiWrites · 05/12/2016 16:33

Buy them a board game to share or a box of magic tricks.

BackforGood · 05/12/2016 16:35

Just have a chat now, (or might have been better last month!) and say - can I just let you know that I don't want to start getting into buying gifts for friends dc (or dcs' friends) as it's just going to get too complicated. Hope you are ok with that?..... and carry on as you were.

DailyMailCrap · 05/12/2016 16:36

Buy for all 4 no individual gifts. A board game or something else they can play with together

dowhatnow · 05/12/2016 16:36

A family game between them if you can't pluck up the courage to have "the chat". Even if the little one doesn't benefit from it now, they will do when they are older.

Dobble is a good one for those ages and reasonable at £11ish. If you want to spend more, then selection boxes each as well?

user1480946351 · 05/12/2016 16:38

I wouldn't start buying for all four, that can add up. She buys for your DD, you can buy for hers. I would be mortified if someone thought they had t buy for all of my children.
Or if she's a good friend just tell her you don't want to get into a gift giving arrangement.

SheldonCRules · 05/12/2016 16:38

Get a family DVD and a few sweetbags to share or a gingerbread house making kit between them all. It doesn't have to be expensive as it leaves no one out.

Liiinoo · 05/12/2016 16:41

This is how Christmas gets out of hand and people end up burdened with loads of presents to buy and it all stops being fun. And once you start it's hard to stop. That's 4 extra presents a year for many years to come. My preference would be to not buy any of them anything. But if that's too awkward either have a quiet word with her over coffee and agree not to buy children's presents at all but maybe do a little outing with the young ones in the new year. Or buy a family gift of a tin of sweets to be shared.

middlings · 05/12/2016 16:45

The only way to fix this is to have an open conversation with her about it. Otherwise it's a nightmare.

We each have a godchild in the same family and our friends are each godparents to our pair. Thing is, they have a third child and we don't. I now buy Christmas presents for all three but only birthday parents for the godchildren and the present for the third child at Christmas (who, I hasten to add, has a fully functioning set of godparents, one of whom is a good friend of mine and is, I have no doubt, a fabulous godmother) is smaller than for our godchildren. I just feel odd, on a day when they're all getting something, not buying something small for the last fellow.

lola111 · 05/12/2016 16:46

do you know her through the 2 year olds.If so I would say it is fine to just buy for that one.Otherwise (depending on how much you want to spend) buy a tin of sweets or family game -something they can all share.

ItsALLAboutMeMeMeMeME · 05/12/2016 16:53

You'd have to buy something cheap for all, I'd be more inclined to just ask your friend to agree to not buy for each other's kids as pps have suggested. We had a similar situation with close friends who had bought Christmas gifts for our cats as well as for us when we went to them for Christmas dinner one year. We got all the humans in the family gifts but they had a dog, a cat and a house rabbit and we hadn't got them anything - never occurred to me though I should have guessed, the card they had sent to us did include the names of the livestock next to paw prints!

PensionOutOfReach · 05/12/2016 16:56

Maybe what you need to start with is to have a word with her about christmas presents for the children.

If she is happy to buy a gift your dd (and very probably your baby), then are you also happy to buy for her 4 dcs?
Can YOU afford it and will you feel OK/good about it?

It nearly feels like you are being forced from doing something you aren't keen on out of guilt (because she bought something for your dd and you didn't do anything)

spankhurst · 05/12/2016 17:07

If you want to buy, how about a boardgame to share? About 10-12 quid.

If you don't, then be honest with her. It'll save all sorts of annoyance and resentment in the long term.

OhFuckOff · 05/12/2016 17:15

Buy for them all, but as pp said maybe a board game with a bag of sweets for them all to share?

eyebrowsonfleek · 05/12/2016 18:12

Get something for them to share like sweets, DVD, board game...

NapQueen · 05/12/2016 18:13

Go to the Pound Shop and get them a book each. The books there are excellent! Colourful ones for babies, lovely stories for toddlers and smalls and horrid Henry types for others.

BackforGood · 05/12/2016 23:38

No - don't 'start' buying presents for friends dc, or you end up then having to do it the next year and the one after that, etc. Even if the money isn't an issue, it's the time send shopping, then wrapping, delivering etc. Then you think well - why do I buy for that friend's dc and not this friend's. Just be clear now, before it starts, that you don't want to get into it.

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