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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to give up

12 replies

Helpme9 · 05/12/2016 15:57

I'm a SAHM for the last 3.5 years. Prior to that had a great job earning fab money. For various reasons kids and health I had to become a SAHM. Now I have the opportunity to go back to work but would need to pay 4 days childcare which is entirely possible. My friends say I should go back to work as I'm wallowing at home. I'm fed up of the school run I'm fed up
Of my DCs squabbling. I'm fed up because whatever I do isn't good enough for them. I want to be my own person. But I feel guilty I was at home for my eldest and now I'll have to put my toddler in childcare. I have anxiety. I'm finding the friendships I've invested in are not being reciprocated. That in itself isn't an issue. I feel I'm investing emotionally in the wrong people and the wrong areas. This in turn is making me exhausted with every day life. My marriage was more equal when I worked. My DH would cook more clean more and help with the kids more. But it all falls to me. I feel like a servant to everyone. An emotional crutch a cook a cleaner a mother and a wife. I thought certainly the role of motherhood would make me content. At the same time I don't want to feel or nor do I think that work will fulfill me. I have no hobbies. I just want to give up. Sorry for the rant.

OP posts:
Helsinkimorning · 05/12/2016 16:05

I would give work a try. Just because you were at home for your first child doesn't mean you have to stay now. I would have gone mad being at home with my children full time.

Original poster
Helpme9 · 05/12/2016 16:17

Yes I think it's sending me mad. And I have no support or family nearby and it's all me. I think I just want a break. It's all so relentless. I need time away for me and I'm exhausted

OP posts:
Helsinkimorning · 05/12/2016 16:20

So get yourself organised and get back to work. Pronto Grin.

A bit of office politics will do you the world of good

SaltyMyDear · 05/12/2016 16:21

100% go back to work. Without a doubt.

In what way are you giving up?

Babyroobs · 05/12/2016 16:24

I think it might work ok as long as your dh does his share of the childcare and household stuff. Otherwise you could just end up feeling more exhusted if you are working 4 days then still have to come home to all the cooking and housework. Unfortunately when you have young children life just seems to be exhausting whether you work or not.

Original poster
Helpme9 · 05/12/2016 16:27

Giving up is just how I feel right now. Walking out of the door. The jobs I'm looking at are in my previous field but I can WFH. I get the feeling WFH is going to make things worse as DH will think I'm home. I can work a couple of days school hours too possibly. So I feel like I'll be doing everything! The school run and working and looking after the kids either side! 😞 I feel like I'll just take more on than less.

OP posts:
Mistletoetastic · 05/12/2016 16:33

I work from home a lot and sometimes I travel into our head office for the sake of it, getting dressed and being around grown ups in an office environment gives me a boost. Give it a try, if it doesn't work out then you can always revert to SAHM.

phoenix1973 · 05/12/2016 16:40

Pay a cleaner and get yourself back to work. Look forward, you've done and will continue to do a good job.

Don't tell the husband about the wfh bit.

Touchacat · 05/12/2016 16:47

You'll be surprised what a difference having a hobby makes. It doesn't have to be anything big or expensive or even time consuming. For example, you could listen to audiobooks or a podcast on a topic that grabs you while you cook dinner and the DCs watch TV. Or an adult colouring book in the evenings. Or an evening exercise class or trip to swimming pool of that's your thing. Honestly, I think having that small thing that's just yours makes a world of difference.

As others say, a return to work might well be what's right for you too. That's what I'm doing soon. Being a SAHP is relentless.

Original poster
Helpme9 · 05/12/2016 17:18

Thanks guys for your lovely words and affirmation. I think I'll be heading to their city office every 2-3 weeks just to have that day really where I can be with office people and get into the 'me' vibe. Also I'll always have one day a week to myself so to speak and with the toddler.

OP posts:
Original poster
Helpme9 · 05/12/2016 19:00

Just feel guilty and nothing seems like the right solution

OP posts:
Helsinkimorning · 05/12/2016 19:17

Sounds like you've got in a rut at home. You'll bring a lot more to your children's lives if you are fulfilled out of the home. No guilt in working.

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